Page 19 of Watching Ames

Even though he was late and he looked scary right now, I could only barely contain the sob building in my chest at the fact that he washere. I stood up in a rush, rounding the bench to throw my arms around his waist, pulling him closer without caring how desperate or lonely it made me seem.

“You came” I whispered, the sound muffled by his chest and the rain pouring around us, and I wondered if he could even hear me.

But his response came anyway, a firm, “Of course,” as if there was never any doubt, squeezing me tighter before pulling me to his side rather than plastered to his front. Alex kept one arm around my shoulder while the other continued to hold the umbrella above my head. He led me to a sleek black car idling against the curb half a block away, opening the passenger door and ushering me inside. He leaned in after me, his arm and shoulders brushing against my chest as he adjusted the heat and aimed it on my arms despite the fact that we were almost heading into July.

Goosebumps broke out along my arms, which I blamed on the droplets of rain drying on my skin and soaking my clothes rather than the immense presence inches from my body. Finally adjusting everything to his satisfaction, Alex started to lean back out of the car, nose almost grazing my collarbone as he tried to straighten up.

He stopped for a moment, a small sound that sounded suspiciously like a sniff leaving him, but then he straightened to stand beside me, a true smile twitching at his lips. I was too mentally exhausted to dissect that interaction and instead just accepted the possibility that I smelled like BO and regret. But I still cataloged his smile, taking each one as the gift it was and committing it to memory.

“Stay put,” he told me, his tone verging on the edge of a command, as if I’d try to leave this warm car. To do what? Go back to my empty apartment? Hang out with the rest of my nonexistent friends?

So instead I complied, not even pretending like I would be paying for my own coffee if we went in together. Alex must have had some type of account or monthly subscription here because my coffee was always “taken care of” when I picked it up, ever since our last conversation on the bench. It reminded me again of those mafia books, and I smiled to myself as I held my hands out, warming my fingers against the air pushing out of the heating vents.

I was just starting to dry off and warm up when Alex rounded the front of the car, snapping his umbrella shut in one smooth motion as he balanced two coffees in the other. After throwing the umbrella into the trunk, he sat in the driver’s seat, shaking the rain off his hair in a casual move that made my heart freeze against my better judgment.

He handed me one of the coffees, the sweet scent already filling the car, and I took a sip, finally relaxing into the seats at the comforting taste. After a few more sips, I was finally rejuvenated enough to glance over at Alex, who turned in his seat, one knee against the steering wheel as he faced me, that angry look still on his face.

“Why do you look mad at me?”

His answer was a vague gesture that started in the general direction of the bench and ended at my drowned-rat appearance.

“I just didn’t want to go in alone.” The words broke the floodgates, and I was sobbing, Alex’s angry eyes fading into soft, sympathetic ones as he yanked me over the gearshift and into his lap so I could cry into his chest more easily. I curled up in his lap, not caring about ruining his suit or if I smelled weird. Not considering the consequences or whether it was proper or smart after learning he was my admirer, just appreciating the comfort that only Alex had provided in recent memory.

He let me cry for what felt like hours but I knew was closer to a handful of minutes, rubbing circles in my back and moving the driver’s seat as far back as it would go to allow me more space to curl up more fully on his thighs.

“What happened?” His words were quiet, whispered once my sobs ebbed into the occasional sniffle.

“Bex and I got into a fight,” I told him, wiping my nose on the tissue he offered from his center console. “She found out I was moving in with Peter and essentially told me I’m making a mistake and ruining my life. Then she left, and now she won’t pick up my calls. She just left, like it was nothing.” My voice trembled at the end, tears threatening at the backs of my eyes until Alex pulled me further into his chest, his deep breaths triggering my own.

He didn’t ask me if I agreed with her, almost as if he knew I was afraid of the answer. “What are you going to do?”

“I don’t know,” I admitted, “We’ve never gotten in a fight like this before. Where she won’t answer my calls or texts. One minute we were celebrating finishing myMorelorder and preparing to go to the launch later this week and the next she’s packing her bags. She was supposed to be living with me and I don’t even know where she’s staying right now, since she and her girlfriend broke up.”

He didn’t offer any platitudes, no false promises that everything would be okay or that I’d figure it out, just pulling me closer until I started to move off his lap.

“Where are you going?” He asked, reluctantly releasing his grip as I finally leaned up out of his embrace, shaking off the tears.

“I have work at nine,” I told him, crawling back over to the passenger seat and grabbing my still-damp bag. I pulled it into my lap, digging through it as I thanked my past self for thinking ahead enough to have packed extra mascara and concealer to cover up the red-rimmed eyes I was sporting. I applied both in quick strokes, using Alex’s passenger mirror to check out the damage. After shoving everything back into my bag, I turned to Alex, asking, “Do I look okay?”

Already looking at me, he responded with a simple, “You always look beautiful,” that hit me harder than it should.

“Wait,” his words stopped me with my hand on his door handle, “I’ll drive you to work.”

“But my car,” I trailed off as Alex started the car, my finger pointing helplessly out the window toward where my car was parked near the bench Alex had found me on.

He shook his head without worry, assuring me, “I’ll take care of it. I don’t want you driving so upset.” Despite starting the car, he still hadn’t driven off, as if giving me the option to run as he asked in a low voice, “Please let me drive you.”

“Okay,” I nodded, fishing my keys out of my purse and dropping them between us. I was exhausted after all the crying, and it was nice to sit back as Alex drove us through the city, his car a quiet purr underneath us.

“I like your car,” I murmured, yawning wide as I settled further into the passenger’s seat.

“Yeah?” Alex asked, and even though my eyes were facing away from him, I could hear the almost-smile in his voice.

“Mhm,” I assured him half-heartedly as my eyes grew heavy, “This is the kind of car I want. Mine’s so old but ‘s too much money.” My words jumbled at the end, the buildings beginning to blur together as my eyes closed.

I woke up with a gentle hand on my shoulder, Alex’s voice filtering through the sleepy fog until I opened my eyes.

“Sorry to wake you,” he apologized, pointing to the clock on the dashboard in explanation. “But you have work.” I blinked again as the numbers came into focus, finally reading 8:55. I realized Alex must have been sitting here for at least ten minutes, allowing me as much rest as possible before waking me up.

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