Page 51 of The Bad Weather Friend

“Yes. To put your life back on the tracks when other people, wicked people, derail you.”

“I’m grateful.”

“You’re welcome.”

Benny said, “We can be friends and go bowling, play golf now and then—”

Spike said, “Maybe get a cat.”

“We’ll discuss pets later. The thing is—this won’t work if you’re going to nanny me.”

“I never would.”

“Well, that’s exactly what you did with the chair.”

“Is not.”

“Is too. If I want to deform my spine by sitting in a cool chair, I will.”

“That is not a wise choice.”

“If I want to set my hair on fire, I will.”

“That is even less wise.”

“Besides,” Harper said, “your hair isn’tthatbad.”

“Your job,” Benny said to Spike, “is to protect me from other people, not from myself.”

“Oh, my main man, it’s not a job,” Spike said. “It’s a calling and an honor.”

“No nanny.”

Spike sighed extravagantly. “Benjamin, you’re just like your great-uncle Talmadge, bless his soul. He insisted on the same condition.”

“Then we understand each other?”

“I can’t say I fully understand a man who would set his own hair on fire, but I agree to your condition.”

As the combination service station and convenience store appeared in the next block, Benny said, “One more thing.”

“Is it the cat?”

“No. I’m wondering where all the money came from that you gave to the parking valets.”

“It came from my pocket.”

Harper said, “I can vouch for that. I saw him take it out of his pocket.”

“I mean,” said Benny, “how did all that money get in your pocket?”

Pulling off the street, coasting toward the island of gasoline pumps, Spike said, “There’s always money in my pocket, whatever amount I need, whenever I need it. That’s just part of being a craggle. No toilet, plenty of money.”

“It’s good being a craggle,” Harper said.

“It’s very good,” Spike agreed, “except when you have to lie too long in the time-out tube and you can’t turn your mind off, and you start mulling over all the I-sure-wish-I’d-done-that-differently moments from eighteen centuries.”

Fishing a credit card out of his wallet, Benny said, “I’ll get this. I need some fresh air. I need a lot of fresh air.”

---