Page 75 of Careless

Ireally fucking hate nights like these, nights where I’m forced away from my woman, nights where there is no way for us to be in the same domain. I contemplated sitting outside her house in my car like I used to. The idea comes with a sense of nostalgia, like stalking her was a rite of passage. But, these assholes demanded my presence.

I know why they want me here. It's not because I’m rarely around. It’s because the date is creeping up on us. In a week, it will be the six-year anniversary of my mother’s suicide and they think I need their support to get through it.

What I need is to be buried deep in my woman. When I’m inside her, nothing else matters. I won’t need to even register what day it is if the world would leave us alone so we could just be us.

Sorcha is my safe space—my home.

My instinct is to say fuck everyone and be a hermit for the next week, but that’s a cycle I need to break. My girl needs me to be present, and if I give into old habits, I’ll lose her. I’ll hurt her again and she won’t look past it this time. She’s given me more chances than I fucking deserve, but I don’t think she would be willing to give me another.

I don’t want to fuck this up. I just want to be good enough for her, and I’m getting there.

The spouts of joy have been few and far between, but the moments are getting closer together less sporadic.

I am better prepared to deal with life and it’s all because of her. She makes me happy and brings a light to my life I don’t think I could live without.

“Pass the fucking joint already!” Colin complains as Finn takes the longest drag in history.

“Get your own,” Finn teases the youngest of our crew before passing him the joint, grinning. The smoke leaks between his teeth before he blows out billows of smoke. He looks like a psycho out of an old horror movie.

I’m glad my best friend is happy. I really am, but a part of me wants to strangle him because he’s also an obstacle to my own happiness.

When Finn is around, I can’t just grab my woman and pull her into me. Sorcha is still scared of Finn’s reaction to us being a couple. She wants to be respectful, yet Finn practically fucks Francine whenever he sees her, regardless of where they are. He can’t keep his hands off of her and it doesn’t matter if there’s an audience.

Finn is the brother Sorcha was raised with, while Francine is her half-sister. If anything, Finn should be considerate of Sorcha’s feelings.

I’m sick of walking around on eggshells. It’s been weeks, and it's time we just come out about us being together. I won’t do that on my own. It has to be me and Sorcha.

Honesty is the best way to go about it. It's better that Finn finds out from us rather than from some rumor created by people seeing us together.

My phone vibrates in my pocket, so I pull it out as Eoghan brings in the stack of burgers he finished grilling for us.

It's a notification from the tracker I installed on Sorcha’s car. It’s the middle of the night.Where the fuck does she think she’s going?

I open the GPS app and watch the dot that signifies her vehicle as she drives out of the neighborhood.

“Aren’t you hungry, man?” Tiernan bugs me as he waves a burger in my face.

Honestly, I’m starving, but nothing holds my attention like my woman does.

“I gotta go,” I announce as I stand from the couch, throwing on my jacket.

“Come on, man,” Colin complains.

“I ditched Francine so we could hang out!” Finn argues.

“I just made these burgers, asshole!” Eoghan adds.

“Appreciate it, but unless one of you is going to suck my cock tonight, I’ve got other places to be,” I joke dryly as I grab one of the burgers and shove it in my mouth.

Eoghan makes some good burgers.

“Not it!” Tiernan declares, throwing me a grin as I pocket my cell. He knows if I brought up fellatio, that means there’s only one person I’m going to see. He’s not at all offended that I’d rather be with her than them.

That is a true friend.

Colin all but pouts. “Get your rocks off some other time.” Colin is the leastpromiscuousof us all. He could bed any bitch in this town if he wanted to, but he doesn’t. He’s levelheaded, and if it wasn’t for the pact, I could see him being the one of us most likely to make a relationship work. I could see Colin being a good father and a solid patriarch of his family.

He’s not crazy like the rest of us. He’s never gotten his hands dirty.

---