Page 21 of Deny Me

Peeking over Shane’s shoulder, my eyes connected with Jameson staring back at me and I wondered if he saw the memories behind my eyes. I hoped he could. I hoped he was thinking about them too. Just to mess with him, I winked before pushing myself more firmly against Shane.

Shane’s chuckle let me know what he thought of my antics and drew my eyes up to his. His eyes flicked to my cleavage, and I was sure he had a perfect visual of the V of my black floral wrap dress, but then they looked up in question to me. “When are you and Jameson going to get together?”

He threw me off with the question and a choked laugh bubbled from my mouth. “Ummm, never. We’re just friends.”

He rolled his eyes, scanning the surrounding dancers in the crowd. That was Shane, the detective. Always taking in more than anyone else. “Yeah, right.” Looking back, he penetrated me with a stare that let me know he was calling bullshit. “We all see the way he looks at you. I guess everyone is used to it so no one calls you guys on it.”

I didn’t like what he was insinuating. Shane was new to the group and didn’t understand the dynamic between Jameson and me. I wasn’t sure he understood me, so I decided to set him straight. “Well, when he’s ready for a blow job,” I waggled my brows, “or a good time, I’m here.”

He didn’t respond with interest, like I’d expected. Instead he just stared at me, his ice blue eyes making me feel uncomfortable. I felt like he was digging for a deeper truth, which made me want to pull up my walls. Just because he was new to the group, didn’t mean he wasn’t an observant son of a bitch that sat back and took it in. I could only imagine the things heard from Lu and me when we were drunk and I forgot the hulking man sitting off to the side. I could feel him coming up with his own assumptions using his detective skills and I was gearing up to shut them down.

“What?” I asked a little defensively.

“Yeah right,” he stated nonchalantly, like he didn’t believe me and wasn’t even doubting how accurate he was in his judgment. “You may think you’re unaffected, but I see the way you look at him too when no one is watching.”

“And how do I look at him?” I asked dryly.

“Like you’re hungry.” That I could work with. I was hungry for Jameson. No matter how friendly we were, I wouldn’t have been opposed to having a chance to get busy with him. Just as I parted my lips to let Shane know how hungry I was for Jameson, he interrupted and continued. “And not for his cock,” he winked, knowing what I was going to say. “You’re hungry for his hand in yours. For the way he challenges you and calls you on your shit. You’re hungry for him to be by your side and prove you wrong about loving a man.” His words landed like a blow. I did not need a man by my side. Especially not Jameson. We were friends that bickered like siblings.

But I didn’t know what to say back. My chest felt as tight as my pursed lips, and I tried to swallow past the lump in my throat. What the hell was wrong with me? He ignored the disgruntled look on my face and continued. “That’s a big battle of wills you’re playing right now. How long you can hold off your feelings for him? How long you can pretend you don’t love him? Not these petty games you like to pretend to play.”

He didn’t seem to care about the anger scrunching my face. He smiled at it, like he was right and enjoying the words he flung at me, enjoying the confusion he stirred in me. He was wrong.

He was wrong, and I was going to set him straight. I opened my mouth to let him know what I thought of his caca-bullshit analysis when a hand landed on my shoulder. My head jerked to see who was interrupting me and came to rest on a set of deep blue eyes that made the emotions swirling through me rage even harder.

“Mind if we switch?” Jameson asked.

Shane smirked at me. “Sure,” he agreed, walking away to go wrap Juliana in his arms, staring at her much differently than he had stared at me.

I turned nervously toward Jameson. We’d had some superficial interactions over the previous twenty-four hours, some light banter. But I was about to be in his arms, close to him. We would be locked together for at least a song or two, and it made my nerves zip across my skin. Watching his hands lift toward me, it felt like the moment we fully mended the break, and the pressure squeezed across my chest to make everything fit again.

Feeling one of Jameson’s hands settle on my back while his other moved to wrap around my fingers made me hotter than anything Shane could have made me feel. Why did Jameson feel so different? It had to have been Shane’s words messing with my head. Of course I loved Jameson, he was like my brother. A brother I’d made out with, who’d had his hands in my panties. Who I may have gotten myself off to a few times.

Okay, maybe not a brother, but I wasn’t in love with him like Shane had implied. He didn’t know what he was talking about. He was new to our group and didn’t understand our dynamic. I could imagine what it looked like to others. He was wrong, and I tried to let it go and relax my body. But I still couldn’t stop holding myself stiffly, too afraid to relax in Jameson’s arms. I couldn’t get my mind off of how his hand burned through my dress and into my skin.

“Looked like an intense conversation you guys were having,” Jameson said, interrupting my spiraling thoughts.

“Just a chit-chat.” My voice came out strained, like I was trying to play it off as nothing when in reality it was fucking with my head. I hoped he didn’t notice and would let it go. My eyes scanned the crowd looking for a distraction. They landed on the way Shane had his head leaned down toward Juliana and she was looking up at him smiling, a blush staining her cheeks that I could see from a distance. “Now that looks intense,” I said with a more normal voice, nodding my head in their direction.

Jameson looked over with a frown of disapproval. “Isn’t he like ten or fifteen years older than her? It’s kind of inappropriate.”

“I guess if that’s what you’re into. Different strokes for different folks.”

The muscles finally loosened from the strain I was holding them in when he turned to me, laughing. It was one of those rare moments when I made him laugh. Victory felt good.

He pulled me a little bit closer and held me a little bit tighter, like he was worried I would run, as his eyes darkened and he stopped smiling. He scanned my face and the tension began creeping back into my shoulders, wondering what he could be thinking when he looked at me so seriously.

His lips parted, as though he wanted to say something but couldn’t figure out the right words. When he finally did speak, his words shocked me.

“Look, I’m sorry for what I said.” Jameson never apologized, because he never thought he was wrong. At least with me. “I hate that you stopped coming to family lunches.”

I hated that I had stopped going too. Lu and Jameson were the only family I had in Cincinnati and I’d felt lost the previous month without them. Relief swallowed me up at the thought that things could return to normal. I’d been such a mess the month before.

But after Shane’s words and then Jameson’s apology, the emotions were too much. I didn’t want to be so serious anymore. I didn’t want the tension weighing on us all the time. I wanted things back to the way they were. So, I did what I did best and kept it light, poking fun at him.

“You should be. It was mean.” He gave me a dry look, letting me know what he thought of my response. I didn’t want to make a bigger deal of it than it already was. But if he could apologize, then so could I. “But I was being a drunk, inappropriate bitch. I’m sorry, too.”

His eyebrows rose in shock. “The great Evelyn apologizing,” he gasped in wonder.

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