Page 18 of Searching for Nova

After dinner, Mateo and I go back to his room. He plays video games the rest of the night while I look at stuff on my phone. I’m still bothered by what he said earlier. I know we’re not dating, but I’d like to know when he’s seeing other girls. I’d tell him if I was seeing another guy.

Maybe I should end this and find someone else. Mateo and I could still be friends. We just wouldn’t have sex. Or maybe I should just take a break from guys. I keep picking the wrong ones. Every guy I’ve been with wants to keep things casual and just have sex. I’ve never had a guy even call me his girlfriend.

Around ten, I look over at Mateo, who hasn’t moved since we came up here after dinner, not even to go to the bathroom. I think he’s addicted to video games. “Did you ask your mom if I can stay?”

“No. You can go ask her.”

“What if she says no? I have nowhere to go.”

“Just sleep here. She won’t even know.”

“You said I can’t sleep here.”

“Because I don’t want you getting all clingy and shit. A girl spends the night and thinks it means something, like we’re a couple.”

“I wouldn’t think that.”

“Then sleep here, but don’t be getting all close to me and shit. Stay on your own side.”

“Fine,” I mutter. He has no problem with me getting close when we’re having sex, but I can’t get near him when we sleep? Whatever. At least I have a place to crash.

Mateo continues to play his game while I try to sleep. But my thoughts keep going to Easton. I never texted him back. I wanted to, but I couldn’t make myself do it.

I’ve missed him so much, but now that he’s here, I don’t know what to do. My feelings are all over the place, some good, some bad. There’s so much I want to ask him, but I’m afraid to, and I’m not sure why.

6

Easton

“Let’s get out of here,”Paris whispers in my ear as she runs her hand down my chest.

“We’re not leaving,” I tell her. “We’re in the middle of watching a movie.”

“Nobody’s watching the movie,” she says, glancing at Jace and Liza making out at the end of the large, wraparound couch. On the other end are Kevin and Bridget. They’re kissing, and Kevin covered them with a blanket so he can do stuff to her without us seeing, but it’s obvious what he’s doing from the movement of his hand under the blanket.

We’re all in Jace’s basement, which has a massive TV and surround sound system. We hang out here if we don’t have a party to go to, or sometimes we’ll go to Kevin’s house. He doesn’t have the massive TV, but he’s got a good basement with a pool table and decent-sized TV, and lots of spare bedrooms for when you want to be alone with your girl. We rarely go to my house because my parents are always home and checking on us to make sure we’re not drinking or breaking one of their other rules.

My parents are the strictest of all my friends. Having a mom who used to prosecute criminals means I can’t get away with anything. She’s always trying to keep me out of trouble. The older I get, the more worried she is that something will happen. I’m pretty sure she thinks there’s some genetic trait for criminal behavior that will make me like my father. He was always getting in trouble with the law. I was too young to know what was going on, but I remember police showing up at the door, taking my dad away. Weeks, or sometimes months, would go by and he’d show up again, only to be taken away a few weeks later. My mom would cry when they’d take him away, but she never explained what was happening. Or if she did, I was too young to understand. To this day, I don’t know why the cops kept taking him. I don’t want to know, so I don’t ask.

“I want to see the end of the movie,” I say to Paris.

She pushes away from me and sits back on the couch. “What iswrongwith you? You were like this last night too.” She pouts and folds her arms over her chest.

“I’ve just been tired. I’m spending hours at the gym, hockey practice, trying to keep my grades up. I’ve got a lot of shit going on.”

“You also have a girlfriend who deserves better than this.” She rolls her eyes. “Seriously, Easton, any other guy would be all over me right now, and you’re just sitting there, not even touching me.”

She’s right. Something’s off with me. I’d normally be taking her in one of the guest rooms right now, or the bathroom. The bathroom has a huge walk-in shower. I’ve had sex in there more than once, and not just with Paris. Thinking about that should be turning me on, but it’s not. Something is definitely going on with me. Actually, it’s not something, it’s someone.

It’s Nova. From the moment I saw her, she’s taken over my thoughts. All the memories of us came flooding back. Memories of Nova and me playing in the back yard, me pushing her on the swing, us lying on the grass, looking up at the sky. There were nights when I’d sneak in her room, sensing she was sad or scared, and give her a hug. Sometimes I’d fall asleep next to her, then sneak out in the morning so Liz wouldn’t find out.

Some of the memories I didn’t even remember until I saw Nova the other night. They got more vivid when I saw her again today. She’s all grown up now, and yet I can still see the Nova I used to know. Her deep blue eyes were giving me that same cautious look they did when I first met her at the foster home. She knew I was scared so she gave me a hug, but she looked at me like she couldn’t trust me. To her, I was just another person who would hurt her or lie to her… or leave her. And I did. I left her. I still hate myself for that, but I can’t go back and change it.

“Easton!” Paris shoves my shoulder. “Are you even listening to me?”

“Sorry, I didn’t hear you. What did you say?”

She huffs. “Just forget it.” She stands up. “Take me home. Now!”

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