Page 55 of Sustain

"We drew pictures of him for you," Jett informs me proudly, and loudly. He’s never had a volume button. He grabs his younger sister's hand, both of them bouncing excitedly. "Can we give Auntie Mac her Christmas presents now, Mom? Pleeeease?"

Chelsie rolls her eyes. "They've been begging me all day. I finally had to cave just to get some peace." She winks at me. "I figured one early Christmas gift wouldn't hurt."

The kids race off to retrieve their drawings and I follow Chelsie into the kitchen, a meandering Chip following patiently behind. I idly scratch his ears as she pours us glasses of wine.

"So..." Her leading tone immediately sets me on alert for questions about Ian. "How's your man holding up after playing nurse?"

"He's..." I trail off, staring at my brace with a small shake of my head. With the distance between us, I'm no longer certain how to describe this thing with Ian. But before Chelsie can inquire further, the kids rush back in to distract us with their drawings. My sigh of relief makes Chelsie snort. We clink our wine glasses silently; a toast to conversations merely postponed. Interrogations will keep for later.

After a long evening of playing with the kids, I sink onto the couch beside Chelsie, gratefully elevating my injured leg onto the ottoman. The kids are tucked happily in bed, their excitement and rough housing with Chip finally giving way toyawns. Chelsie’s husband Noah is off tinkering in their huge garage full of classic cars, giving us girls alone time to chat.

In their wake, a heavy silence hangs between my best friend and me. She wordlessly tops off our wine glasses. Liquid courage for the conversation she’s been biding her time for all evening.

I take a large gulp before meeting Chelsie’s probing gaze. “Alright, go ahead. Ask me anything.”

Chelsie leans forward, eyes glittering with curiosity. “Spill it, hon. What happened with Ian after you two emerged from that sexy little snowed-in cabin?”

I twist my ring absently. “I don’t know Chels...we didn’t make any big declarations or labels before leaving Aspen. But the connection felt so...” I trail off, searching for the right word.

“Real?” Chelsie supplies gently.

I nod, confusion and hurt welling up. “But now back in the real world, he’s barely spoken to me. Just stupid one-word texts.”

Chelsie grabs my hand, ceasing my nervous spinning. “Have you told Ian how it makes you feel when he goes silent like this?”

“Well, no,” I admit. “What if he doesn’t feel the same way as me? If this was just a fleeting thing for him?”

She’s patiently silent, letting me sort my jumbled thoughts.

"I just don't get it," I sigh, taking a large swig of merlot. "Ian and I have known each other for years professionally. But during the festival was the first time we ever really talked, you know? And I felt this intense connection between us."

Chelsie nods sagely. "So, what was stopping you two from exploring things before the little Winter Wonderland lockdown?"

I snort. "For starters, Ian was married. Off-limits. And I honestly didn't think he even saw me that way." I shake my head with a wry laugh. "I figured I was doomed to be wed solely to mycareer, with a gaggle of rowdy rockstars as my eternal children. But now they’re all pairing off…"

"Things change," Chelsie says softly, instinctively topping off our glasses again. She sure knows how to loosen me up. "That spark was clearly already there; it just needed the right ignition." She studies me intently. "The better question is, now that you've had this taste of something deeper with Ian, do you want more?"

I fall silent, staring into my wine. Do I? “Before the isolation of the cabin, I'd never dreamed of anything beyond the transient flings and adrenaline-fueled world I live in. But Ian makes me imagine something different...quiet mornings wrapped in each other's arms...a true partner to share this crazy life with...maybe even..."

"A family?" Chelsie asks gently.

I release a shaky breath. "I don't know if that's meant for someone like me. If Ian even sees me as potential mother material. Lord knowsInever have before now." I swallow hard against the ache building in my throat. "But maybe? Someday?”

Chelsie takes my hands in hers. “You’ll never know unless you talk about it with him.”

“Yeah, but when? All I’m getting is a near brush-off now, and he’s headed to England for two weeks. Not exactly the best time.”

“Oh, honey.” Chelsie squeezes onto the loveseat beside me and pulls me into a hug. “This is important. Find the time to lay it on the line. Life’s too damn short—especially in your crazy rock n’ roll world. When Ian’s back from England, surprise him by being the bold woman I know you are. Worst case, you get closure.” She winks conspiratorially. “Get him something for Christmas and deliver it to him in person once he’s back. Nothing major or ‘relationship labeling.’ You know, just something small and thoughtful.”

Despite my doubts, I feel myself smiling slightly in response, knowing exactly what to get him. And maybe she’s right...maybe it is time to make a stand to find out if this unexpected connection with Ian is already fading, or if the attraction between us just needs re-sparking.

I down the last of my wine in one long swallow. As much as my talk with Chelsie has centered me, chilled uncertainty still gnaws at the edges of my buzz. I'm used to always being the one in control when it comes to romantic chemistry. But this time feels different. Rawer.

Maybe I’m the lone lit match in this scenario. My next move with Ian will determine if the combustible heat between us blazes back to life...or fizzles straight back out to cold, hard ashes.

"Refill?" Chelsie interrupts my silent thoughts and grabs the wine bottle. I nod gratefully, the rich aroma settling my crazy emotions temporarily.I’m glad I stopped with the pain pills with all of this wine…geez.

Chelsie's scanning her phone as she settles back beside me on the couch when her motions still, brows knitting. "Hey, you remember that merch girl who bailed on you guys ages ago? The one causing all the press drama?"

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