Page 57 of Gilded Crown

He didn’t know what he expected from Aurelius overall, and it was hard to think ahead to the distant future when shit loomed closer with every day. Some soldiers had already arrived to wait, and preparations were well underway. Couldn’t they have something for a short time?

Aurelius must want him too even though he tried to hide behind his icy shield. After so long of not trusting those around him, he likely didn’t know how to approach things. Jari wasn’t a whore in a house of pleasure to be paid and forgotten about by the next morning.

Beyond having Aurelius on his cock, he wanted the Prince to relax against him and have some real affection between them. It was something Jari needed too, and shouldn’t the Prince have something gentle and sweet? Couldn’t he have a little time without the cares of life weighing on him? Certain actions said he wanted it, but that wasn’t something easy to buy or connive to receive.

Not genuinely.

***

Dinner was icy, and Jari regretted more than ever that he’d crushed the rose instead of trying to speak his feelings. Darlim didn’t notice as they talked about preparations and the price of potatoes and chippy beans to keep the men fed. Jari kept his expression placid, not that the court paid much attention to him. He was just a guard, after all, and getting to eat at the High Table didn’t mean that much.

Aurelius told the King he was retiring when dessert came out, and Jari knew that was to get away from him. He stayed to eat his fruit and listened to a story from Darlim about the time a courtier’s dog stole Calytrix’s violin bow and tried to bury it in the back garden as if it were a bone.

As Jari suspected, the Prince was already tucked in his bedroom when he returned to their rooms. He changed into sleep pants, flopped on the couch, tried to read a book, and could barely concentrate. Darkness encroached on the lanterns, and he debated about jerking off, going to sleep, and pretending nothing happened tomorrow morning. Like always.

Or he could get off of his fucking ass and try to make a move without doing something utterly retarded.

He knocked on the Prince’s door. After a few seconds, he figured he’d be ignored, but it opened to reveal the Prince in his sleep clothes. In the barely-there light of a lantern on low in the bedroom, Jari couldn’t make out the gold streak in his eye.

“What?” Aurelius asked as if Jari were any old guard or servant coming to ask something simple. He’d taken off his eyepatch, and some of his hair covered the sewn eye. He usually preferred to keep it on at all times around others, even Jari who’d seen him cut it open once. If he hadn’t put it on before answering, was that some kind of trust or a sign he felt comfortable around Jari?

“I was thinking-” It already sounded stupid, but he plowed on. “If I could come in, we could sleep in bed.”

For fuck’s sake, that sounded dumb. Aurelius’s face showed nothing.

“Or you could come down and lay on the couch with me.” That was smaller, and it’d be damn near impossible to not touch. “If you just want to sleep, we can.”

Maybe they’d kiss a little, and Jari would keep his cock in his sleep pants. Hidden in the dark, it might be a little easier for Aurelius to accept some more innocent touches and not shove him away.

“Or we could see where it goes,” he finally forced out. “And if you want, you could go back up to your room and be alone.”

There, he’d said it and given Aurelius a way out in case having him in the bed or being close on the couch was too much and invasive.

“What if it goes where you want?” Aurelius asked as he remained rigid.

What was Jari supposed to say to that? They’d blow their loads and get to wallow in that boneless, limp feeling that came after a good fucking while Jari stroked his hair? If they did nothing like that, Jari would simply hold him, kiss those pink lips, and pray to feel the Prince completely relax against him and sleep.

Jari shrugged. “If we only sleep together, that’s fine too. I just want you…not money or gold.”

Aurelius’s eye slid to the hall and the stairs at the end. A little lantern light from the sitting room reached them, gesturing and promising warmth. Had anyone ever wanted him? Not the heir and what he could do with his position, money, or influence, but justhim?Aurelius, the man, not the Crown Prince.

He cupped one side of Jari’s face with such gentleness, something pinched in his chest. The Prince leaned forward and let his lips linger on Jari’s other cheek.

“You’re sweet, and I think you mean all of that. That’s why I have to say no.”

“But-”

“What I want isn’t something you should do.”

“I shouldn’t hold you or-”

“Jari, you couldn’t satisfy me, and I’m not going to ruin you by making you try.”

“Aurelius, I would do anything if you wanted it.” Jari realized he’d pretty much completely agreed to bottom if that’s what the Prince required, but he didn’t regret it at all. How would anything they did in private ruin either of them?

“I’m not the man you think,” Aurelius whispered against his cheek. “Even if we only sleep together now, you’ll expect more later, and what you expect won’t be what you get. And what I want, I won’t get either because you’re not like that. Go to sleep, okay? You don’t need to know more, and we’ll go on as before.”

His fingers tightened for a second like he wanted to take those words back, but he pulled away.

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