Page 43 of Fool's Desire

"Joel…" he began tentatively, but Desi stopped him, leaning up on her elbow and placing her finger over his lips.

She shook her head. "Don't," she whispered. "It's okay. I understand."

"Then you understand more than I do!" Jake huffed. "He had a responsibility as a Dom…"

"It's pretty simple." Desi sighed. "Joel doesn't want me. Or maybe, before yesterday, it was more true to say he didn't want to want me. So, he made me into something he no longer craves. He's undone the submissive traits that he found attractive, so that he can walk away."

Jake's face paled, his eyes widened and he looked absolutely horrified.

"Oh my God!" he sputtered in disbelief. "I didn't realise…I never would have…I thought…"

Desi looked down into Jake's beautiful face and smiled, reaching out to cup his cheek, wishing, not for the first time, that it had been this cousin she'd fallen in love with. Jake was such a caring, special man. She couldn't believe the women who had wandered through his life hadn't see him for who he was and snapped him up. Of course, if they were that short sighted, they didn't deserve him, she thought protectively.

"It's okay," she hushed him. "It's better this way…really! He's set me free."

She settled her head back onto his chest. "You know me well enough to understand that a life as Joel's submissive would never be enough for me. And we both know that's all a relationship with Joel would ever amount to. I don't want to be someone's responsibility, Jake. I want more than that for myself. So, believe me, he's done me a favour. I've finally let him go, and now, I can move forward."

Jake brought his other arm around her back and pulled her to him, hugging her tight and she relaxed in his grasp. God, it was nice to just be held. She closed her eyes and luxuriated in the comforting sensation. This was the sort of thing she would never get out of a relationship with Joel.

"I don't want to be on my own any more, Jake. I want children, a family. I want to grow old with someone who will just want to cuddle me when my boobs sag and my hair turns white and I'm too old to be tied up and flogged. Whatever I feel for Joel, I'm a realist and I've finally realised that I want to live my life the way I should have done all along. I've thrown away too much of it already, hiding myself away and forcing back my own character, trying to mould myself into something I'm not. I don't want to live like that any longer. I'm not going to waste any more time and I need to start living for myself. It's my time now," she finished softly.

"Bravo!" Jake whispered against her hair.

Chapter Twenty-Three

The next couple of days at work were hectic and Desi felt mildly guilty that she hadn't been giving things her full attention.

As excellent as she was at her job, Luanna still needed a little guidance which Desi felt she had neglected, and Laurel was out of sorts, unusually moody and uncharacteristically unforthcoming with her problems. Usually, Laurel chewed her ear off about anything and everything and Desi couldn't shut her up, even when she felt the depth and intimacy of their conversations were inappropriate for the level of their friendship. So, it seemed odd that now that Desi herself was so much more approachable, Laurel seemed to have retreated. Not that she'd had time to discover the reasons yet.

Charlotte had left numerous messages on her answering machine, demanding to know what was going on and all Desi had managed in return was a pathetic text message to her best friend's phone, telling her that everything was great and she'd contact her soon. Well, that was the truth. The things she had to confide in Charlotte weren't the kinds of things you could cover in a brief phone call…or even a long one! Those would have to wait for a proper girls' night and that was something she was looking forward to enjoying very soon. Maybe Laurel and Luanna would like to join them, but that was probably best left until she'd updated Charlotte on this new direction of her life.

Neither Joel nor Connor had been around since their scene on Wednesday evening, but Jake and Logan both showed up from time to time and Desi knew that Logan was consulting on the legal ramifications of a takeover by the Blackwood Corporation, something she had been avoiding thinking too deeply about, given her relationship with both the Blackwood cousins.

Desi had embraced her new self with gusto. She wasn't the same impulsive, whimsical girl she was at nineteen, but neither was she the distant, conservative business woman she had allowed herself to become. She firmly believed there was a happy medium and welcomed the challenge of finding that comfortable middle ground.

She had softened her harsh hairstyle but kept her business suits and heels, since she was still a professional with a reputation to uphold and she needed to be taken seriously. Besides, she actually rather liked most of them, although she'd promised herself that she'd go out and buy some new, jewel toned silk shirts to team them with them to give herself a little bit of pizazz.

She adopted a friendlier approach with her colleagues and co-workers. Nothing truly overt, just a smile and a hello and the odd conversation about the weather while waiting for the elevator, but it surprised her how much more comfortable such a little thing made her feel when she walked through the building.

So, when Jake approached her on Friday afternoon and asked her if she would accompany him to one of the annual business foundation charity balls the following week, she accepted without hesitation. It was the kind of function she used to attend on behalf of Universal Holdings before the debacle with James and she had secretly enjoyed the excuse to dress up and go dancing, even if it had been in her own reserved manner. It had fed that inhibited part of her soul that longed to rebel against the staid and boring woman she'd become.

And when Jake had revealed that Joseph Blackwood would also be present, Desi knew this would also provide her with a unique opportunity to get a personal insight into the man who held the future of her company in the balance.

The week flew by, and Desi felt more comfortable with her life than she had for the past eleven years. If there was the odd yearning ache for Joel, then she didn't let it show. She didn't so much as acknowledge it. She was done holding on to the past; it was destructive and damaging and so very pointless when there was so much of the future to look forward to. During their brief phone call, when she had finally found a minute to schedule some girl time, Charlotte had offered the biggest compliment Desi could imagine when she'd said that Desi sounded just like her old self.

Just that thought made Desi smile as, with a spring in her step, she shopped for a new dress for the charity ball. She was looking for something spectacular. Something that would announce her 'new me' persona to the world…well, the business world, anyway.

She had even gone so far as to book beauty and hair appointments for the afternoon of the function, and she felt like a little kid at Christmas as she looked forward to it all with an unrestrained eagerness.

She found the perfect dress. It was full length in an antique gold colour that looked fantastic with her skin tone and highlighted the colour of her hair. It was sleeveless with a conservative round neckline, but the back was virtually non-existent, falling to a drape just above the dimples at the base of her spine, and the crystal beaded bodice with its built-in bra hugged her curves, showing her hourglass figure to its best advantage before falling away at the hip into a fluid, A-line skirt with layers of supple organza underneath.

She teamed it with a pair of plain gold shoes and decided to forego any jewellery, since the dress was ornate enough on its own and she didn't want to overdo it.

The following day, the stylist she had booked worked wonders on her hair. All these years, Desi had only managed two looks with her unruly mop. Either a mass of corkscrew curls, which she actually rather liked, but which bordered on unmanageable and was certainly unprofessional, or the ruthless taming into a tight twist that was undeniably harsh but kept it under control and was far more suitable for her job.

As she gazed at her reflection in the salon mirror, Desi barely recognised herself. Her makeup was flawless, defining her best features but still managing to look natural, and her hair fell in sleek waves to the top of her breasts, looking longer now that it had been teased and sculpted into a proper style.

When she dressed later and was waiting for Jake to pick her up, Desi couldn't help doing a little happy dance across her living room. She felt amazing and couldn't wait for the evening ahead.

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