Page 72 of Searching for Nova

I lean down and kiss her lips, just once, before pulling away. Her eyes open and meet up with mine. That fear is still there. I feel it too. We’re doing something we know we shouldn’t, but it’s what we want, and I’m not stopping unless she tells me to.

“You okay?” I ask, smiling at her.

She smiles back. “Never been better.”

“That’s what I was going for.” I kiss her again, then move back down her body. I hook my fingers around the strings of her panties and slide them down her legs, watching her eyes shut, listening as her breaths speed up again.

When I lower my mouth between her legs, her hips jerk up. I hold her in place and lick her up and down, slowly. She’s panting, and keeps trying to move, but I won’t let her. She’s mine now, mine to devour until all the tension building inside her breaks loose.

“Holy shit,” she whispers, her body writhing as my tongue moves faster. I let go of her legs, one hand going to her tit, the other going between her legs. I slide two fingers inside her, pumping in and out as my tongue finishes her off.

“Oh, God!” she cries out. I feel her spasm around my fingers as her body trembles. When I feel her relax, I kiss my way back up her body. Her chest is dotted with sweat and she’s struggling to breathe.

I already wish I could do that again. I loved it, every second of it, but I have a feeling she’ll push me away after this, thinking it’ll lead to something she won’t let herself have. She’ll tell me it was a mistake, that we shouldn’t have done it. I’m sure in a few days, I’ll tell myself the same thing, when I’m missing her like crazy and she won’t return my calls. Even so, I don’t regret tonight. I wanted her to feel this, to know what it’s like when a guy cares more about her needs than his own. That’s how it should be, and maybe now, she’ll find a guy that will treat her that way. I wish I could be that guy, but she won’t let me, which is probably for the best.

Nova sits up, wrapping the blanket around her. She’s smiling as she leans up to kiss me. Her hands go to my chest, then lower to my belt. She starts to undo it, but I stop her.

“What are you doing?” I ask.

“We’re not done.”

“We are.” I look in her eyes. “Tonight was about you. And only you.”

“But—”

“No.” I take her hands from my belt and lift them to my mouth, placing a kiss on her knuckles. “I did that for you.”

“That doesn’t make sense. You can’t just let one person feel that way and not the other.”

“Is that how it is? When you’re with that guy? Does he—” I don’t even want to say it. I want to kill that guy.

“He doesn’t do that to me. I don’t think he knows how. None of the guys I’ve been with do.”

“Because they only care about getting themselves off. You need to stay away from those guys. A guy who really cares about you will want to do that. He’ll like it. It’ll turn him on and he’ll want to make you feel like that again.”

She looks down. “I don’t think it works that way.”

“It does with the right guy.” I tilt her face up to look at me. “Don’t settle on whatever guy gives you attention. You’re worth so much more than that, Nova.”

She laughs a little and shakes her head. “I’m really not. Ask Ted. He’ll tell you how worthless I am.”

Fuck, now I want to kill him too. How could her own grandfather say that to her? My real father was a shitty dad, but even he never told me I’m worthless.

“Ted doesn’t know what the fuck he’s talking about. If anyone’s worthless, it’s him. He sits around all day, drinking beer and watching TV while you’re working two jobs and going to school.”

“He can’t work. He has back problems.”

“I don’t give a shit. That doesn’t mean it’s okay for him to tell you that.” I hold her shoulders and look in her eyes. “Listen to me. You are worth way more than Ted, or any of those guys you’ve dated, told you. Don’t let those assholes make you believe something that’s not true.”

“It kind of is.” She pulls the blanket tighter around her. “I’m not really doing anything with my life.”

“That doesn’t make you worthless. And what do you mean you’re not doing anything? You work and go to school. That’s more than most of my friends do.”

“Yeah, but they’re going to college. I’m not.”

“You could.”

“With what money?” She reaches back and picks up her shirt. “I need to get dressed. Have you seen my bra?”

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