Page 43 of Read Between the Stars (Turn it Up Spinoff)

I’ve made a pretty big mess,I think to myself as I wander over to the cash-out stand to get the register ready and turn on the music.

It just goes to show that if you want to keep a stable environment for your kid, you can’t be selfish, not even once. Not when you’re me.

Ben

After the night I just spent with Kasey, I was hopeful for things to stop being so fucking awkward. But it seems we’re already back to her making minimal eye contact with me, and going out of her way to make sure she doesn’t hang around too long.

She mentioned last week that she shouldn’t act on her feelings for me, but last night she did. And she sure as hell wasn’t acting on them alone.

Maybe she’s regretting it. Maybe she still means what she said, and she’s seeing last night as a mistake; a slip.

I won’t lie, I always thought my first time after Jamie would be something casual; just some kind of palette cleanser to ease me back into the game. A rebound, if you’ll forgive the basketball pun.

But I find myself feeling sick to my stomach that that may be the way Kasey is seeing what happened between us.

I don’t know how to explain what I felt, but it was intense, and not what you’d expect from some fling. I swear to God, I absorbed every touch, kiss, and sound like I needed it to survive. Like I’ve been lost at sea for years and she’s my life line, and with every touch she was pulling me closer and closer back to shore. And now, with every time her eyes dart away from mine, she’s releasing a foot of slack in the rope, letting me drift out again.

I don’t think I want that. It’s so fucking confusing because for so long that’s what I did want; it’s what I’m used to wanting. But I want Kasey; I want to be near her again. The trouble is I can’t seem to harness the necessary mental bandwidth to consider anything else, like what else I want for myself and my life from here out. I can only see this moment. Pursuing something would be so fucking selfish, but I have this urge to let her know that last night meant something. She laid everything out with me and I haven’t told her a damn thing about how I feel, or what I want, and I don’t want to.

I absentmindedly pull my phone from the back of my shorts and bring up her name. I could send her a text… that would be safer than calling when she’s busy and/or leaving some awkward, bumbling message on her voice mail. But what the fuck do I say?

I start tapping out a message while the kids run their laps around the court.

I had a great time last night…

Fuck, that’s so cheesy and cliché. Something some cheap player would say to some naïve girl that he knew was waiting with baited breath for his text. Kasey’s smarter than that and dammit, so am I, even if I’m out of practice.

I backspace and start fresh.

Last night meant a lot to me…

But how is she supposed to take that? Do I plan to follow up on that? I want to, but do I have the balls? Am I ready?

“Hey, Ben,” Brayden interrupts my inner struggle.

“Yeah?” I ask, trying to appear like I’m not mentally pulling my hair out.

“You said you were going to work on layups with us after laps, and we’ve been done for years,” he exaggerates like only a nine-year-old can.

“Right, just… I have an important to message to send…” I mumble gruffly. “Just give me a sec and we’ll do it.” I keep staring down at my phone.

“Can’t you just say what you want to say and send it?” he asks, bringing his shoulders all the way up to his ears. “Why do you have to think about it so long?”

Fucking hell.

“Alright,” I grumble, blowing out an irritated breath. Time to go with my gut and just do it. I’ll just tell her what I’m thinking, no more no less.

Thinking about you.

Just as I hitsend, I realize that sounds creepy and decide to send an afterthought.

Hope you’re having a good day.

There. She can love it or hate it, and if it’s the latter, I can just hop on a plane like she’s expecting me to and I won’t have to face the humiliation.

Chapter Twenty

Kasey

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