Page 63 of Searching for Nova

“Yeah.”

He smiles. “Then get me a steak. Something good. And a potato. Oh, and another six pack. I’m almost out.”

“He can’t buy beer,” I say. “He’s the same age as me. See you at six.”

Easton and I go out in the hall and down to the elevator.

“I told you he’d assume we had sex.”

“That’s crazy. I can’t imagine my grandparents being like that. They didn’t even like seeing me hold my girlfriend’s hand.”

We get in the elevator and go down to the first floor.

“Do they live here?” I ask as we go out to the parking lot.

“My grandparents? The ones on my mom’s side do. My dad’s parents live in Chicago.”

“Do you see them much?”

“The ones who live here, yeah. My other grandparents I usually only see at holidays. We have a big Christmas with all the family, both sides. Same for Easter.”

It’s another way our lives are different. I don’t even celebrate holidays. Ted and I treat them like any other day. But sometimes I imagine what it’d be like to have the kind of big holiday celebrations like they show on TV. The kind with family, and colorful decorations, and tons of food.

“You getting in?” Easton asks, smiling as he holds the door for me.

“Oh, yeah.” I say, wondering how long I was standing there.

Easton takes me to a restaurant that’s close to my school. He said he passed it on the way to the rink last Sunday and wanted to try it. I went there once with Mateo and his family. It was his sister’s birthday and Mateo’s mom invited me and paid for my meal. Mateo would never pay for me. If we go out, we split the bill.

“Where do we go to get your grandfather’s steak?” Easton asks as he sets money out for the bill.

“I’ll get mine,” I say, digging in my pocket for some money.

As I set it on the table, Easton puts his hand over mine. “Put it away.”

I look up at him. “You shouldn’t have to pay every time we go out.”

“This was my idea. So I’m paying.” He lifts his hand from mine as I take my money back and stuff it in my pocket.

“Fine, but I’m paying for Ted’s steak. We can get it at the place down the street. It’s a bar, but they sell food. Ted’s friend works there. He’ll give us a deal.” I check the time. “We should go. It’s almost six.”

It seems like we just got here, but we’ve been here for two hours. Easton and I talked so much that the time went by without me noticing. We were talking about the past, reliving old memories. We avoided the sad ones and the serious ones and only focused on the funny ones, like when we used to dig up parts of Liz’s back yard, convinced we’d find buried treasure. We’d heard a story on the news that a guy found a thousand dollars buried in his back yard so we took a shovel from the garage and got to work, digging a hole. At that age, we didn’t have the strength to get very far, and when Liz found the holes, she blamed the dog. We never told her it was us.

“This was the best night I’ve had in a long time,” Easton says as we go out to the parking lot.

“The bar’s just down the street,” I say, pretending I didn’t hear him. “Like a mile that way.” I point to the right.

He has this frustrated look on his face that’s almost the same look he gave me when he’d get frustrated with me as a kid. But this time it’s not because I kept stealing the toy truck he wanted. It’s because I won’t give him the reaction he wants, or say what he wants to hear. He wants me to admit that we’re still friends, that all the time that’s passed hasn’t changed that. But it has. He just doesn’t want to admit it. It’s not just our lives that are different now, but how we interact. We’re no longer two little kids throwing sand at each other and calling each other silly names. We’re adults now, or almost adults, and we’re attracted to each other, more than either one of us is willing to admit. So how could we just go back to being friends? It wouldn’t work. And I don’t want it to. I can’t let him back in my heart. He took part of it when he left all those years ago, but he’s not taking even more of it now.

“That’s it.” I point to the small brick building with no windows.

“Are you sure?” Easton pulls in the parking lot. “It doesn’t even have a sign.””

“It’s right there. By the door. It’s just faded so it’s hard to read.”

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen a restaurant without windows.”

“It’s more of a bar than a restaurant. And it used to be a strip club.” I open the door to get out. “You can wait here. It won’t take long. Joe usually has steaks sitting under the warmer.”

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