Page 75 of Searching for Nova

She pulls back and looks at me. “I never got any letters.”

“My mom found them and threw them out. She said I had to move on and find other friends. Eventually I did, but I still couldn’t let you go. You were the only person who understood me. The only person who knew how it felt to have no one, no parents, nobody to take you. You knew what it was like to not know when you’d eat again. Sometimes I can’t believe that used to be my life. I’ve tried to forget those years and block them out, but I can’t, because one of those years I spent with you. And I never want to forget that.”

We’re both quiet for a moment, then I hear Nova softly laugh. “You really asked your parents to adopt me?”

“Only about a million times. And when they told me no, I hated them for it. I didn’t understand why they could take me and not you.”

She’s quiet, then says, “I shouldn’t tell you this.”

“Tell me what?”

“I hated you when you left.” She looks up at me. “I even wished that something bad would happen to you.”

“Like what?”

“A snake would bite you or you’d fall out of a tree.” She cringes. “Sorry. That’s horrible, isn’t it?”

“It’s not horrible. It’s normal. You were angry and hurt and probably as confused as I was why some kids get adopted and some don’t.”

“I thought something was wrong with me,” Nova says, moving off me and leaning back against the seat. “I thought I was too loud or too messy or too much of a tomboy. I thought I wasn’t pretty enough or smart enough. I came up with a million reasons to explain why nobody wanted me.” She pauses. “And then Ted showed up.”

“Was he nice to you in the beginning?”

“No. He made it clear I had to do my chores in exchange for living with him. If I didn’t, he’d kick me out.”

“He actually said that? When you were six?”

She nods. “He still says it, and I’m not calling his bluff. I know he’d do it. He doesn’t want me there. He can’t wait until I graduate and have to leave.”

“Where are you gonna go?”

“I don’t know yet, but Ted’s already told me I have to be out the day after I graduate. He’s only kept me around so he can get a check every month. When that ends, he wants me out.”

“Are you saving money to get an apartment?”

“I’m trying to, but Ted makes me give him part of my paycheck for expenses.”

I turn to face her. “Nova, I know you don’t like accepting help but please, let me help you. I don’t want you living on the streets. I’ve been there. I know what it’s like, and believe me, you don’t want to do it.”

“I’m not taking your money.”

“It could be a loan. You can pay me back when you can.”

She pauses like she’s considering it. “Maybe. It’s too soon to talk about this. It’s only November. Maybe by May I’ll have enough money saved to get a place.”

The parking lot lights shut off, leaving us in darkness.

“I think they’re telling us to leave,” Nova says.

I look back at the sculpture garden. “They left the lights on around the sculptures.”

“To keep people from vandalizing them.” She smiles at me. “Good thing we didn’t stay out there. I didn’t even see the cameras.”

“I saw them when we were walking around. They saw us kissing, but at least they didn’t see anything else.”

“We should go.” She gets out the back of the Jeep and hops in the front.

I’m not ready for the night to end, but it’s getting late. I should get her home.

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