Page 72 of Read Between the Stars (Turn it Up Spinoff)

“Together?” He holds out his hand for me to take.

I sigh, so touched at this amazing gesture he’s making. But I’m doing this to make sure I can stand on my own.

“Thank you…” I say, looking from his hand up to him, “but I need to do this by myself.”

“I’m not doing this for you,” he answers brusquely before relaxing his jaw and looking in my eyes. “I need this. I need your help.”

His eyes are soft, pleading, his guard completely gone.

“I need to live again. I have to do something. Will you do it with me? I need to set something in motion and not be afraid to be open with the person who matters most to me in the world.”

The notion settles over me like a heavy mist. In this moment, I’m not just wanted… I’m needed. The strength that idea infuses in me makes me feel like I could break through The Great Wall.

I nod, placing my hand in his.

“Together.”

We count quietly to three together before shoving off the deck and dropping into the vat of icy water. When my feet hit the bottom, I’m submerged up to my shoulders and I can’t help but let out a scream when it takes effect on first my skin, then the rest of my body, and then my mind.

“Son of a bitch!” Ben roars next to me.

The shock, the pain, it’s all too much. My bones feel like they’re going to shatter into a thousand pieces. The breath leaves my body and my head feels like it’s going to explode.

I scream again though it’s a faint squeak from the back of my throat and I start to flail, unable to stand the sensation.

“Fuck!” Ben growls again, but when he sees me panicking, he turns towards me. He grabs ahold of me, his hands cupping my face as he brings his forehead against mine.

“Breathe, we have to breathe,” he declares is a shaky voice. “Our body’s natural instinct is to breathe rapid and shallow. That’s the part we have to control.” His whole body is shaking and it’s like he’s holding on to me to keep from crumbling apart. I bring my hands up to grip onto his wrists, using him as my anchor, but I’m still gasping and panting faster than I can keep up.

“You don’t want to hyperventilate,” he continues. “Breathe with me. In for five…”

I listen. I do my best to focus as we both breathe in as Trisha counts loudly to five before telling us to hold it as she counts again. We then exhale for five. My lungs feel like they’ve shrunk in half and each breath is like climbing Everest, but I do it. Again… and again.

Ben and I cling to each other, and when the parts of me below water go numb, that’s when I realized my eyes are squeezed tight. I slowly let them open to find his brown eyes staring back at me. He gives me a slight, shaky nod, keeping our foreheads pressed together.

“Kasey,” Ben simply whispers my name, his voice still jerky and shaky.

“B-Ben,” is all I can wheeze out in response.

“Time’s up!” Trisha announces with pride, and Ben immediately grabs hold of my waist and hoists me out of the water and onto the deck. Stiff and shaking, I do my best to loop my arm under his and help him as he pulls himself out.

Ben grabs the nearest towel and wraps it around me before locking his arms tightly around me.

Ben

I hold tightly to Kasey as we shiver together, and all I can think is how I’d love to do this with her forever. Not necessarily dunk ourselves in arctic cold waters, but get through things together. Support each other, give each other strength and root for each other. But no matter how close I hold her to me or how tightly, there’s a still a small balloon-like barrier between us that I need to rid us of.

The thought follows me around throughout the rest of the day and mixes in with the endorphins and the positive energy that I can feel rejuvenating my spirit. I feel more lucid than I have in a long time, and though it takes some time to manifest, the realization finally comes to me; the next step I need to take in finding that missing piece that will break the barrier.

I have to leave.

Chapter Thirty-One

Kasey

With Luna in bed,I take my coffee out to the back porch, get the fire pit table going, flick on the bistro lights and sit, enjoying the cozy glow along with the crackling fire and the sound of chirping crickets. That was really something today; not just what happened with Ben, but also the whole plunging myself into glacier cold water. It was awful and I’m not looking forward to doing it again, but I have to say, I didn’t hate the rush it gave me, or the clarity that stuck with me through the day. Maybe if I do it a little more often…

The experience certainly gave me a different outlook: I can do hard things. And it’s okay to accept help and draw strength from others, so long as you use it towards standing on your own, and I feel like that’s what Ben and I have been to each other; helping each other to stand so that we can both do it on our own.

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