Page 93 of A Game Of Choice

Things with him are so messed up, so damn confusing, I don’t know where we go from here.

I told him I was done and I am. I’m not waiting around for the day he decides to act on his feelings for me.

But it doesn’t mean my feelings for him just went away. When I think about it, I don’t think they ever truly will. The love I have for him is one that’s woven into my soul, dooming me for any other man.

That doesn’t mean I won’t find someone who will love me. Who doesn’t care about what people think or how society tells us we should be.

Do I believe the reason he won’t be with me is because he sees me as his sister? No. I think that's utter bullshit, even if that is the excuse he gave me. There’s something more, something deeper.

I want to find out what that is, but not at the cost of my heart.

So, I’m at a standstill. And now Toby is no longer the only man who makes me feel something. What do I do about Bishop?

Is there even anything there on his part, or am I looking too hard into things?

We shared a moment more than once tonight. I swear he was going to kiss me back in the library, and when he didn’t, I was disappointed.

Now, not only am I in love with Toby, but I’m almost positive I’m crushing on his best friend. My best friend.

“Why couldn’t you just have loved a normal boy? One who wasn’t your stepbrother or best friend,” I mutter to myself, avoiding the mirror because I do not want to know what state my hair is in, and turn the shower on.

I can tell myself to get over him until the cows come home, but it still doesn’t change the fact my heart does this weird little dance and my belly flutters like crazy when I see him. Because even though things have changed over the past few years, we have history and sometimes that never goes away.

Grabbing whatever body wash and shampoo that’s in here, I scrub myself down and curse myself because now I smell like Toby. It’s like the universe hates me right now.

Once I’m clean, I get out and wrap the towel around me. “Shit,” I groan. I don’t have anything to change into.

Biting my lower lip, I make sure the towel is tight around me and crack open the door, checking to see if Toby stayed.

I let out a sigh of relief when I see he didn’t and step out. “He did say this was his room,” I murmur to myself, looking at his bed and then over to Bishop’s. I wonder if they have any clothes they left behind.

I go over to Bishop’s side first, and search through the dresser, only managing to find a pair of black SVU sweats. I grab those and go over to Toby’s side. He has more. A few pairs of socks, boxers, shirts, and sweats.

So, I grab a plain black T-shirt and quickly change. My skin prickles as I shiver, still cold from the fresh shower.

I could grab the blanket off the bed and wrap myself up in it but it’s too chunky. I go over to the closet on Bishop's side, but there are only metal hangers in there. I know I’m wearing Toby’s clothes as a last resort, but I don’t want him to think more about it if he sees me in them.

But when I go to his closet, of course, there are a few hoodies hanging. “Damn it,” I grumble, grabbing the forest green hoodie.

Sliding it on, I close my eyes and inhale like a weirdo. It smells like him and I hate that he smells so good.

Going back into the bathroom, I do my best to fix my hair so it doesn’t look like I haven’t brushed it in a year before heading back down to find Bishop.

“Where is everyone?” I ask myself when I step into an empty living room. I check the kitchen next and hear laughing coming from the backyard.

“Hey, there she is,” Bishop cheers when I step out. He walks over to me and grins. “In a better mood?”

“No thanks to your nasty little friend,” I grumble, pouting as I cross my arms.

“But he’s so cute. You can’t stay mad at him forever. I mean, look at him.” All the guys are playing with the goat, running around and laughing like a bunch of kids. It’s cute.

“Where did you find the clothes?”

I look back over to him. “Your’s and Toby’s room. Didn’t know you had one here.”

As I say Toby’s name, I feel his eyes on me. We lock gazes, and I see heat in his as he looks me over in his hoodie.

A sick satisfaction fills me.

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