Page 10 of Gilded Crown

“-because he’s so messed up.”

Jari bared his teeth at the nasty face sneering at him, and the terribleness of life threatened to swallow him whole.

Zylem laughed. “Angry. Just like I thought. It figures since he’s like a big, dumb animal. Now we’ll let him loose like a wild dog in a bear-baiting.”

Jari wasn’t angry. He hated himself for what he’d done, and Aurelius would never forgive him. Not really. Words meant nothing when the marks would remain, and the memory had stained them both forever.

They dragged him down the hallway, and Zylem cut the ropes on his wrists before he pulled off the chain. “It’s Aurelius’s fault you’re here, and he hates you too. He’s said so more than once, and how you’re just a pawn to him. Go ask him. I bet he wouldn’t tell you to your face. Maybe you can punch it from him and make him tell the truth.”

Jari leaned against the door and fumbled for the doorknob. He was still too light, and any second now, his feet would leave the floor. He’d waft up to the ceiling where he’d be stuck and unable to say what he needed. He needed to apologize to Aurelius before it was too late.

Somehow, he got in, or Zylem shoved him. He wasn't sure. The door slammed, and Jari was sure he heard both brothers start laughing. He stumbled across the sitting room with one thought. Apologize. Beg for forgiveness. He made it to thebedroom door and managed to turn the knob even though everything was too clear and not right at the same time.

Aurelius’s faintly panicked voice said something. Jari caught a glimpse of him in the looking glass on the opposite wall before he burst into the privy room.

Aurelius was standing by his sunken tub without a stitch of clothing and not even his eye patch. The damp ends of his long hair were pulled forward, and he must have been rubbing the ends with the drying sheet in his hand. His small, pale pink nipples had puckered from the cool air, and a couple of droplets of water slid down the faint ridges of his abs and the V that his hips made.

The thought that Aurelius was utterly perfect in every way flashed in Jari’s mind before he remembered he was shit. That’s why the Prince had frozen.

“What the fuck are you doing?! Get out!”

Jari ran toward the Prince who dropped the drying sheet, jerked back, slipped on the tile, and fell to his ass. He definitely still had his cock.

“Get away-”

Jari practically threw himself on the perfect body that he’d hurt years ago even though he hadn’t wanted to.

“Get off of me!” screamed the Prince.

“I wouldn’t hurt you.” Tears blurred Jari’s eyes. “I swear I didn’t mean it, and I’m sorry. Please forgive me!”

Aurelius stiffened as Jari wrapped his arms around him. His skin was like ice against Jari’s hot hands. Why was he so hot? He’d wanted the Prince to ease against him, but he was like wood. Unyielding.

“I didn’t want to whip you either. I’m sorry. If I could go back-”

But he couldn’t. Aurelius would hate him forever for all of it, and Jari would float off, unforgiven and alone. He clutched the Prince and burst into sobs against his shoulder.

“Get off,” came the Prince’s high, thin voice.

“I can’t!”

What if he fell and hit the ground, only to shatter into a million pieces? Hands shoved him. He was losing Aurelius. After that, it was only the cold tiles against his face as he desperately tried to hold on to them, and he swore he heard his tears sizzle against the ice.

He was too light. Too light and unforgiven because he’d turned into the exact kind of man that Mother had told him not to be.

Someone rolled him over, and he caught a flash of blue. How had the Prince gotten dressed so fast?

“Drink,” Aurelius snapped.

He didn’t want more of the bitterness, but the cool edge of a bottle was forced to his lips. The liquid was sweet that time. The heaviness slammed back into him so fast, his last thought before the Prince’s blank face faded was that he’d be crushed flat and made into nothing because he wasn’t anything.

***

He woke up uncrushed on a bed. Or he thought it was a bed. He was also pretty sure someone had rammed cotton into his head. He opened his eyes to lantern light and immediately had to close them. Why did his mouth taste like shit? Where the fuck was he?

Yesterday must have been a dream, and he’d gone to the tavern. That was it. But alcohol never gave him nightmares. He squinted and recognized Aurelius’s room. Fuck. It hadn’t been a dream. He had thrown himself on the Prince while begging for forgiveness.

Shit, shit, shit. He shifted a little in bed and spotted the Crown Prince fully dressed, curled up on the corner of the bed, and as far away as possible from Jari. He’d tucked his arms against his chest like even in his sleep he still had to be wary.

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