“I love you.”
Then I walked off. I just about heard him call me an idiot behind my back.
I was one. And I loved it.
Hugo
Waking up had once filled me with dread and fear. These days, it was my favourite part of the day. Some mornings, I woke up alone, snuggled under Ben’s weighted blanket, the scent of him all around me. Other mornings, like today, I woke up with a mouthful of his chest hair and a stupid smile on my face.
Also? I’d woken up with anunfortunate boner.
It didn’t happen often, but this was the second time this week, and I was starting to wonder what was wrong with me.
“Not much,” Ben replied as I asked him just that, rolling over with a blush all over my face. “You’re really cute when you wake up with an unfortunate boner.”
“Idiot,” I muttered at him, trying to bury my face in the pillow, which was hard when I was trying to avoid him and he was planting little kisses on my shoulder. Down my arm. Wrapping his big stupid chef arms around me and holding me tight.
Boners. Ugh.
I didn’t need that. I definitely didn’t want that.
“You know,” he said softly, breathing into my neck. “You know if you need something, anything, you can tell me. I mean, I could…help you. If you need it.” More kisses. I loved his little kisses. The way his hands roamed all over my chest. Up and down. Trapping my arms and holding me prisoner.
In a good way.
“I don’t need that,” I muttered. I didn’t. Truly. And mostly, I didn’t want it because when Ben said stupid shit like that, his voice wobbled in a way that made it obvious he was terrified of me saying yes. I would never say yes. This was who we were and what we did and how we functioned, and I had never ever in my whole messed-up stupid life been happier than I was just lying here on a random Saturday morning, getting slobbered on by the man who should be getting up and making me a cup of tea because I deserved it. I told him that too.
“You deserve it?” he teased back. Yeah. I did. And he knew it. “What else do you deserve?”
“Well…” I giggled as he tickled my ribs and placed more kisses along my shoulder. “I think…toast. With strawberry jam.”
“Ohh.”
Idiot. Big, grinning, stupid idiot.
My idiot, though. And now he was kissing my neck, little flutters of those soft lips, scratchy stubble.
“Oh, I meant to tell you!” I’d actually forgotten, crawling into bed last night after another late shift…as the new reception manager. I had relented and agreed and given up my fancy dinner jacket and desk for a cheap suit, a new long winded name badge and more aggro than I’d realised I was in for. But secretly, I was getting the hang of it. I was even getting the hang of my staff’s surly faces and resentment towards the bloke from across the lobby who’d swanned in and nabbed the job they’d all applied for. Tough? Yes. But manageable. I liked these people, and I hoped they would one day like me back or at least respect me. I was kind of envious of the way they all jumped to attention when Finn showed his face. Not that I was Finn. I was way softer than that, maybe a little rougher around the edges. More smiles. Fewer scowls.
“Go on?” He pushed my shoulder down into the bed so he could lean his chin on my chest and made himself comfortable, his arms weighing me down. “What were you going to tell me?” More kisses, soft strokes of his fingertips against my skin.
He liked having me like this. All his. I was trapped, but I didn’t mind. Here, I was actually willingly trapped, and I could stay here forever. With him.
“Let me guess—your shift went so well that now you’re going for Finn’s job and are about to make my life a living nightmare.”
“No.” I smirked. He was teasing, I knew that. “But listen. You know I had that weird letter arrive for me? A proper letter in an envelope and all.”
“Okay?”
There was that wobble in his voice again.
“Calm down, it’s a good story.” I tugged at the duvet so it covered his naked shoulders. The room was cool, even in the middle of summer, and these days, Ben and I tended to sleep naked, which was something that had surprised us both at first, but we’d done it almost without thinking. Realised that this was just the way things were. We needed each other. We needed this constant touch. And we’d talked it through since. I liked me naked now. More than that, I liked his big soft furry body naked all over me.
See? I was happy. I was really, really happy.
“Tell me. I have toast to make, remember?”
“You’re the trained chef,” I reminded him, resisting the urge to tap his silly little nose again. For such a big bloke, his nose was surprisingly cute. “Anyway. The letter was just a piece of paper with a number on inside. Turned out it was Dieter’s number.”