Page 32 of Deny Me

He chuckled. “Now there’s a drastic difference.”

Intrigued, I leaned up on my elbow, turning to face him. “Oh really? The tight-ass, controlling Jameson actually let loose every once in a while?” Throwing my hand to my chest, I gasped. “I am just shocked.”

He squinted an eye and turned to me, muttering, “Smartass.” I returned his comment with an innocent shrug. “Well, when I was in high school I had a lot less responsibilities and more free time. And I definitely took that time to focus on whatever I wanted. Which, at the time, was football, friends, and girls. Man, we had some crazy parties.” He stared up at the sky, but instead was seeing the memories he was lost in. “I’m still not sure how my dad didn’t kill me.” He let a laugh escape, remembering. “Probably because he was so busy chasing around Asher and Luella. Those two were trouble. And since my mom had died a few years earlier, he was just trying to stay afloat. I guess he let it slide with a slap on the wrist as long as I was safe and kept my grades up.”

“Oh I bet you looked hot as hell in those tight football pants.” I fanned myself for effect. “I’m drooling just thinking about it.”

“Maybe I’ll have to dig them out for you.”

Jerking my head to look at him, I gasped. “Don’t you dare tease me, Jameson King.”

His chest shook with laughter before he fell silent. I let that silence hang around us as he collected his memories. This was the most I’d ever learned about Jameson, and I didn’t want to interrupt. Lu had talked a lot about her parents over the years, however, Jameson never did, and I could hear the sorrow laced into his words. “Then Dad died and I had to push all that aside to step in for Asher and Lu. College was put aside. Football was out of the question, and I got a job at the bar and worked as many hours as I could while still taking care of Lu and Ash. It didn’t leave much time for goofing around.”

My heart ached for him. Jameson had lost more people in his life than most, and hearing the sadness lace through his words reminded me why this man was so in control. He’d had to be from the age of eighteen. I shifted to lie on my side and rubbed my hand over his chest, soothing him the best I could.

“Then it became about supporting Lu through college. When Asher died on his first deployment, I held on more tightly to Lu, which you know she just loved.” How this man was able insert sarcasm with a smile while listing off the tragedies he had suffered blew my mind. I was there when the King siblings lost Asher. But all my attention was on my best friend. Jameson was just the constant rock keeping everything afloat. I never saw any emotions showing how it affected him.

Hearing his tone resonate with pain was like having a light bulb go off in my head. Everything before it had been dark. This conversation was giving me a deeper glimpse into Jameson, and I wasn’t sure I wanted to look, but I couldn’t help but keep staring and taking it all in.

“Ever since Lu began settling down and having Jack to take care of her, I’ve kind of struggled with my place in life. For so long I was the one holding everything together for our family. And now, it’s just me. I feel like for the first time in eighteen years I can finally get back to just me. Not that I would ever take back supporting Lu and Asher,” he rushed to reassure me. “But it leaves a lot of room open to think.” His hand reached up and dragged through his hair. “I mean, I’m thirty-six. I want to settle down. I want to have a family of my own now. I want to focus on me. And for the first time in a while, it’s okay to be selfish.”

Everything he wanted in life was laid out in front of me, causing my heart to pound out of control and a ringing in my ears. Because I was the woman he was currently having sex with. My mind couldn’t help but wonder if he saw me filling that position. It was fucking scary, and I broke out in a sweat that had nothing to do with the heat of the sun. My lungs felt like someone was squeezing all the air out of them. No matter the amount of fun we were having in Jamaica, I was still me and didn’t want a relationship with anyone. Listening to him talk about what he wanted and being the current woman in his life was like standing too close to the sun and staring at it, even though you knew it would blind you eventually. But I couldn’t look away. Instead I sat silent.

“Sorry,” he laughed. “I guess that is more than you wanted to know.”

It was more than I thought he would tell me. But I collected every piece of information and tucked it away in a box just for Jameson. I didn’t know what to say, and panic was still lingering around me, waiting for me to give in. What would I do, roll off the boat and swim the mile to shore? Instead I blurted out the first thing that came to mind. “My dad died when I was little and it destroyed my mom, making her hate love forever.”

He turned to look at me with furrowed eyebrows, searching my eyes for more information. They held me captive, silently asking for my secrets. His blue eyes, lightened by the sun, pulled the words from me.

“She used to tell me how love was useless and would do nothing but hurt you. She always reminded me to never fall in love.”

The curiosity turned to sadness, maybe even pity. But I didn’t want it.

“It wasn’t bad,” I said a bit defensively. “She pushed me to be strong and independent. She shaped me into the woman I am today. I’m Evelyn Valero. I don’t need anyone. Especially a man.” They were the words I had repeated again and again throughout my life. But explaining it to him in that moment, my head bowed in fear of what he would think, the words lacked their usual conviction

When the boat rocked on the waves, I lifted my head just enough to see him lean up onto his elbow, facing me. Biting my lip, I lifted my chin high and met his gaze, remembering the pride in who I was a woman. I didn’t care what anyone thought. Not even Jameson.

But I did. And while I could pretend I didn’t care, I could see in his gaze that he knew that I did. I held his stare, silently pleading with him to not call me out on caring about his opinion on how my mom raised me. Hoping that he would change the direction this conversation had taken.

Leaning forward, he used his thumb to tug my bottom lip from between my teeth and moved closer to gently place his lips on mine. My shoulders sagged with relief that he had read me so well and moved away from the topic.

Taking the olive branch he’d extended to me, I pressed harder into him until we were aggressively kissing and fighting for dominance. Our teeth clashed and tongues dueled. As was quickly becoming the norm, Jameson’s dominance won. Most men wavered at my assertive nature, my honest sexuality. But not Jameson. It was fascinating, the way it changed the pace of our relationship. Of this relationship compared to my others. He pushed me back easily, and I fell onto the netting underneath us.

When he had me on my back and situated himself between my spread thighs, he finally pulled back from the kiss with a twinkle of victory in his eye.

“Asshole,” I muttered.

“You love it,” he said between kisses down my neck.

I did. And it scared the shit out of me.

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