Page 52 of Sustain

After days of evading the truth, how can I beg Mackenzie to hear out such shame-faced omissions without torching the fragile connection between us? Is it really as fragile as I think it is?

You forfeited any right you might have had to mercy hiding your bloody kids like criminal sins rather than tell her about them from the start.

Fucking, fucking, fucking coward.

“Fine. You win. I’m going,” I mutter to the cat as I grab my coat and the keys to my rental car, self-disgust propelling me back toward whatever uncertain fate awaits me. Now that the roads are all clear, and I’ve unburied the car from all of the snow it was hiding beneath, it’s high time I face the firing squad or lose her anyway once this brief oasis completely dissipates. My brain runs through all plausible narratives, and excuses unfurl wildly as I get to her hotel floor.

The words will come to me. They have to. It was an honest mistake to keep this from her. My wires crossed, and the timing never felt right afterward. And then…I just…I just…nothing.

Not a gods damned thing is coming to mind that will fix this.

All I have to do is start, right? And the rest will come to me. If this is real, it will come to me, and everything will be fine.

I raise a shaky hand to knock softly on the door, a small part of me hoping she’s fast asleep and dreaming of better things than what I’m about to detonate in front of her.

The handle turns.

Here we go.

Her incandescent smile when she opens the door scatters all coherency straight away. And when she pulls me into a mind-melting kiss without a word, the whiskey she’s had is sweet on my tongue and goes straight to my own head. My galloping heart traitorously whispers,it can all wait until the morning…

thirty-seven

. . .

Crazy In Love

Mackenzie

I trace fleeting snowflakes instead of looking Ian in the eyes as we wait outside the hotel for my ride to the airport. It’s still dark out since it’s so early, but something is off between us this morning, and I can’t for the life of me figure out what it is.

Last night was amazing. We barely said a word to each other, just expressing ourselves with our bodies, our hands, our kisses. Our touches said more than I think words ever could. And in that regard, I loved what he had to say. The way that he seems to worship me when we’re together, the reverence, is otherworldly. Which in turn, makes me want to do the same for him.

It's so intimate, it’s scary.

All of this moment is scary.

“Text me when you land or get home safe,” he says, eyeing the car pulling into the lot warily, and pulling me into a hug. “Both, actually. Text me both.”

I bury my face into his neck, my breath pluming in the frigid air around us like a cloud.

“I can’t believe you’re driving all the way back to LA, just to take Stormy with you,” I say, still disbelieving. But then, ofcourse, he is. He just forgets he’s supposed to wear a cape to identify him as the hero he is.

“It’s only a fourteen-hour drive, give or take,” he says with a soft laugh. “You didn’t think I’d actually leave her here, did you?”

“Well, no, of course not. But fourteen hours… You sure you don’t want me to come with you?” I can feel the barest of his tensing muscles as I ask the question yet again. “I really wouldn’t mind.”

“No, no. We’ll be fine,” he says, pulling away and grabbing my suitcase to roll to the waiting car. “Besides, you have another flight home to Vegas for the holiday later this evening to prepare for. Don’t worry about us.”

I follow him carefully on my crutches to the car, reluctant for the oncoming goodbye. I really don’t want to leave him.

“Well, you keep me posted on your journey,” I say, wrapping him in a final hug. “Don’t forget, I’m invested in Stormy’s welfare too. She and I bonded, you know.”

“Oh, I’m well aware,” he smiles, but his eyes are still guarded. Those emerald depths are murky now with emotion I can’t place. Maybe he’s as sad for us to part as I am. Maybe he’s just feeling the same way I do and can’t find a way to express it.

Maybe. Maybe. Maybe.

“Ok, well, I guess we’ll talk soon then,” I say, reaching up to kiss him one more time.

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