Page 41 of Deny Me

Seventeen

I settled on avoidance. If I didn’t see him or acknowledge him, then I couldn’t give in and let myself get caught up in whatever residual emotions clung to me from Jamaica. Vacation was fun, but now it was time to hop back into designing. Once I was firmly settled back home, this desire to call Jameson would fade. To say I was uncomfortable with the desire was an understatement. I was never reaching for my phone to call any man. Four days was a long time to have spent time with one man and it was getting to me. That was all. Jameson was no different and I needed to shift my focus back to me; the strong independent woman who was trying to get a spot at an Italian design company. Not one who pined for a man.

The first day was the hardest. As though unpacking my clothes remembering each moment shared with Jameson while I wore them wasn’t hard enough, the text messages made it harder.

Jameson (2:09pm): Hey. Do you want to do dinner tonight?

Jameson (5:26pm): Hey. I’m guessing you’re all settled back into the regular day now. Do you want to come over tonight? I can cut my night at the bar short and make us some dinner.

That one was hard. Jameson was a workaholic and I knew he was eager to get back to the bar and back in control of whatever he missed while he was gone. For him to take a Friday night off meant something. I almost caved because Jameson was still my family and I hated ignoring him, especially after he offered to make time for me.

But I couldn’t. I couldn’t let what happened in Jamaica continue at home. Jameson was a relationship kind of guy. And I wasn’t. How many times did he tell me in Jamaica that that was what he was looking for? He was ready to settle down.

And I didn’t want to.

And that small fact kept me from messaging him back saying I was on my way.

Jameson (7:48pm): What’s going on Evelyn? Why are you avoiding me?

(Missed Call) Jameson (8:04pm)

(Missed Call) Jameson (9:30pm)

Jameson (9:32pm): What the hell?

Finally, a reasonable excuse came through Saturday morning. I received an email from the online company I had sent my designs through. They had liked what I sent and wanted me to send another two outfit options.

Evelyn (9:43am): Hey! So sorry! I got home and was swamped with emails about work. I have been soooooo busy. You know how I am. Always ignoring my phone when I get focused.

Evelyn (9:45am): Thanks for the invite. Maybe another time!

Even to me, the texts looked forced. But I needed them to cover up the real reason I was avoiding him. Jameson was a fixer, and he liked to talk things through. And I was still fighting off whatever desire I had left from Jamaica. If he knew I was denying any feelings I had, he would come over and talk me into giving in. And I would cave.

I missed him. I tried to convince myself that it was only the sex I missed, especially when I was restless and turned on in bed at night. But after I got myself off with memories of Jameson on top of me, I still struggled to get to sleep. It was only when I pressed a pillow up against my back and remembered the way his body would wrap around mine that I was able to fall to sleep.

He never responded to my last messages, and I couldn’t tell if I was relieved or disappointed. But by Sunday it didn’t matter, because it was our family lunch, and I wasn’t going to miss that. Lu and Jack had gotten back from their honeymoon Saturday morning, and I couldn’t wait to get all the details about married life. I’d missed my best friend.

We would have so much to talk about, I wouldn’t have to worry about any conversation between Jameson and I. I even decided to show up late just to ensure that Lu was already there and Jameson and I weren’t alone.

But when I pulled up to King’s, I didn’t see anyone’s car other than Jameson’s truck. I thought about even staying in my seat until Lu got there. But Jameson just happened to come out with the trash and saw me pull up.

We had some kind of western stare-down as we both decided how to approach the situation. Swallowing hard, I stuck to my original plan of pretending everything was normal again and we hadn’t fucked like bunnies in Jamaica. Pretending he didn’t make me yearn for something I had never wanted before; that he didn’t create an emotional storm in me. I wanted to do nothing but to deny it was there. He didn’t need to know I had masturbated to thoughts of him ever since we’d gotten home.

I pushed my shoulders back and got out of the car with my typical flirty smile. “Hey Jamie-Boy.” I gave a little finger wave as I walked past him and made my way inside. God, he looked good.

Pushing those thoughts aside, I kept my cool when I heard the door open again behind me, letting me know he’d followed me in. “Where are Lu and Jack?” I asked, not turning to look at him, ignoring the way my voice sounded high pitched with nerves.

He walked right up and pressed into my back, pushing my hair aside and kissing the exposed skin of my neck. Shivers broke out all over, zipping down my spine and into my core. “Jameson,” I whispered, unprepared for his assault.

“I missed you.” He bit the lobe of my ear and eased the sting with a flick of his tongue. “I’ve had to settle for my hand when I think about fucking you because someone keeps avoiding my calls.”

“Oh,” I breathed out. I didn’t know what to say. My body was sinking into his, being lulled into submissiveness by the way his tongue dragged from my shoulder to my neck.

Sirens were sounding off in my head, warning me to pull away. That I was undoing all of my avoidance, and being weak, and giving in and … and … His fingers dug into my hips and pulled me back against the hardness growing against my ass. I was lost.

Just as I was about to offer to fall to my knees and suck him off, a car door slammed outside, making me jerk out of his grip.

Shit.

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