Page 17 of Searching for Nova

I start to text him, but then erase it. I probably shouldn’t just ignore his text, but what do I say? That it was good seeing him too? That’s lame.

“You can go out with him,” Mateo says. He jumps up from the bed. “Fuck yeah! I just killed two of them fuckers at once!” He sits back down. “Okay, just one more round and we can go.”

“What do you mean? Go out with who?”

“That guy you’re texting. The one you used to know.”

“I’m not going out with him. We’re not even friends anymore. I’m not even sure I’ll see him again.”

“Why not? If he’s rich, maybe he’d buy you shit.”

“I don’t date a guy so he’ll buy me shit,” I say, annoyed he’d even think that. “And he has a girlfriend. I don’t think she wants her boyfriend doing stuff with some other girl.” I turn to Mateo. “You really wouldn’t care if I went out with someone else?”

“No. Why would I care? We’re just friends.”

“Friends who have sex.”

“But we’re not dating. We can date whoever we want.”

An uneasiness comes over me as I realize I may not be the only girl in Mateo’s life. I’ve never seen him with another girl, but that doesn’t mean it’s not happening.

“Are you dating someone?” I ask.

He shrugs. “I’ve been out with some girls, but it didn’t go anywhere.”

“You mean while we’ve been together?”

“Don’t be starting this shit, Nova. We agreed you and I are just casual.”

“I know, but I thought you’d at least tell me when you’re seeing someone else.”

“I just did. So stop asking me about it.” He tosses the game controller on the bed and gets up. “I’m going downstairs.”

He doesn’t even wait for me. He’s already at the table when I get down there. His mom set up a folding chair for me next to Mateo.

“Help yourself.” Mrs. Sanchez hands me a plate as I sit down. She rarely sits when we’re having a meal. As soon as she does, one of her kids asks for something and she’s back up, getting them what they need.

“Mateo has a girlfriend,” Lucas says, giggling as he rocks back and forth in his chair. He’s six.

“She’s not my girlfriend,” Mateo says.

“You two going somewhere tonight?” Leo, Mateo’s dad, asks. He always sits at the end of the table and he’s always really serious. Mateo claims he’s strict, but I’m not sure if that’s true. Mateo seems to do whatever he wants.

“We’re just staying here,” Mateo says, shoving food in his mouth.

“Did you finish your homework?” Leo asks Mateo.

“Not all of it. I’ll do the rest tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow we go to church, then your grandmother’s house.”

“Yeah, I’ll get it done,” Mateo says, sounding annoyed.

His parents are always telling him to do his homework. I could see how that could be annoying, but sometimes I wish I had that. Someone who actually gave a shit if I went to school and did my homework. Ted doesn’t care. In fact, he’d be happy if I quit school and worked all the time so he could take what I make and buy more beer and cigarettes.

I’m not great at school, but I try. I haven’t given up, like some of my classmates have. I go to an alternative high school for ‘challenging’ teens. It’s a nicer word for troublemakers. I’ve been caught shoplifting a few times which got me the troublemaker label and landed me at the alternative high school. I don’t mind going there. It’s not that different from my other high school, and I actually like the teachers there better than my old school. They’re not as strict. They don’t yell at you if you’re late. They’re just happy you showed up, since a lot of the students there don’t.

As I look around the table at Mateo’s family, I feel my anger rising, mixed with jealousy. I shouldn’t feel this way, but it happens every time I’m here. They’re not a perfect family, but they’re still a family, which is something I don’t have. If Mateo gets in trouble, his parents don’t threaten to kick him out. They don’t even make him do chores. They love him no matter what. Why couldn’t I have a family like this? It’s not fair I got stuck with Ted.

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