Page 81 of Theirs

“I hope so,” I tell her, and Ben reaches down to squeeze one of my hands. “We’ll see. He’s been pretty busy. His wife is pregnant.”

“That’s so exciting!” she says, clapping her hands. And I also wonder if Colin has told her that I can’t make him a father. I won’t be the woman to make her a grandmother.

My throat tightens, and I feel panic setting in. “Um, can you excuse me for a moment? I need to use the restroom.”

The guys begin cleaning up the torn wrapping paper, and I walk down the hall to our bedroom. Once I get to the bedroom, I shut the door behind me and go to the bathroom, pressing my palms to the marble vanity and stare at myself in the mirror. I grit my teeth, trying to hold the tears in, I don’t want to have to redo my makeup. A soft knock comes from the open bathroom door, and I look over to find that Alex has followed me. That’s the best thing about having four boyfriends, you’ve always got one that’s willing to come and make sure you’re okay.

“Hey you,” he says. “Mind if I join?”

I give him a sad smile, and he comes in to stand right behind me, placing his hands on my hips and looks at me in the mirror.

“Are you doing okay?” he asks.

I shrug my shoulders. “It’s just a lot,” I say softly. “Having someone fawn over me like Colin’s mom is doing. And trying to impress them, and be the perfect girlfriend times four.”

“Well, first off, you don’t have to try to be the perfect girlfriend, you just are,” he says. “And second off... you’re capable of love. Don’t for a second think that you’re undeserving.”

I know exactly what he means, he doesn’t have to expand on it. I’ve blamed myself for years for what happened to me. Just like he probably blamed himself for what happened with his father, but we’re just victims— no, we’re survivors.

“Alex?” I say, pulling his arms tighter around my torso. “I think I’m ready to talk to a professional about what happened to me. I need to find a way to repair that part of my heart, I’ve waited too long. I don’t want what happened to me to keep me from enjoying life with you guys.”

He spins me around, and lifts me up in the air, I wrap my legs around his torso.

“Of course,” he says, pressing his forehead to mine. “We’ll call someone as soon as the holiday is over and see when we can get you in.”

“Thank you for helping me, Alex,” I say into his neck. “Thank you for not giving up on me.”

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