Page 28 of Sustain

I doomed everyone.

Mackenzie reaches over and rubs my arm gently, her voice soft and soothing, yet edged with anger. “Well, if you ask me, it’s her fucking loss. Because I think you’re pretty great.”

I hear her words, but they don’t really register. I still mourn the loss of what could have been. Whatshouldhave been. My hand drops heavily to my lap. Even old regrets can still sting.

“It’s not entirely her fault, really. I sold her on a dream that I couldn’t fulfill. There’s no denying that. But I did what I could to stay involved in the business. To be near the limelight I was forced to turn away from. So, I channeled that restless energy into nurturing new talent when Blackmore offered me the scouting gig. It just wasn’t enough to hold things together. And now here I am before you, a manager for a band with zero common sense, snowed in at a ski resort in Colorado with no power, probably no festival, and no end to any of it in sight.” I give a rueful laugh, heart clenching with how much my life seems to change after split-second decisions.

She doesn’t say anything. Just keeps gently rubbing my arm. It’s comforting, and just what I need to get the story out. I could feel her compassion and empathy before I said a word. That alone is fucking incredible.That’sa talent.

But I need to be careful here.

Mackenzie isn’t the type of person I want to mess around with just for fun. She deserves more than just a roll in the hay. Even though she says she doesn’t want more it’s obvious that ourconnection is deeper than just physical. Whether or not she feels it too I don’t know but after everything, I don’t want to press the issue and make either of us uncomfortable.

With sex off the table, all that’s left is intellectual intercourse, and I don’t know that I’m up to the task.

Baring my soul to her like this in the middle of the day is very different than our exchanged confidences at night. There’s a glare on every thought and emotion that exposes them more somehow. It’s as if when you tell your story at night you can hide behind the shadows, and that can’t happen now.

I inhale deeply and push off my knees to stand. “Right. Well, I suppose I should check on the hot water situation. I’m not sure exactly when the power went out, and if there is any hot water left, I’ll leave it for you to shower or clean up.”

“I could definitely use a shower if there is any.”

Squeezing my eyes shut to try to push the picture of Mackenzie naked in the shower out of my brain, I turn and head toward the utility closet. I am the least mechanically inclined person that I know, outside of musical equipment, so what I’m looking for on a hot water heater I have no idea.

As I open the door and look at the contraption, I don’t know what I’m looking at, so I cautiously touch the side to see if it’s still warm and it seems to be.

“I’m not positive but I believe the water might still be warm, so you should probably take a shower before that changes.” I’m still having difficulty not picturing her naked, which is becoming a problem for me.

She stands and grabs her crutches, now adept at maneuvering smoothly with them, and heads toward the bedroom. “Thanks, I’ll try to be quick and leave you some.”

I’m about to instinctively offer to help but catch myself in time before I embarrass myself all over again. So, I just nod and shut the door to the closet without a word.

With it being so quiet in the cabin, I can hear her moving around, and my dick hardens at the thought of her stripping mere feet away from me. It dawns on me that she might want some clean clothes to change into once she’s done with her shower. Once I hear the water start, I enter the bedroom to go through my duffel to see if I have anything she could wear.

Once there, I instantly notice that the door to the bathroom is left open, and while I can’t see Mackenzie directly, I do see her reflection in the vanity mirror. Her breathtaking reflection. She’s holding on to the wall carefully as the water falls over her, peppering her skin, and droplets giving themselves up to gravity as they slide down her exposed flesh.

As she turns, I get a full view of the breasts I just had in my mouth and my hands not but an hour ago at most, and my fingertips and lips tingle with the desire to touch them again. Even just for a moment. One more moment to carry me through my fantasies with that reality, because right now it still feels like a dream.

I’m frozen, pulse hammering as I drink in elegant curves and planes beaded and glittering. I know I should give her privacy, but I’m transfixed by this unexpected glimpse behind Mackenzie’s armor. I’m aching to trail my fingers along her silhouette…that skin… Heat surges lower as my imagination spins wild visions.

Stop it, you perv.

With monumental effort I force rigid limbs into motion, silently pulling the door half-closed. My fists clench, warring with myself. I want Mackenzie, desperately, but not at the cost of her trust. I make myself look away and finish what I came here for. I find a new shirt and pair of shorts that will have to do. I didn’t pack much as this festival is only for a few days, and I wasn’t expecting to be sharing my wardrobe with anyone. So, the pickings are about to be very slim.

Laying the clothes on the bed for her again and exiting the bedroom, I close the door behind me and try to shutter my mind to the invasive thoughts of everything Mackenzie. If I let them, they will consume me, and I’m not sure I could survive that.

Honestly, I don’t know if I’d want to.

seventeen

. . .

What Do I Do

Mackenzie

Finishing my shower as quickly and as carefully as I can, I exit the bathroom to find that Ian has laid out clean clothes for me. He’s got to be running out of his own, so for him to think of me is heartwarming.

Since putting a stop to any thoughts of having sex between us, of course, now it’s the only thing I can think about. The memory of his kisses and hands all over me makes me want to take it all back. Just say,‘fuck it,’and go for the immediate pleasure release that I know would come from it. I don’t know what’s holding me back, outside of thinking that my judgment is clouded. I’m beginning to question that about myself.

---