Page 64 of Gilded Crown

“I already told you this. This is only just in case. If I have to do that, and it gets a grip on me to where I don’t want to destroy the items, you’ll have to stop me. John managed to end things before he was too far in its grip, and he got lucky. Eurig didn’t, and he hid the key in me because that fucking thing had grown stronger and told him to. Giving up the key or crown was unthinkable to him.”

“Maybe it’s the strength of the mind.”

“Either way, if I refuse to give them up, that means you need to do whatever is needed to stop me, no matter what I threatenor do to keep them. Even if I’m not insane yet, but I refuse to let go, you have my permission.”

Jari’s mouth fell open as he stared at Aurelius. “You expect me to kill you?”

“Only if you must.”

“Fuck you.”

Aurelius raised an eyebrow.

“Don’t pull your high and mighty shit on me,” snapped Jari. “Pull the fucking post out of your ass and listen to me. I will never raise my sword to-”

“Think for a minute. Should I be allowed to have kids and spread this curse like my Father?”

Jari glanced behind him to make sure everyone else was still far enough away. “No, but I’m not fucking killing you.”

“So you’ll let others suffer, including me?”

He wasn’t Eurig. Even if Jari’s feelings wouldn’t be reciprocated or lead to anything long-term, and he barely knew what to do with them, they still existed. He knew this version of Aurelius, not a worse version. How could he kill the Prince who had his faults but wasn’t entirely evil on his own? “I vowed to protect you, not kill you.”

“I’m ordering you to do this if needed. Don’t let me harm others and pass this down. It would be protecting me because I don’t want to turn into my Father.”

“What if I can’t kill you because you get the Palace back, and you have your guards toss me out-”

“I don’t expect the impossible from you. If it seems the option truly doesn’t exist, then go.”

It seemed like he was expecting the impossible. Jari wanted him to have a good life and to be cured entirely. Even if Jari left one day, and Aurelius found someone else in the future, that was fine as long as the Prince could have the things he couldn’t have before. He deserved so much, not a sword and an early death.

“It’s hard now because I seem normal, and I’m not like Eurig. Don’t worry so much.” Aurelius reached over and gripped his chin. The feel of his cool fingers made Jari’s heart race. “Chances are, I won’t need the crown to win, and you won’t have to put me down.”

Like a dog.

Aurelius released his chin, and Jari clung to those words. It probably wouldn’t happen. Everything would go the way they wanted, not in some horrible spiral that required Jari to strike down the man he wanted to hold and kiss.

“It’s just for in case,” said Aurelius.

Jari cleared his throat as he tried to shove certain emotions back into a box. “You always gotta think ahead, don’t you?”

“Yes, I do.”

That must have been a reason why he wouldn’t even try to do anything intimate. On top of other things, he was probably planning for his potential death and didn’t want to get involved with anyone. Just in case.

“I don’t want to turn into Eurig and cut out a child’s eye because it says to hide the key,” Aurelius said in a low voice. “If every possible thing goes wrong, and you can’t do what I ask, then you’re free to go. Get out of Nova, go far away, and live your life.”

Easy for him to say. Jari would be another person that failed him in that case. Impossible or not, it would sting deep down in whatever sane part was left of the Prince, and Jari wasn’t sure if he could forgive himself with such logic.

***

When they camped out that night, Aurelius disappeared. Once it grew later, and he hadn’t come around even though he was often ready for sleep at a decent time. Jari had thewild thought that the Prince had gone insane quite swiftly and wandered off.

That was rather ridiculous, but still enough to drive him out of their tent to look around. He asked a few soldiers who were also preparing to bed down for the night, but they hadn’t seen Aurelius. Este’s tent was dark, meaning she had gone to bed too, and Aurelius wouldn’t be in there now. A few tents for higher-ups were also dark.

He had to be around and was probably talking to someone. Unable to shake off the bad feeling, Jari kept looking.

All over, small fires burned, and some of the soldiers had crystal lanterns set on low. A few tiny tents had light coming from within. A good deal of carts were set to one side of the camp, and when he came around a boxcart with a railing on top, he noticed legs hanging down, and in the faint light, he recognized the stiff form sitting on top.

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