Page 30 of Careless

“What?” I ask, unsure of why he isn’t saying anything. “Aren’t you going to try to tell me I can’t go or I need an escort?”

“What good would that do? You would just tell me to go to hell. I’d rather just skip all the screaming and go straight to pinning you against the wall and fucking your mouth with mine.” He tries for a humorous air so I can’t tell if he’s seriously flirting with me or just teasing.

If he used that technique previously, I would have attended way less parties. The only time Rian has ever kissed me was when we were already in bed. Tfdcrrhat was supposed to be the last time as well.

He steps into my space and cages me against the counter. Rian has been keeping his distance, and it’s for the best. On a good day, it’s hard to look at him, let alone speak to him, and this is no different. So why is he breaking the rules now?

Even though he told me he loves me and admitted I’m the only girl he has ever kissed, he went back to screwing other girls and acting like he doesn’t want me. That’s not showing someone you love them.

“Stop,” I say as I struggle to rein in my emotions. Sometimes the ones with the greatest power to hurt us are the ones we love the most.

He leans into me as if he’s about to kiss me, but stops short and runs his knuckles down my cheek as he presses his forehead against mine. “I’ll drive you home tonight. You shouldn’t get behind the wheel when you’ve been drinking.”

I try to come up with some lame excuse to avoid being alone with him, like spending the night with Francine, but his closeness makes my brain short circuit somehow and I end up nodding at his request.

“What’s wrong?” he asks, his eyes softening like they did the night we spent together, but this is different. It’s not with care, but an undeniable concern.

Is he stupid? How can he ask me that? Doesn’t he know how bad I hurt every single day?

“Stop with all of this, please.” I wave my arms as much as I can in the limited space allotted to me. “All this does is make everything else worse, okay?” I say, dropping the facade of the happy girl everyone wants to see. I’m miserable, and every day is full of pain and disappointment. How could he not understand how hard it is to watch him act like I don’t exist when others are around, but is now touching me like I’m his when it’s just the two of us. Day after day, I watch him betray his vow of love in the name of self-preservation. Rian turnedloveinto a four letter word and he has the nerve to ask mewhat’s wrong?

“What?” Incredulity weighs heavy on his brow. He drops his hand and steps back. He only concedes a few inches, but it allows me the ability to finally breathe and straighten out my thoughts. “I can’t touch you now?”

“You weren’t supposed to touch me in the first place. Remember?” My voice probably sounds cold, but it's the only way to keep myself from crying. Him touching me is how we ended up in this mess. If he hadn’t touched me, my desperation for him wouldn’t be so strong in this moment. Instead of sharing my anguish, Rian touches other women. After all, my brother doesn’t have a problem with his best friend touching women. Just me. Rian gets to find reprieve in another woman’s snatch while nothing comes close to soothing the ache in my chest.

I doubt any man could heal this wound, not even the man that inflicted it.

“You know this is how things need to be,” I add, before looking into his eyes. Eyes that hypnotize me and wound me daily.

“Doesn’t mean I have to like it,” he groans as he attempts to take my hand in his, but I snatch it away like his touch burns me.

It did. Only it’s a mark no one can see.

“Sorcha—”

“You didn’t seem to mind it much yesterday, or pretty much every other day.” I know the circumstances aren’t his fault, and I don’t want him to hurt as much as I do, but the fact that he can even stomach anyone else touching him makes me mad. He could make more of an effort to not rub his “distractions” in my face.

“Hey,” he grumbles, trying to…do what? Smooth things over? Explain his actions? I may be acting irrational, but I don’t want to hear anything he has to say. It won’t change anything.

“I have to go. They’re waiting for me and I’m sure you have someone waiting for you.” I move out of his reach and barely make it out of the kitchen before I hear a loud bang. If I had to guess, I’d say he kicked the wall or maybe the fridge, but it’s not my circus.

Rian Walsh isn’t mine. Maybe he was never meant to be. With how bad my luck is in this life, I must have done something incredibly heinous in a past one.

* * *

“Hey! You made it!”Francine smiles as I step into her kitchen with the beer in my arms.

I’ve known these girls for years, but we’ve never been close. Francine has never been one of my close friends, more of an acquaintance. Francine, Willow, and Nyla have always been nice to me, which can’t be said for all the pretty, rich girls in Grove Hill. I’ve always believed my only friends live on Mason Road—the road my brother and Kia live on—only a few houses apart.

If I’m going to survive this Rian thing, I need a trusted circle outside of them. Somewhere I can get a bit of unbiased advice and share my thoughts without fear of consequences, somewhere safe—even if it’s with the girl my brother is screwing.

“Yup. I brought Dos Equis,” I declare with a flourish as I set the beer down. “I’m surprised Eoghan or Colin didn’t try to send you with arms full of party supplies,” she teases with that smile in place. It seems so genuine, like she’s actually happy I’m here, and didn’t just invite me to earn brownie points with my brother.

I laugh. “Oh, they tried, and they also tried to invite themselves along.” I stop when I remember the name Colin mentioned that I didn’t recognize. “Question, who is Harley?”

Francine blushes. “Um, me. They started calling me that today. I think what Colin said is that I'ma whole lotta pretty and a whole lotta crazy.”

She’s definitely pretty, but crazy? The image of her covered in blood, walking into my brother’s house last night, races through my mind and leads me to believe…maybe? I have no clue whose blood that was, but after giving her a quick visual inspection, I saw no cuts on her.

---