Page 49 of Watching Ames

My breath caught in my throat. For some reason, this admission caught me more off guard than anything else. Maybe because buying a house could have been for him, and stalking me could’ve been some kink he had toward any woman who caught his attention. But the idea of Alex - before he had any indication that I would be moving in with him, sharing his space, staying in his life - was creating a space just for me. Seeking out June’s advice for what I’d need, making sure I had the best of everything, roping his friends and eventually my sister into helping with the space, it finally hit me like a blow to the chest how committed Alex was to this, to us.

“I would’ve shown it to you the day I surprised you with the keys, only kilns are a bitch to ship. We only just finished installing everything yesterday. I planned on telling you after dinner last night, but you decided to try and leave me, so this is the first chance I’ve had.” He sent me an exasperated look at his reference to my attempts to leave yesterday, and I smiled at the reminder of everything that followed.

“I’m glad I didn’t leave,” I told him as we walked back toward the house, tilting my face up so I could meet his eyes in the dim moonlight. “If I had left, I wouldn’t have had all this.” I gestured back toward my new studio, toward my sister, our friends, toward him.

Alex stopped, pulling me around to face him as everyone else made their way back into the house. “I don’t think you understand, Ames. Even if you had left, you would have had all this. Because I would’ve tracked you down and made you mine, whether it took weeks or months or years.” He pulled me up to my toes, pressing a kiss to my lips with searing intensity, kissing me harder until I opened my mouth to let his tongue inside. He kissed me like a man starving, like a man imagining what might’ve happened if I had truly left yesterday, and I took it all, showing him just how committed I was to stay.

* * *

Alexand I lounged in bed later that night, after everyone had left, stuffed full of food and marshmallows from another late night around the fire pit. I could still smell the faint traces of smoke on our skin as we cuddled, the smell making me think of how fall was coming up in just a few months. I imagined the group of us doing the things Bex and I used to do alone - apple picking, carving pumpkins, watching Halloween movies - and smiled at how easily Alex, Dev, and Wren would fit into those traditions.

Alex’s voice broke into my imagination a moment later, his fingers flexing where they rested on my hip. “What were you and Wren laughing about so intensely earlier? I forgot to ask, I was so focused on showing you all your stuff.” He smiled at the memory, and I reached out and traced the shape with the tips of my fingers, loving how the action curved his lips higher in amusement.

“I was just telling her about how you’ve been so affectionate today, touching and kissing me. She didn’t believe me when I told her, and said you wouldn’t be into PDA, so she laughed when you touched me so much when I got home.”

Alex’s lips turned into a frown, ruining the half-smile I was still tracing with my fingers. “If it makes you uncomfortable, I can touch you less. You just have to tell me.”

“No!” The force of my words sent a flush crawling up my cheeks, as I repeated more calmly, “No. I…I like your affection. I don’t want you to stop.”

At the admission, Alex’s almost-smile returned with a wicked edge as he rolled on top of me, pressing kisses across my face with loud smacks that had me laughing. Though the laughs quickly turned into moans as they ventured south, both of us expressing our newfound affection in less publicly acceptable ways.

* * *

The sun setas I drove back across town, late night inventory at the studio having taken longer than I expected. I texted Alex when I reached a red light, letting him know I was on my way, smiling at the domesticity of the task.

Over the past few weeks, Alex and I had settled further into our routine. We spent most mornings together, unless I had an early class or Alex had an unexpected meeting, and then would separate depending on who had work. I still worked part-time at June’s studio and spent the rest of my working hours in my studio. I was currently working my way through another pottery collection that would drop in a few weeks and right after, I would begin work on a slew of dishes for Maya’s upcoming restaurant opening.

Most days, Alex met me at my studio when he got home from work, tie loosened around his neck and the top buttons of his shirt undone, watching me from the doorway until I noticed his presence. It usually didn’t take long; just the force of his stare was enough to send shivers down my spine, the intensity of his eyes something that hadn’t dimmed in our weeks together.

Sometimes, Alex would join me, still in his work clothes, pulling a bowl or vase as I called out tips, always in teaching mode. We were slowly filling up our kitchen cabinets with the homemade dishes we churned out during our mini-lessons, the quality time together a way to reminisce on how we started.

Other times I would get pulled from the studio by familiar voices echoing across the yard: Dev and Alex having just finished a workout in the basement, Wren stopping by to steal some vegetables from the now-flourishing garden, Bex popping in to go for a hike around the acreage surrounding the house. We still had family dinners multiple times a week, usually unplanned. Wren would stop by, and then Dev, and then someone would call Bex to round out the group. She still only came occasionally when called, despite everyone’s attempts to pull her into the circle, but I tried not to push, knowing that doing so would only guarantee further distance from her.

Bex was still undecided about the job, something that caused concern to gnaw at my gut, partially because the more time I spent around her, the more I worried. Bex had always been passionate and impulsive, which helped balance out my responsible, older-sister tendencies as we grew up. When our parents died, we only had each other, meaning we had to rely on one another when we felt vulnerable. We’d maintained that dynamic as we got older, Bex coming to me for help when she needed a place to stay, or when she got arrested and wasn’t sure what to do. In my eyes, Bex hadn’t changed since she was a teenager, save for the slight unhappiness I’d caught in her eyes over the past year, since the trial.

But the more I saw her interact with everyone else, the more I saw the cracks in her façade. She seemed angry, an off-kilter look in her eyes when she hung out with the rest of us. I noticed her impassive face more than ever, barely smiling even when she joked around with the guys. She frowned more, mostly around Wren, a pattern I found concerning, especially since I couldn’t find a reason for it.

I also worried because I had never known any reputable company to give a potential employee more than three weeks to decide if they wanted a job.

My buzzing phone pulled me out of my thoughts, Alex’s response to my text pulling my lips wide into a grin:I have a surprise for you.

Alex had continued his tradition of surprising me, though it was never as over-the-top as buying me a house or building me an at-home studio. They were more personal, more reflective of our newfound relationship, and it only made me cherish them more. He had surprised me with a few bouquets, often hand-delivered by Wren on random nights when she and Dev would stop by for dinner. He was still working through his silver stationary collection, the gifts always accompanied with a card written in his familiar scrawl:

You look beautiful.

Always thinking of you.

Want you tonight.

The last one had been his most recent message to me, attached innocuously to a box of pastries he had gotten delivered to me at work one morning, when an early meeting forced us to cancel our breakfast plans. The note had me thinking of what Alex was planning all day. I imagined him wanting me, thinking of me, which in turn had me tingling, a cycle of arousal that meant I was dripping by the time he got home. He hadn’t acknowledged the note all night, inviting Dev, Wren, and Bex over for dinner despite the trembling in my body every time he touched me.

And he made sure to touch me often, his possessive displays of affection not waning even around his friends. It felt like he was purposefully driving me crazy that night, his finger teasing at the edges of my clothes, running along the underside of my breast as he hugged me from behind. I ended up kicking everyone out after a few hours, Dev and Wren simultaneously boo-ing and wolf-whistling while they left. Even Bex had shot me a knowing look with raised eyebrows that almost had me blushing in embarrassment, but I was too needy for that.

Alex’s mouth was greedily biting at mine before our friends were gone, the small fire we had lit still burning behind us. The fire flickered across the space, casting shadows as sweat and ash clung to our rapidly bared skin. Alex ended up fucking me bent over the patio furniture, making me beg for it the way he’d grown to like.

“Next time, I’ll hunt you down before I fuck you like this,” he had whispered in my ear as he slammed into me harder, pulling a scream from my lips that echoed across the yard.

I was still reminiscing on that promise when I pulled into our driveway, surprised to find the house illuminated by more than just the front porch light. The garage door was wide open, light spilling out into the driveway and backlighting the familiar shape of Alex’s body, his shadow stretching long and ominously toward my car. Something about the scene sent skitters of fear down my spine, just the slightest touch that served to arouse me more than actually conjure up any panic. Even Alex’s stance was predatory, his feet spread, one foot in front of the other, as if ready to chase me down.

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