Page 49 of Sustain

Fucking hell. Am I really falling for this guy?

He rescues broken damsels in distress on ski slopes, and orphaned kittens buried in snow. Hell, he even rescued Chaos Fuel when they needed it. He reads fast like a motherfucker and can make the best hot chocolate I’ve ever had from freaking scratch. He chases bad dreams away, and always,always, is concerned for my welfare before his own.

He's a fucking unicorn.

Somewhere between whiteouts and blackouts, I fell for this guy. This man who doesn’t dim himself during storms, or hide, but shines brighter when he fights them. I’d be happy to warm myself near his flame, anytime.

Who even knew someone like him existed?

Not me.

Color me surprised as fuck.

Still riding highon Chaos Fuel’s epic set, suddenly all our monitors cut out minutes before Murderous Crows are set to headline. Fresh panic erupts over potential electrical issues or damaged cables. Every tech on deck dives into frenetic troubleshooting trying to resolve the video kill before call time.

Amidst the mess I can feel Ian smoothly join the rescue effort, alert to the crisis and already figuring out the shortest path to a resolution. He doesn’t announce his intentions loudly to everyone, or make a show seeking praise, he just intuitively tackles locating the damaged inputs and coordinates quick hot swaps. Within minutes of his subtle actions, the monitors flicker promisingly back to life and my monitor crew sighs with relief.

So do I. Once again, my hero saved the day.

What was I saying about unicorns?

I sneak a grateful smile Ian’s way as he continues calmly directing stagehands around. And my heart swells realizing that Ian could be a true partner, rising to share burdens wordlessly because my trials are his too.

I need to be careful. I’m getting carried away with all of this Ian worship. My rose-colored glasses are fusing to my face at this point.

As final audio checks commence flawlessly, thanks to Ian’s steady troubleshooting, he sidles up to me, smiling. I can see the adrenaline still coursing through him from pulling another victory from near disaster yet again today.

“Sorry to swoop in on your operation uninvited. Force of habit, leaping to lend a hand...” He presses his palms togetherapologetically even as satisfaction glints behind his bashful green eyes.

I lay my hand against his wrist, catching his gaze directly. “Don’t you dare apologize. You likely salvaged the whole set just by intuitively figuring out the problem. It was...” I fumble for words to convey my sudden swell of emotions. I really am losing it. “Well, I’ve never had someone dive into my professional mess without asking just because they knew it impacted me too.”

His eyes gentle, seeing through to the heart of my awe. How deeply being in sync with someone else strikes a rusty cord after years and years of striving solo against storms nobody else even registered.

Part of my natural defenses whispers,‘danger,’at giving up any autonomy so willingly to someone suddenly attuned to my inner burdens and needs. But the rest of me pushes that caution to the side, realizing the relief that not weathering every storm alone doesn’t mean weakness, it just means that a partnership makes everything easier to face.

What a revelation to have in the middle of a show.

Good god. I’m in so much fucking trouble with this guy.

thirty-four

. . .

Against the Wall

Ian

The riotous spectacle of Murderous Crows’ theatrics reaches a fever pitch right in time with my own spiraling emotions. It’s no surprise Mackenzie’s team has refined showmanship to a science. They clearly learned from the consummate pro beside me, maneuvering every behind-the-scenes twist without breaking a sweat.

Seeing her in her element stirs that now familiar swell of fierce affection. But it also signals the possible ending of our time together.

I don’t want it to end.

As the surrounding music rages, uncertainty starts to ache in my heart. Does the end of the show mean the end of us? We never talked about the future, let alone just tomorrow.

Dread creeps in as I imagine our paths diverging come daybreak tomorrow. Is our going back to the real world going to shatter this fragile snow globe we’ve found each other in? Is what we have together sustainable in our day-to-day lives?

Or are we beyond that? Could what we’ve gone through together these last few days be enough to forge a true relationship? Do I even want that?

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