Page 25 of Careless

I like putting my hands on Rian’s body and feeling his hands on me, but nothing is worth losing him for good.

Tears assault my eyes as I cave into my emotions, leaning into the wall. My dad’s voice breaks into my thoughts. “Sweetheart, I’m so—”

I can’t listen to him tell me how sorry he is. It will be too much for me to take.

“I’ll be okay, Dad. I always am.”

That’s a lie and my dad knows it. I’ve been madly in love with Rian Walsh since I was a little girl, and I always dreamed that he would return my feelings. Now that I know he does, nothing can come of it. My dreams are crushed once again. The last time they were crushed to this degree was so devastating that I nearly lost myself.

I went a year without even being able to look at him for fear of breaking down.

The day he told me he didn’t fuck girls that look like me hurt, but that wasn’t what nearly destroyed me. What did it was when I returned to that party and watched him walk up the stairs with Clara Malloy. I’m not proud of it, but I followed them. When I reached the top of the stairs, I saw him go into a room with her. Before closing the door behind him, he looked at me with the most careless set of blue eyes I had ever seen.

He knew I knew what he was doing when he went into that room to fuck a girl almost half my size. And he didn’t give a damn how much that hurt me.

Clara is prettier, nicer, and skinnier than me. Everyone likes beautiful and blonde cheerleaders like Clara. Girls like that have a ton of friends and have guys asking them out all the time.

Not me.

“Have fun at the party,” my dad says. I’m not sure how to decipher if there’s an underlying meaning to his words.

I nearly give him a morbid laugh, but I hold it in.

The excitement I had going into the night turns into a bucket of ice water that pours down my spine. “I’m not in a partying mood anymore.” I need to be alone. I can’t hide the heartbreak from anyone, much less Kia.

I return to my room and plop on my bed, slipping off my heels. The tears flow as I grab my sweatshirt from earlier and pull it down my body, not bothering to remove my party outfit.

I hate this. I fucking hate this. Why does the universe insist on punishing me repeatedly?

I finally let the sob fall from my lips as I pull out my phone. My fingers feel like lead weights as I type out a quick text to Kia, canceling tonight.

Then I send a second text to smooth things over so she doesn’t ask questions.

Sorcha

I’m sorry. Something happened. I’ll explain later.

Kia

No worries. Have fun getting dicked down. ??

Of course, she thinks this is about sex. I don’t bother correcting her. I wish it had been, but it’s about the responsibility of other people’s lives being forced on my shoulders.

I’m still wrapped up in my pity party when the doorbell rings. I try to wipe away my tears, but they keep falling.Why the hell can’t I stop them from falling?

“I don’t give a shit how pissed you get about it. You’re not going to that–”

My heart nearly crumbles at the sound of Rian’s raised and angry voice. I take a few more swipes at my face, then look up when I hear my door opening. He’s standing in my threshold wearing his black motorcycle boots, dark fitted jeans and black tee. He looks beautiful. And furious. I know why he’s here. He wants to stop me from going to that party, but jokes on him because I already decided I’m not going. I wish he wasn’t here, not because I hate how controlling he can be, but because I’m not ready to face him with everything Dad just threw at me.

I thought we could avoid the consequences and sneak around, but if Dad knows, it's only a matter of time before Finn figures it out. This thing between Rian and me shouldn’t have even started.

“You didn’t need to come over. I’m not going, okay? Just go home, Rian.” I nearly whimper the words as I wring the hem of my sweatshirt, hoping the tension in my fingers will help get my emotions under control, but it doesn’t.

“What happened?” he growls, like there’s some huge offense that has been committed against me.

No one can hurt me as badly as I hurt myself, Rian.

“Please.” More tears fall, but he doesn’t leave. The opposite, actually. He steps further into my room, his eyes honed in on my every move.

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