Page 36 of Damaged Hearts

By the time I make it to the end of the hall, my chest is tight and I can't breathe. My mind swirls around what Browning did to me and Xander's hurtful words. Combined, it's debilitating. My heart aches and I collapse against the wall, my body slamming into the rough texture of the building.

All I can hear is my heartbeat vibrating through my eardrums and I can still feel Browning's hands on me, the pressure of him touching me. Bile rises in my throat and suddenly, I feel hands on my shoulder. The touch might be gentle but it feels like a punch and I cry, clutching my chest in panic.

My eyes snap up and Davina and Nala are before me. I watch their lips move, but I hear nothing. Their eyes are wide and the expressions on their faces show that they're freaked out.

"I can't breathe," I try to say, but I have no clue if the words actually come out. All I know is I'm the closest I've ever been to breaking.

* * *

Nala gaveme a little blue pill and within a few minutes, I can hear and breathe again, but my breathing is still labored and my heart aches.

"Hey, don't try to talk. Just relax, okay?" Nala offers.

I don't take her advice. "Is anyone else coming out here?" I ask, breathlessly. "I don't want to see Xander or Browning. Keep them away from me."

"Hey, calm down, okay?" Nala says as she holds my hand. "Everyone else is staying inside. It's just us for right now."

Right now. Others might be coming soon. I have to remember my life is no longer my own. I'm not Xander's girl. It's all been this huge facade of safety and compassion. It's not real.

No, that's not right. It's been real for me. I care about Xander, but that doesn't mean he feels the same way about me. This connection I've felt is one-sided.

Then, there's Browning who assaulted me. In comparison to what will happen to me, what he did was nothing. It was emotional torment, but there wasn't any pain. Soon, I'll be drugged, beaten, and savaged raped.

It's been twenty-one days. Xander only stopped one assault. It seemed like such a big thing, but in the grand scheme of things, one is nothing.

"I heard everything," I say, watching the way my hands still tremble, and my gaze moves to Davina. Her expression turns down and she tries to grab my hand but I flinch away.

"Laura–"

"Don't, okay? I'm not a porcelain doll. I can handle the truth. I don't need you gaslighting this." Can I really, though? Honestly, I probably can't, but the lies are even harder. Maybe if I knew the truth from the beginning, I could've stopped my heart from getting involved.

Davina seems stuck, her mind swirling, before she turns to Nala. "Give us a minute." She almost says it dismissively but Nala takes no offense.

Nala sends me a smile, squeezes my hand, and walks back to the apartment.

I pull my knees under me, consciously aware of my lack of panties, and look away from Davina. It doesn't matter what she says. She can't backtrack this.

"You don't need to say anything. I've always been used and pushed around."

"There is more going on here than you know, okay? I understand. You're upset. If I were in your position, I'd be mad, too." She tries to touch me again, but I pull away.

"What reason would I have to be mad?" I was mad at first. Now, I'm deflated and resigned. I should've known better than to think a guy like Xander would want me. He's the ultimate bad boy and I'm the tragically used good girl. We couldn't be further apart, and yet, I felt like he was a kindred spirit. I saw our mutually damaged hearts, but it was an act.

"Just…please, reserve judgment right now. When everyone leaves, my son and I will explain everything, I promise."

Though I can't completely agree, I nod to end the conversation. The last thing I need is to keep going in a circle about this. Agreeing gives me a reprieve even if just for a short while.

* * *

Davina walksme back to the apartment and all eyes are on me as I step inside. Everyone looks suspicious, but I plaster on a fake smile.

"Sorry. I just needed some air. It's good for the soul." The lie rolls off my tongue with ease and everyone seems to buy it…except Xander. His eyes are still locked on me even as I walk across the living room, heading for the bedroom.

"Laura," Xander mumbles my name as he intercepts me at the beginning of the hall. "What you heard, I can—"

A small laugh falls from my lips and it tastes bitter. "Go fuck yourself."

I push past him and go to the bedroom where I know I'll be alone. I know the rules of Xander's apartment well. No one is allowed in his room except for him and me. The only entrance to the bathroom is in his room. Sucks to be anyone hanging out here.

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