Page 74 of Not in the Plan

She let out a heavy sigh. “You know, people that don’t have trust issues based on a childhood trauma from borderline neglect. Like, people who used to eat Cheerios for breakfast and go school shopping with their parents?”

“Well, count me out, then.” He nudged her with his shoulder. Several sips passed before he spoke. “I don’t think you always trust your emotions, and that trips you up. After Jess, you questioned everything about yourself.”

“I know my issues caused things to go bad with Jess and me.”

“Yourissues did not cause issues with you and Jess. Jess wanting something totally different than you caused issues with you and Jess. Jess doing what she did caused issues.”

“I don’t want to talk about that,” she snapped. “We were separated.”

Silence filled the air as she pictured herself sobbing into a towel in the bathroom, shaking from lack of food, dehydrated from the tears. She couldn’t do it again. The breakup had ruined her for so long. Her broken-self shell finally fell off a year ago, and she’d cling to her newly found love and independence with everything she had.

Charlie cared about Mack a lot. But prevention was key. Maybe she should tell Mack they couldn’t sleep together again, but she genuinely wanted Mack in her life. Charlie could say that her hesitation had nothing to do with Mack and everything to do with herself.

Or maybe she could have some fun. With an incredible woman who made her laugh, supported her, and kissed her like the promise of tomorrow didn’t exist.

“Ah… there’s that smile.” Ben tossed his empty container in the trash. “Give me something good.”

“God, you don’t stop!” She grinned. “I feel okay about things. I think. I wish she were here right now if that indicates where my thoughts are.”

“Okay is good. Bored, not good. Shame, not good. Wanting her to stay and sad she left, we can work with.” He tossed a towel at her and handed over the sanitizing spray. “But where do you see this going? Is she planning on moving here?”

“Jesus, Ben. We’ve been on one date. I don’t know. Probably not.”

Her stomach dipped, and she aggressively wiped tables while shaking off the pending doom sensation.

“So this is a fling?”

Hope not.Damn Ben and all his questions. For the last twenty-four hours, Charlie tried hard not to dwell on what would happen if she continued falling for Mack while she lived in New York. Because really, how would that look? She’d pass through town every few months? FaceTime in the evening? Try to be cute and hip and send postcards with funny pictures? Ugh. She was doing it. Sex messed with her brain waves and had her acting like a fool. Tonight, she needed to do some serious meditation.

Ben tossed his hand in the air. “Chucky?”

“Can you just let me enjoy something for once?”

“You’re right, you’re right.” He grabbed the spray from her and hung it back on the hook. “I’m happy for you.”

TWENTY-FOUR

MACK’S DRINK SPECIAL: INSPIRATION ITALIAN ROAST

Mack yawned and stirred after crashing hard the moment she returned from Charlie’s to her parents’ condo. She flung her hands above her head and stared at the ceiling, her thoughts the same now as they were this morning.

Charlie.

No way was this warm, gluey snugness in her chest normal. Maybe not even healthy. But she didn’t care. Everything in her was awakened. Thoughts she had never experienced before. Feelings. This pressure on her heart was both welcome and scary as hell.

Mack was a disaster. She knew it. Her parents knew it. And yet, the universe presented her a candy-pink-lips-and-red-hair-wrapped gift. She was the luckiest human alive. Now was the time to show her gratitude and make everything right. She cracked her back, stuffed pillows up to her neck, and reached for her laptop.

The night creeps upon us, but the menacing shadows are inviting. Stars and moonlight cast just enough light where I can see the glint in her eye, the outline of my reflection in her irises.

Her lips burrow into mine. Soft. Gentle. Almost like a butterfly wing, where you don’t fully realize it touched you, but your skin lingers with the sensation. She pulls back and searches my eyes, my soul, looking for confirmation that I feel the same.

I can see it in her, and I’m not imagining anything. The realization, the complexity of what happened, and the consequence of what will happen if we go any further, hit us both.

I inch closer. Gentleness fades. Hunger takes over.

Inspired and motivated, Mack’s fingers zoomed like lightning. Lost in her world, she created magic on the page. The words escaped so quickly that her fingers had difficulty keeping up. She adjusted her stiffened body and re-shoved the pillow behind her head.

Images interrupt my sleep, but for once, they’re welcome. Nightmares of tsunamis and immobile legs, gone. Replaced by calm, crystal water, sand funneling between toes and a faint hum of a breeze off the coast. A voice whispers in my ear. Dream and reality collide. Warm skin touches me. Serenity consumes me. After all this time, it’s staring at me. Without a doubt, without hesitation, I know exactly what needs to happen.

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