Page 36 of Not in the Plan

“Have you lived alone most of your life?” Mack’s eyes, a dark, deep, brown haven she wanted to drown in, burrowed into her.

Charlie released a heavy breath. “No. When I was seventeen, I moved in with my now ex-wife.”

Mack froze. “You were married?”

Charlie nodded.

A long pause passed as Mack flicked the thread from her finger. “Can I ask what happened?”

The wind eased up and her stomach slowly uncoiled, but her throat turned sticky. She wanted to reach for her tea but didn’t want to disrupt the moment. The heat of Mack’s body nearly matched the crackling fire behind them. Mack was too close. Charlie needed air that didn’t smell like blackberries and salt and comfort.

But it felt so damn good.

“We just wanted two different things. In the beginning, we both loved to travel. Lived in the worst places to save money. For two years we rented a bedroom in a musty, old basement of a South Seattle house with robin-egg blue lead-filled paint chipping off the walls. It literally smelled like cat pee and botulism.” She grin-groaned. “I thought we’d do this nomad lifestyle for like ayear and then settle down. And I should’ve addressed it, but I was scared to talk to her about it. Scared that she’d leave me.”

Mack looked at her so intently that Charlie was sure she was evaluating the colors in her irises. But Mack remained silent, her mouth parted like she didn’t know what to say.

“Jess wanted to move to Europe, live in hostels, and see the world. I need, I guess, stability. Foundation. Roots. Without it, I feel… empty.” Heat filled her chest, but she continued. “But it was unfair. I took everything I lacked in my childhood and placed that burden onto Jess. She’s a good woman, you know? But she was a bird who couldn’t be caged. She wanted to go to the Himalayas. Eat street food in Thailand. Have coffee in Italy. And I… wanted a family.”

Was Charlie in a dream? Had she accidentally drunk truth serum tea? Shielded with the sky’s darkness and flickering fireplace, her insides begged her to release. She never talked like this. Customers didn’t want to hear about broken marriages. Ben offered some emotional support, sure, but he lost a friend when Jess left, and she withheld burdening him too much.

“Well, that was a lot of honesty. I’m usually more private about this type of stuff. Ben doesn’t even know. Please don’t ever tell anyone I told you this.”

“Who would I tell?” Mack’s face shifted from crimson to pale and back again, and she moved closer. “Thank you for sharing your past. It means a lot you’d open up like that.”

The rain slowed and turned into tap dancing with the earth, making Charlie drowsy with sound. She studied Mack’s face, her dark thick eyebrows, her sharp, yet full cheekbones. The wideness of her eyes, the deep plum of her lips.

Charlie cleared her throat. “What about you? Any exes?”

Mack shook her head. “None.”

“None? Like none, none?”

“Yeah. None, none. Not high school, not college, not adulthood.”

This tidbit marinated. Yes, Charlie was happy independent. It took a long time to get there. But the desire for human connection still pulled her, although the fear of getting hurt superseded her need for partnership. How did someone like Mack, a best-selling author at twenty-five, smoking hot, intelligent, and funny, not have an ex? It went against the laws of the universe.

Or was it a red flag?

“You’re a super attractive, intelligent woman. Who lives in New York. Gays grow on trees out there, just like here. It’s not like you live in a small Minnesota town or something. Why none?”

Mack’s eyes focused on a hammock rope knot. The rope squished between her fingertips, and she exhaled. “I think I keep waiting. I always feel like I have one more thing I need to complete first, you know?”

“Where do you think this drive comes from?”

“My parents,” Mack answered without hesitation. “Growing up, I didn’t know we didn’t have much money. My parents hustled, worked so many hours, and made sure one of them was almost always home with me. I think their life’s mission was to make sure I succeeded, so they pushed me. Hard.’”

But Mack had a best-selling book. Was more accomplished than most of the human population, much less people their age. Something wasn’t adding up. “Do you feel like you’re wasting the best years of your life?”

“Do you?”

Charlie was struck silent. “That’s fair. But I’ve already tried. Didn’t work out.” Did she really want to dive into what happened when her heart shattered and splintered after the personshe loved betrayed her and left? That the broken heart carnage left her shaking and terrified of ever trusting again?

Silence hung in the air, along with the scented candle. Charlie lowered her eyes to Mack’s mouth. Charlie wanted to talk more. She wanted to stop. She wanted Mack not to have the tiny curve in the corner of her lips like it was a dimple hideaway, and if she said something clever, it would peek out.

“You’re so easy to talk to.” Charlie’s voice was barely above a whisper.

Mack shook her head. “You’resuper easy to talk to. You say you don’t normally talk like this? I normally don’t talk. At all. Sometimes it’ll be days before I’ve realized the only words I’ve spoken out loud is when I ordered my coffee.”

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