Page 86 of Reaper Razed

“What does it matter where you were? He comes in here. This is my home, Ray, flaunting his new fucking boyfriend in my—”

WHACK! My head whips to the side from the punch to my face, and I stagger back. And when I whip my gaze back and shake my head to rid the blurring as she’s really rung my bell, she’s storming away around the back of the building toward the apartment.

I bend over, rest my hands on my knees, and breathe. As I shake my head again, the door swings open, and as I stand, I stagger again. Fuck, she punches like a Mac truck. Once I clear my vision, Steel is standing there, arms folded, pissed as fuck at me!

“Steel, don’t man. I can’t deal right now!”

“Seriously, you pull that shit? Firstly, that guy! That guy you flipped out about was the driver. He’s known Dane for years and just driven us back from Steven and JJ's funeral. He was offering his condolences! And you act like a fucking child, as if someone’s touched your train set. The same train set that you tossed aside and didn’t even want! I suggest you stay away from both of them for a while! Whatever you said to Ray, she actually came to see if you were okay! You’re a fucking idiot!”

“Steel… wait… I’m sorry, okay?”

It’s not me you need to apologise to, Dice!” He turns and stalks away after Ray. I drop to my ass where I am and then flop onto my back. Shit, I’ve right royally fucked up, and now everyone’s gonna hate me!

I don’t know how long I lay out there, but when the noise from the bars drifts to silence, the stars in the sky are brighter than ever, and as I lay there contemplating how seriously I’ve fucked it. I realise I can’t make this any worse, so I dust myself off and head to the apartment.

As I sneak up the stairs and through the door, Hades looks at me but goes back to sleep. I'm glad they always leave the door unlocked. I’m also glad at least the dog likes me right now, and I know there’s only Ray, Steel and Dane here, so I sneak through the living room and into Dane’s bedroom. He’s face down on the bed, laid diagonally across it. The sheet covers his ass and one leg, but the rest of him is bare. I start to strip out of my clothes as I stand there in my boxers. I’m trying to decide, naked or not?

Will he be more or less likely to kick me out if I am naked or not? Fuck, I’m overthinking this. I strip out of my boxers and slide onto the bed beside him. Fuck, he smells so good. I slide my hand across the bottom of his back so gently I can barely feel it myself. What the fuck am I doing? I don’t know why I can’t think straight when I’m around him, but I can't. It's like all reasonable thoughts go from my head, and I’m rendered insane!

I freeze. I can’t keep doing this. I gently move my hand and sit up to get off the bed when he turns his head over to face me. “What are you doing?” he rasps out in his sleepy voice.

“Nothing… I’m just… leaving!”

As I go to stand, his hand grasps around my wrist. “Why?”

“Why, what?” I stand there, aware that I’m naked and standing by the side of the guy I’ve just attacked, and then I proceed to break into his home, get naked, and climb into bed with him.

“Why, everything?” He rolls onto his side to face me, still holding my wrist. “Why don’t you want me?” He sounds so… quiet, so small, and I feel shame, I did that. I made him think I didn’t want him. I made him feel like shit; all he ever wanted to be was mine!

I scrub a hand down my face. “I'm sorry! I should go!”

He lets out a sigh and releases my wrist. “Don’t bother, don’t come back. I’ll move out next week!” He turns to face the other way and pulls the covers up over his shoulder, and it feels like he’s shutting the door, closing me off for good, and I can’t let that happen.

“Dane… please… I just… fuck!” I sit on the edge of the bed, but he doesn’t move. “Dane, please just talk to me. I'm going out of my mind. I don't know what the hell I'm doing?”

“Do you think any of us do?” He sighs again like this is the most pointless conversation ever.

“What do you want from me, Dane?”

“Nothing, Dice. You’ve made it clear you’re not interested in anything other than making my life miserable. So just do what you do best and walk away!”

“That’s not fair!”

“No, Dice! What’s not fair is you letting me wank you off, then deciding you don’t want me, then letting me give you a blow job, then deciding you don’t want me, then kissing me in front of everyone after trying to beat the shit out of me, to only decide you don’t want me!”

I rest my hand on his shoulder, and he snatches it back, so I place it on there firmer and turn him onto his back! “I’m sorry, I do want you! I just don’t know how to make that a reality.”

“Have you thought about trying not to be such a dick?”

“Fuck off.” I shake my head. “I should have seen that coming.”

“You’re off the hook!”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, you’re off the hook; just go. I won’t chase you any more. I’m heading back to my dad’s next week, then I’m heading out to finish uni. I’m transferring out of state. Like I say. Off. The. Hook! Can you close the doors quietly when you leave? I don't want Ray asking a shit ton of questions I don’t have the energy to answer.”

He goes to roll back on his side, but I throw myself on top of him and slam my lips onto his. His arms are wedged under the covers, so I cover him with my weight. I grip his face in my hands. “Don’t go!” I rasp out my voice raw from the emotions and my mind spinning from the thought of him leaving. “Please? Don’t leave?”

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