* * *
I mademy way down to the basement that, until now, Matthew and I had kept locked for the privacy of our tenant. Pete had left last week, however, and now the place was empty.
It was odd, really. I’d never actually been down here other than when Matthew had finished the kitchenette the week before Pete moved in. It was a nice space. A small, clean living room with a sliding glass door that opened onto a patio, plus a bedroom in the back and the kitchenette made for one. A good place for a single man. An even better space for a single mother who needed a room of her own.
I sighed as I walked around the living room. One day, maybe.
When Pete had told me he was leaving, I’d been scared, but then I’d considered the alternatives. I’d made enough as a teacher to handle his “rent” to Matthew, as promised. I could have turned the basement into a refuge for myself. A primary suite where I could go when the kids were asleep.
“‘A woman must have money and a room of her own,’” I murmured to myself, remembering the famous essay by Virginia Woolf.
Not yet, I supposed. Not quite yet.
“What’s that from, then?”
I turned from the screen door to find Xavier entering the apartment. He looked around the basement, hands shoved casually into his pockets.
I scowled and did not answer his question. “I’m sorry, did you not hear me say I needed a minute?”
“Sure, and I gave you ten. Generous, I think, since your sisters are about to eat me alive.”
I chuckled in spite of myself. I could imagine that all too clearly, with Lea leading the charge.
“You can think about it all you want, Ces, but your sister is right about one thing. You and Sof can’t stay here alone. Not with someone out there looking to harm you. Even if it is a soft sock, otherwise known as Adam fucking Klein.”
“Well, I don’t need you playing caveman with me either,” I said, defensive all over again. “I realize I’m vulnerable, but I’m really not as breakable as everyone seems to think. It was an effing letter, not a death threat.”
“Oh?” Xavier’s black brows knit together. “You don’t think saying ‘before I get rid of you’ is a threat?”
“I think it’s child’s play,” I said. “I think it’s not worth one iota of my energy when I have to find a new tenant, get a new job, and figure out how I’m going to raise a second baby in another several months. Honestly, I think you’re all freaking out over nothing.”
“It’s not nothing when it’s threatening my everything.”
Xavier looked like he wanted to yell, but again, he took a deep breath, closed his eyes, and managed to recompose himself.
I watched curiously. He’d been doing that a lot lately. The breathing. The resetting.
“You’re not on your own here,” he said in a calmer voice. “That offer for the house in the Village, or really wherever else you’d want to go—it’s still on the table.”
“I don’t need your charity,” I said lamely. “Or your mansions.”
“It’s not charity when it’s my own family. You just said it up there.”
“Sofia is your daughter, yes, but I do not belong to you, Xavi. You don’t need to lock me away in a fancy cupboard to keep me safe. I can figure this out on my own.”
Xavier groaned loudly. “For Christ’s sake, why can’t you just let me give this to you?”
“Why?” I demanded. “Why would you want to do that? We aren’t together, we don’t live together, and while I will certainly accept some amount of child support, I’m not looking for a free ride, Xavi. So, why? Why do that?”
“BECAUSE I LOVE YOU!” he practically exploded. “Like I keep fucking saying. Stop being so dense about it, Francesca. I love Sofia, I already love the little creature you’re growing, and I love you more than life itself!”
“Stop it,” I croaked. “Stop saying that.”
“Why?” Xavier prowled toward me. “Because you’re scared? Well, I’m scared too. I am. I was frightened the day I met you. Even more when I met our daughter. And now that we’ve got another one on the way, I’m fucking terrified, but not in the way you think. I’m scared the mother of my children might never love me again. I’m scared I’ve ruined everything.” He shook his head like he couldn’t believe it himself. “But in the end, it doesn’t matter, because I’ll tell you one thing, Ces. I’m not leaving you here to deal with all of this alone.”
“Oh, please,” I said. “I’ve heard that line before. But you can’t control your own life, Xavier. You have a business, a family, practically a whole kingdom to run on the other side of the pond.”
“And yet my heart resides here.”