Page 71 of Ruined (The Knights of Ruin)

You know the answer to that, motherfucker.

‘No, Cat.’ I had make myself say the words. ‘When I say I have to go, I mean I have to leave you. For good.’

She paled. ‘What?’

‘I can’t be with you any more. It’s better for you and it’s better for Annie if I’m not in your lives. I’ll take a jail term for the club if I have to, but I’m not having you or Annie connected to that. Not if it means you losing her.’

Her mouth had dropped open and she was staring at me like I’d turned into a stranger. ‘You can’t mean that.’

I held her gaze, letting her see the truth. ‘I mean every fucking word.’

Green sparks of anger leapt in her eyes. ‘No,’ she repeated. ‘You’re not going to jail just because you were protecting me. And you’re not leaving me. Just no.’

Of course she was being stubborn. Of course she was going to make this even harder than it was already.

‘You didn’t want this anyway, remember?’ I couldn’t help pointing that out. ‘You wanted some time to think about it.’

Those green sparks leapt higher, her chin lifting in challenge. ‘I know what I said. But what if I was wrong? What if I do want it after all?’

Oh, Jesus Christ. Please don’t say she’d changed her mind. I couldn’t deal with that—I just couldn’t.

‘Well, it’s too late now,’ I said harshly. ‘This is the way it has to be.’

Not waiting for her to respond, I sidestepped her and headed into the bedroom.

I didn’t want to have this discussion. Not with her standing there with that look in her eyes. Anger and, beneath it, pain. Not when everything I said would only make her angrier, cause her more hurt.

It was better I just go. Make the moment quick, like ripping off a Band-Aid.

In the bedroom I grabbed my duffel bag, then went to the dresser where Cat had cleared out a couple of drawers for me, taking out my clothes and stuffing them in the bag.

‘You bastard.’

Cat’s voice came from behind me, low and shaking.

‘You don’t get to do this. You don’t get to change our friendship, make me want you, tell me you’ll never leave me and then walk away.’

Each word hit like a bullet, opening up a thousand holes inside me, their edges jagged and ripped, my entire fucking soul pouring out through them like blood from a fatal wound.

‘It’s better this way.’

I kept my teeth clenched against the agony, balling up a T-shirt and shoving it into the bag.

‘Better for who? For me and Annie? Or for you?’

The raw note in her voice hooked into the anger that was already boiling away inside me, making it sizzle like water on a hot exhaust pipe.

I turned around sharply.

She was behind me, her expression furious, her green eyes bright with hurt.

‘You really want a man like me?’ I demanded, unable to shut the fuck up. ‘I’d have killed that fucker if you hadn’t been here. I’d have beaten him to death for touching you.’

I took a step towards her, wanting to intimidate her so she’d back off.

‘Is that the kind of man you want in your life? The kind of man you want around your daughter?’

Strangely, the look in her eyes softened, as if she could see something in me that I couldn’t.

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