Page 47 of Chasing Shadows

I’m in a state of shock. I feel like I’m in an alternate universe or something. None of this is really happening. Dad’s not fighting for his life back there beyond those operating room doors.

Tom says something, and then I’m watching the surgeon’s back retreat through the swinging doors.

“Harley?” Tom says, shaking my shoulder. “Harley.”

“Fuck this.” I stand up. “Give me your keys. I can’t be here right now.”

Tom frowns. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“Give me your damn keys.”

He sighs and fishes around in his pocket. “Call me when you get home, so I know you’re safe.”

I don’t respond, storming down the hallway. I get lost a couple of times, and I have to stop and ask for directions, but eventually I make it out into the parking lot. I lean against Tom’s ute, chest heaving as I try and get my emotions under control before I drive back to Blue Haven from Ballina. None of this is going to matter if I write myself off in a car accident.

My thoughts are all over the shop as I drive home along the windy ocean roads. Dad needs lifesaving surgery, and Conrad’s going to be the one to save him. Lily wants to leave. I miss Mum. I’m twenty-one, and my life’s as big a fucking mess. When am I ever going to catch a break?

My chest tightens when I pull up in the driveway, my eyes drifting to the entryway where I almost kissed Lily. How was that only a couple of hours ago? Is she even still here? I’m terrified to get out of the car in case she’s gone. If she leaves, I don’t know if I’ll make it through all this. I can’t lose anyone else. I need to tell her how I feel about her. I need to tell her I want her in my life–permanently.

I feel the panic taking over my body again, and I squeeze my eyes shut, trying to focus on my breathing. Tears sting my eyes. This is fucking bullshit. How much can one person take?

I push out of Tom’s ute, stumbling up the driveway before I completely fall apart. I fumble with my keys, finally slotting them in the lock and opening the front door. That’s as far as I get, the door slamming closed behind me. I slide down to the floor, burying my head in my arms as I fall apart.

TWENTY-TWO

LILY

I’M STARTLED AWAKE by the front door slamming shut. I lay still, listening carefully for the sound of footsteps telling me that Tom or Harley is home, or both, but there’s nothing. Grabbing my phone off the bedside table, I check the time: it’s just past four.

Curiosity gets the best of me. I crawl out of bed and slip on a hoodie to ward off the winter chill. I tiptoe to the door, opening it quietly. The house is still dark, and I can’t see or hear anything. My heart is racing as I move out into the hallway. There’s a dark figure hunched over, slumped with his back against the front door. I move closer, swallowing around the lump in my throat.

“Harley?” I croak out, dropping onto my knees next to him. His shoulders shake, and he lets out a guttural sound. My heart shatters into a million pieces. I reach for him, andhe buries his head in my neck, clinging to me like his life depends on it. “Shh. It’s okay. I’m here. I’m not going anywhere.”

I have no idea how long we sit there, him breaking down while I continue to rub his back and murmur soothing words even though I have no clue what’s happened. Is his dad dead? Where’s Tom?

Eventually, he sucks in a shuddering breath and pulls away from me, swiping at his eyes. He refuses to meet my gaze, staring straight ahead.

“Talk to me, Herc,” I murmur, reaching up to brush his hair back off his face. “Your dad, is he–”

“He’s alive,” he chokes out, and my shoulders slump in relief. “His kidney was badly damaged, and apparently he only has one, so he needs a transplant to survive. He’s in an induced coma until they can find a match.”

“Well, that’s good right? They can help him. He’ll be okay.”

Harley shakes his head. “There were complications with his surgery. He needed an emergency blood transfusion, and I couldn’t help him. I couldn’t fucking help him.”

“Did Tom–?”

“Conrad.”

“Oh.” Her voice is soft, but I can still hear the pity in the single syllable.

“I hated him–Dad. I was so mad at him for what he didto Mum, for lying to her and us. He took her from us. I fucking hated him.” He brings his hands up to his temples, rubbing at them. “But I don’t want this. I can’t lose him, Lily. I can’t lose anyone else.”

“Hey,” I soothe, trying to pull his hands away, but he’s too strong for me. Instead, I cup his cheek, bringing his gaze up to meet mine. “That’s okay. Your feelings are valid. That doesn’t mean you don’t still love him. He’ll be okay. You’re not going to lose him.”

“I’m scared.” He buries his head in my neck again, his muscular arms crushing me to him.

“I’m here. I’m not going anywhere. Whatever you need, I’m here.”

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