Page 26 of Sustain

“Well, of course, but there are several issues,” he says, rubbing at his stubbly chin. I must say, he looks good with a partial beard. Definitely brings out more of the ‘rugged mountain man’ vibe. “I just wondered which one you wanted to discuss.”

I tilt my head, confused. “Several?”

“Well, yeah. One - Do we or don’t we have sex? I will need your explicit consent, obviously. Two - If we do have sex, what does that mean for us personally and professionally? And three - What position do you prefer? I don’t think we got to that part of the book yet, and inquiring minds want to know.” He grins, and it’s cheeky as hell.

I love it.

Any fear I may have had that Ian was, deep down, a typical misogynistic jerk is quickly set aside. I should have known better than to doubt him. But then, don’t I doubt everyone? Maybe I shouldn’t.

“Well, since you seem to be so on top of everything, why don’t you pick one of those?” I know as soon as I say it that I shouldn’t have. He’s going to go straight to the position question.

Surprisingly, while he did have that look about him that he wanted to go that route, he doesn’t. But, he’s still siding on humor.

“Here’s the thing,” he starts. “As for the ‘do we or don’t we’ portion of the menu, I’ll pick the ‘we do.’ The question is, do you agree?”

Something about how he’s phrasing everything is messing with my head for some reason. Like he’s not taking this seriously enough. But why am I taking itsoseriously? I’ve never done this before. Usually, if I’m in the mood, and a reasonable opportunity presents itself, I just do what I need to without a second thought. I’m completely overthinking this.

“I think I do...” I say, biting my lip, suddenly unsure.

His brow furrows. “So, what’s changed in the last few minutes? Because I was under the impression, and tell me if I’m way off base here, that you were into it as much as I was. Am. You know what I mean.”

Now he’s flustered. Great. I’m screwing this all up. Maybe I’m not thinking straight after all. Maybe the pain meds are messing with my thought process. That can’t be a good thing when it comes to something like this.

I meet his eyes, and behind the passion that I see there, I see concern. I wasn’t expecting that.

“Honestly, I don’t know if the pain meds are clouding my judgment or not.”

He puts a hand on my thigh and squeezes lightly. The warmth of his hand is comforting. “Say no more. Sex is officially off the menu.” He smiles, and it’s genuine. Not the pouty disappointment that would typically accompany this change in direction. “And you’re right. We probably should talk more about it before taking that step...If we ever take it, that is. Not that I don’t want to, because, of course, I do...I just. Tell you what, I’ll just shut up now. How’s that?”

That makes me laugh and breaks the tension that has been slowly building between us since we started talking. I’m glad he’s reacting this way.

“Okay, good. Thanks. I mean, I know I kind of started it, but...”

“It doesn’t matter if you started it or not. You’re stopping it. End of story. Next subject.”

I almost propose again, but stop myself. I’m not sure if I’d be joking or not anymore. That just goes to show how muddled my mind is right now. So, I guess it’s a good thing we’re not going any farther.

“Next subject,” I repeat. “What is the next subject?”

He studies me carefully. Intently. “What about the possibility of it? Someday. Could that be a thing? And if so, what would it mean? Or, do to our relationship? If anything.”

“Would we be crossing some sort of professional line, you think?” I ask, curious what he thinks about the idea.

Crossing his arms, he considers. “I don’t think so. I’m not your boss, and you’re not mine, so that’s not a problem. And if I remember correctly, my contract only stipulates not to fuck around with the talent.”

“Same.”

“Not to say that you’re not talented. I’m sure you have many talents.”

“Ha ha.”

“Do you have any talents?” he asks, a smirk curving his lips.

While I know what he’s secretly referring to, I have to think for a minute. It’s been a while since I’ve even had a hobby, let alone a talent.

“I used to be able to twirl a baton,” I say, almost proud of it even though it was years ago, and I barely even remember it.

“Oh? Were you in marching band?”

---