Page 67 of Sustain

It blows my mind how fast everything has changed. Just yesterday I stood angry on the patio of this house behind my own icy walls, convinced nothing excused Ian hiding his daughters’ entire existence from me.

But June's excitement about art and Hayley's big opinions about music and cats thawed me out really fast. Too quickly I got suckered in by the mini-Ians. And today, I glimpsed my own rare silly side reemerge seeing us all reflected in the fun house mirrors at the amusement park.

With last kisses to sleepy heads, Ian creeps out to the hall and slowly shuts the door. We make eye contact in this weird, suspended moment. A lot was dug up and patched today. Whathappens now as we stand at this fork in the road, that’s actually a hallway outside his daughter's room?

I watch a kaleidoscope of expressions cross Ian's face. A lingering tenderness from the bedtime ritual shifts to something tentative, yet heated, as his eyes lock with mine.

He takes a half step closer in the shadowed hallway, one hand lifting slowly to graze my hip before he seems to catch himself. I quirk a curious eyebrow as he lets out a self-conscious half-laugh instead, leaning in to press a gentle kiss to my forehead.

"They're out like lights already," he murmurs. "Let me just grab us a nightcap?"

I nod, lips tilting as I read the silent intention in his tired eyes. He’s not quite ready to rush physical intimacy with his girls sleeping nearby. "Something strong to take the edge off all this, please," I joke lightly, following his familiar form toward the kitchen.

He pulls a decanter of amber liquid from a cabinet, raising it in query. "This scotch aged nearly as long as it took me to come clean..."

I let slip another small laugh at his wry tone, the knots inside me loosening. “Well, then it’s aged well.”

Maybe we’ll just have a drink tonight, continuing to merge lives carefully first. There’s plenty of time ahead of us now to explore all the new facets glittering temptingly beneath the surface.

Ian's expression softens as he pours two glasses. "Now then, how about a little light reading? For old time's sake?" He guides us back toward the crackling living room fireplace and my thoughts fly to our time at the cabin sitting by a fire just like this.

“Or, new times,” I smile, raising my glass, exhaustion creeping in as Ian sits next to me and carefully pulls my legs onto his lap.

“How is your leg doing?” he asks, massaging my toes peeking out from the brace. “You braved an entire amusement park with this thing quite admirably.”

I can’t help but burst out a laugh. “Do you not recall me stopping for ice cream every twenty feet? It wasn’t for the ice cream, it was so I could sit down for a minute. And I actually ended up wearing most of it.” I glance down at my stained sweatshirt, imagining how haggard I must look right now.

His eyebrows raise. “Clever girl. And here I thought I’d finally discovered another weakness of yours. Besides hot chocolate, of course.”

“Oh, you’ll have to try harder than that.”

A sly smile appears, and he leans over, barely brushing my lips. “I’d like to.”

“Daddy, I’m thirsty,” June’s small voice calls from the hallway, and Ian pulls away quickly, composing himself.

I try my best to do the same before June rounds the corner, transferring my leg to the coffee table so he can get up.

He gives me a remorseful look that matches my own internal feelings. I have to remember that we have all the time in the world. And to be honest, we should be taking this slow. Apologetic words are still echoing in my brain, but I don’t know that my heart heard them completely.

Patience. I need to find some patience.

And not just with Ian, but with myself too. I have a bad habit of always getting what I want because I make whatever it is happen. Without help. That’s how I’ve learned to live and have been this way for a long fucking time. Now that there’s another soul involved, or, in reality, three – I need to readjust my expectations. For everything, and everyone.

I grab one of theIfbooks from the coffee table while Ian grabs June a drink of water, searching for a question to ask him. I could leave it to fate like we did last time, but I want to findsomething that really uncovers a truth about him that I don’t know yet.

When he settles back next to me with an apology, he sweeps my legs over again and resumes his foot massage. “Now, where were we?”

“Alright Mr. Superhero, here’s your first question. Ready?” I eye him over the book.

His shoulders slump as if in defeat and it’s comical to see him pretend to hate this. “God that name is going to go to my head…I guess,” he sighs deeply.

“If you could have one superpower what would it be?” I ask, slamming the book shut and handing it over to him.

“Time travel,” he says without missing a beat, his tone serious.

“Time travel? Why?”

He stares solemnly at me for a moment before answering. “Do you know how many times Iliterallywished I could go back and tell you about my girls right away?”

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