Page 90 of Searching for Nova

“You could if you wanted to.”

“It’s not about wanting to. It’s not that simple.”

I turn to face her. “You’re afraid.”

“I’m not afraid,” she says, defensively.

“Then prove it. Go out with me.”

She sighs. “I’m not going to date someone who’s leaving in a few months.”

“It’s more like a year than a few months, and Madison isn’t that far away.”

“You’re still leaving.”

“This isn’t about me leaving.” I take her hand in mine. “This is about you not wanting to get hurt. Not wanting us to love each other even more, and then lose each other again.”

“I never said I loved you,” she mutters, gazing down at the floor.

“You did when we were kids, and I don’t think that just went away. It didn’t for me.”

She looks up at me. “It didn’t?”

“No. I love you, Nova. I always will.”

“That’s just because of what we went through together. It’s a different kind of love.”

“You’re right, it is. But seeing you again, spending all this time with you, I’m finding I love you differently, as more than a friend. It’s not the same way I loved you when we were kids. And it’s why I don’t want to just mess around with you.”

Nova doesn’t say anything. Her eyes are bouncing all around like she’s afraid to look at me. She doesn’t know how to react after I told her that. I wasn’t sure if I should, but then I decided to just tell her, because she needs to hear it. She needs to hear that someone loves her. I’m guessing it’s been a really long time since someone told her that. Ted sure wouldn’t. I’m sure that Mateo guy didn’t, or the other guys she’s been with. It’s possible I was the last person who told her that, back when we were five. So I told her again today. Because I love her, and she needs to hear it.

23

Easton

“So what doyou want to do?” I say, changing topics. Nova shuts down when things get too emotional, and telling her I love her stirred up more emotion than she can handle. I need to get her mind off it before it ruins our evening. “You want to watch a movie?”

“I don’t have a TV.”

“We’ll take the one from the living room.”

“We can’t. Ted told me never to move the TV.”

“Fuck Ted. He’s not even here.”

She smiles. “You don’t like Ted, do you?”

“I hate him. He’s fucking mean, even to his own grandkid.”

“You get used to it after a while.”

“We really can’t move the TV? How’s he gonna know?”

“He’ll know. And he might be home soon if his date doesn’t work out.”

“So we’ll buy one. You can keep it in your room.”

“A TV?” she says with a laugh. “Yeah, right.”