Page 52 of Ruined (The Knights of Ruin)

‘Take off your clothes. Now.’

A helpless shiver broke over me. ‘I thought we were going to talk.’

‘We are. You can talk and I’ll listen. But I want you naked.’

‘But...but I—’

‘That’s how it’s going to be from now on, kitten. We compromise. I get what I want and so do you.’ His sensual mouth hardened. ‘Now, take your fucking clothes off, or I’ll take them off for you.’

Anger flared in my gut—reflexive, bonfire bright. Where the hell did he get off, ordering me around in my own home?

Yet there was another part of me—a part I’d only discovered the night before—that liked the freedom of doing nothing but obeying him. That was tired of having do everything all the time. Tired of having to shoulder the responsibility of bringing up a child on my own. That wanted someone else to make the decisions and take charge. Just for a little while.

It felt weak to give in to it. Like I was making myself vulnerable. And I knew what happened when I made myself vulnerable. Fists. Pain. My pride in tatters on the floor. I couldn’t do it. Once had been enough last night.

But don’t forget this is Smoke. He would never hurt you. And didn’t you feel powerful last night?

I swallowed. It was still difficult for me to understand how that worked. How I could be on my knees and yet feel strong? But there was no doubting that was how I’d felt the night before. I could do it again, couldn’t I?

Of course you can. You want to. Don’t deny it.

Yeah, I did want to. A deep part of me wanted more of that—his hands and his mouth and his cock—no matter how wrong it was. No matter how scared it made me feel. The switch was firmly turned to On, and it looked like nothing was going to flip it back.

‘Don’t be a chickenshit, Cat.’

His low voice was a rumble I felt in my chest, taunting me the way he always used to when I baulked at doing something I was scared of.

He would never force me. He would never hurt me. He was a totally different man from Justin. A totally different man from my father.

Yet I was still scared.

I didn’t want anything to change between us.

But then, of course it already had.

‘What if I don’t want this?’ I asked. ‘What if I want to talk without anything else?’

‘Then I’m walking out of here,’ he said without hesitation.

‘Does that mean you’d walk out on Annie, too?’

Something even darker flickered in his eyes. ‘Don’t you fucking dare use Annie like that. You know I’d rather die than let anything happen to that kid.’

Shame crept over my skin, a creeping, prickling heat, and before I could stop myself the words just came out of me. ‘I’m scared, Smoke.’

He didn’t move, and the look on his face didn’t soften. But the darkness in his eyes lessened slightly. ‘I know you are. But I won’t hurt you, kitten. You know I’d rather die than do that.’

I don’t know what it was—maybe it was merely the reassuring sound of his voice, the normality of it. The voice of my friend. But the fear inside me ebbed...the tension eased.

And before I was even conscious of having made a decision my hands reached for the hem of my T-shirt and I was pulling it up and over my head and unclipping my bra and letting it fall. It had been a long time since I’d undressed in front of a guy, so I kept my attention on my hands as I undid the button on my jeans and slid down the zipper. Then I pushed down the denim, taking my panties with it.

It felt weird, undressing for my best friend. And when I stepped out of my jeans I found I still didn’t want to look at him. My heartbeat was so fast, so loud, my skin felt raw and exposed. I wanted to cover myself, but kept my hands at my sides.

I wasn’t a fucking coward. I wasn’t.

Raising my head, I forced myself to look at him.

The expression on his face shook me all the way down to my soul.

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