Page 26 of Careless

“No,” he refuses as my eyes meet his stare.

I want to strangle him.Why can’t he ever just do what I say?

Anger starts to replace my sadness. “Get out. I’m sure there are a few girls in this town you haven’t screwed yet. Why don’t you bother them?” I know it's a low blow, but it falls like an avalanche from my lips. I can’t stop. “Or, are the only ones left girls that look like me?”

I try to forget, but I can never erase the memory of him saying that he doesn’t fuck girls that look like me. What did that even really mean? He’s never around girls that aren’t perfectly toned and bordering on anorexic. Is that what he meant?

“Stop it,” he groans as he grabs my arm, my face slams against his chest as he tugs me to him.

I want to stay wrapped in his arms and never leave, just block everything else out. Ignore our reality, but it's impossible. Finn is my brother and Rian’s best friend. He will always be a part of both of our lives, and this thing between us has to end if I’m to keep both of them.

“Just go away, Rian. For once in your miserable life, do what I tell you,” I cry, plead and beg, but I can’t bring myself to push him away. I know I have to, but my arms only tighten around him.

“I’m not going anywhere, kid,” he whispers in my ear, making me want to bury myself in his arms forever.

No, I can’t do that. Goddamn it. Be strong, Sorcha.

I dig deep into myself and pull out all the strength I can muster. “No!” I duck out of his arms and glare at him. “Get out!”

“No!” he challenges right back, standing his ground as firmly as I do.

I don’t care if Dad can hear us. I’m pissed and hurting.

“Get the fuck out, Walsh!” I wave my hands in the air and scream like a tantrum throwing toddler, but he’s still standing there.

“Not until you tell me what’s wrong!” he yells right back in my face. I think this is not much different from our normal arguments until I see it. Naked, unadulterated terror. It’s a sharp edge that cuts deep and leaves behind scars. It leaves behind bodies. That’s what’s different in his icy blue eyes.

Rian Walsh hasn’t been this scared out of his mind since….Oh my god. His mom.

I didn’t see her the day she died, but Rian did. He only talked to me about it once and I haven’t forgotten a single word. She was crying when he left with his dad to go to the doctor. He had been sick and had an appointment. Otherwise, he would have stayed home with her. He was the one that found her. I think she had meant for it to be his dad since she had locked the door. But after pounding on the door for a good amount of time, he found the key, then found her. I’ve known since that day the trauma he endured would never leave him, and this is further proof of that. As irrational as it may seem, he’s scared that if he leaves, he won’t be there to stop me from killing myself. As if he could have done something to save his mother’s life.

I would never do something like that. I may get depressed at times with my situation and the stuff happening around me, but I love my family and friends too much to leave them behind. Rian knows this logically, but his trauma brain won’t allow him to take the chance.

I return to him and slowly wrap my arms around his shoulder, burying my fingers into his hair as he holds me against him, breathing me in. I bet he can smell my lilac shampoo and my orchid and cherry blossom scented body spray from the way he presses his nose against my neck. I can definitely smell the leather accents and manly musk that is all his own.

Like everything else about us, we smell like polar opposites, but I still crave everything about him. His touch, the feel of his hair between my fingers, how deep his voice is, the way he smells.

How can anyone expect me to give this up, especially when it's so obvious that Rian needs this, too? We are what each other needs. It’s not fair at all.

His lips caress my pulse pounding against my neck and my breath catches. He runs his hands under my bottom and lifts me up. Instinctively, I wrap my legs around his hips as he kicks the door closed and struts over to the bed. In the next moment he’s lying on top of me. Rian doesn’t crush me with his weight, only holds me against him.

We shouldn’t be doing this. I should kick him out, or call Dad in to remove Rian, but I can’t when he’s like this.

Rian kisses up my throat, giving my skin gentle pecks until he meets my jaw.

Please, don’t stop.

His fingers knot in my hair as he tilts my head back with his grip. Then, his mouth is on mine, stealing our first kiss like he steals everything else.

I never offered my heart to him. He just took it like he does with everything else he wants. Like when he went down on me and then claimed my mouth with his cock. He takes everything, including this.

I whimper against his hypnotizing lips as his tongue pries mine open and owns me. He has always owned my heart. Might as well let him claim the rest of me.

These thoughts race through my brain as he settles himself between my thighs, adjusting my leg over his hip. His fingers dig into my thigh and I hope he leaves marks.

It seems quite poetic, this circumstance I find myself in, to end this thing between us with our first-time having sex.

CHAPTERTEN

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