Page 80 of The Convict

“No. I should go back home. Well, not home. I got kicked out of Reverdale.” Jace puts the magazine down and stares at me. “I mean to St. Louis. I have some acquaintances there. And I have some cash still. I can make it.”

Jace stands up, walking around the coffee table. “Huck, are you sure?”

No, I think, but I nod. “Yes. It’s the only choice I have.”

I give him a quick, hard hug, then step around him so I can get packed. I don’t have much, as I left all my things at the clubhouse. Stupidly, I thought I would be buying new things in Cuba when I was with Rax.

Stupid fucking idea.

Even though I want to toss my things haphazardly in my bag, I pack them neatly, wiping away the few tears that drip down my face. God, these tears need to stop. It’s pointless. Rax made his decision, so now I have to make mine.

It sucked, being iced out by him. But I get it. I don’t think I know what I could have done to not have hurt him. What we did was the only way. Zeke, Prez, and I looked at it from all angles, trying to figure out what else we could do. What we did was the only way Rax would stay put.

What sucks the most is seeing him forgive everyone else. I get it, since they’re his brothers and he doesn’t love them like he loves—loved—me, but—

I laugh through my tears. He doesn’t love me anymore. He can’t. Not after what I did.

And if I’m honest, I’m glad he forgave them. He’ll need people, even when he gets to a new country. He’ll still need Prez and Zeke and Pete and the rest of his brothers. He doesn’t need me. Not like I need him.

Finishing with my folding, I stuff my things in my bag and pull the strap over my shoulder. Walking down the stairs dejectedly, I’m almost to the door when I hear an angry voice from the direction of the living room.

“Running away?”

Sighing, I turn around slowly to look at Rax, his face a blank mask. “No. I’m just going to St. Louis, like you said. I figured it would make you happier to not have me here.”

He stares at me for a long moment, then purses his lips. “Let’s talk.” He turns on his heels, heading in the direction of the living room. With nothing else to do, I follow.

Jace is sitting on the couch, staring at his phone. “Prez says we’re almost ready to get you out of here. Someone he knows said they’ll call the search off soon. You’ll be a free man in a matter of days.”

“Heard that before,” Rax grunts.

Shrugging, Jace stands. “Yeah, well, we took care of that snitch for you. Your man even made sure he was put down permanently.” Jace pats me on the back as he leaves the room.

Rax turns to me with an incredulous look. “What did you do?”

I set my bag down by my feet and sit on the couch. Rax sits at the other end, facing me. “Nothing of importance,” I mutter, but my mind goes back to how Sam’s body jerked when I shot him. I don’t think I’ll ever forget that.

“Don’t lie to me.” Rax’s voice takes on that growling quality I love and I pull my lips in, trying to hold back the tears.

Sighing, I say, “Sam had to run the gauntlet. I asked to finish him when he got to the end. Prez let me.”

“For me?”

I look up at him, unsure why he’s asking. “Of course, for you. And for me. For what he took from us. He took our last day together.”

He doesn’t say anything to that, just looks at me like he’s never seen me before.

Rax sighs. “Listen—”

“I’m really sorry, Rax,” I whisper. “I didn’t mean to hurt you. I thought I was helping.”

“You did.” I lift my head quickly, my face a mask of confusion. “I know, I haven’t been the best at listening. I’m hardheaded and I know that.” He slides a little closer to me. “You broke me.”

Sniffing, I wrap my arms around myself. “I know, Rax. I’m so fucking sorry. If there’s any way you can forgive me, I’ll do anything.”

“You’re the only person I’ve been in love with and I thought you betrayed me.” He slides a bit closer to me. “But you didn’t, did you?”

“Only to the courts. But I would never. I know how much loyalty means to you. I wanted to get you out. We thought—”

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