Page 40 of Shy Innocent In The Spotlight

‘Too good a job, it seems.’ Elspeth sighed.

Mack filled his days with work, trying to distract himself from the emptiness he was feeling. He didn’t want to admit how much he missed Elspeth. He hadn’t realised how much he enjoyed her company until she was no longer in his life.

No longer in his life...

How those words tortured him in his darkest moments. It had been her choice to leave. He had offered her a relationship and she had chosen not to take it. That was her privilege—he didn’t want anyone to stay with him out of a sense of duty.

But why did he want her to stay with him? The sex was great, better than great. Amazing, the best he had ever had. The physical connection with her had shown him something about himself he hadn’t realised before. He’d had sex with his previous partners but he had made love with Elspeth. Her inexperience had been part of it, but he suspected there was more to it than that. She gave of herself so trustingly and he had worshipped her body, treating it with such reverence, which had made their lovemaking rise to a different level—a level of awareness, of sensual feeling that transcended the physical. He missed the physical connection, but he missed even more the companionship, the conversation and emotional connection he had with her.

Emotional?

Mack mulled over the word, allowing it a little more space in his brain than he normally would. He was so used to dismissing emotions, masking them, denying them, eradicating them, that it was strange to give his mind permission to examine how he actually felt. He had blunted his feelings for years. Bludgeoned and smothered them in order to survive the aftermath of his father’s death. He hadn’t had time to grieve, he’d had to spring into action and help everyone else with their process of grieving. His mother, his brother, his father’s mistress and his half-sister.

But what about him?

Elspeth had mentioned something about them both having a father wound. Mack had dismissed it at the time as psychobabble, yet another trendy term that had no relevance to him. But he realised now that his father’s death had left its mark—a deep scar on his heart that had practically shut it down for fear of more hurt. He had forgotten how to access his emotions. He could barely recognise the feelings other people took for granted. There were so many feelings he had buried and he had been too scared to dig down to find them.

Being back at Crannochbrae reminded him of himself. A fortress, secure against the elements, strong and capable of withstanding the harshest weather and yet the rooms inside were just rooms, tastefully decorated and functional but without heart. He was like the suit of armour in the foyer—cold, hard and empty.

Mack wandered into what used to be the music room, which, for years now, was a sitting room filled with sofas and whatnot tables and priceless artwork and so on but lacking the one thing that had once set it apart. It had been a long time since his fingers had touched a piano keyboard.

Too long.

Maybe it was time to do something about that.

Elspeth was on a lunch break from work in a local café when she looked up to see Sabine standing next to her table. She put her coffee cup down with a tiny clatter. ‘Sabine? How are you?’

Sabine gripped the top of the chair opposite Elspeth’s. ‘I wanted to see you.’

But who exactly did Sabine want to see? Her or Elodie? Had anyone told her of the switch? Had Mack?

‘Please, sit down. Can I get you a coffee or something?’

‘Maybe later.’ Sabine pulled out the chair and sat, her gaze fixed on Elspeth’s. ‘I can see the difference now but back at Crannochbrae it was impossible.’

‘Did Mack tell you who I really was?’

‘No, Elodie called me yesterday and apologised for everything.’

‘Oh, I’m so glad. I know she never intended for you to get hurt. And nor did I. I was aghast when I found out about—’

Sabine held up her hand like a stop sign. ‘Please don’t mention Fraser’s name. I’m still furious with my father for keeping him on in the business.’

‘That must be awful for you.’

She sighed and put her phone on the table, two of her fingers doing a slow little tap dance on the glittery cover. ‘I’m kind of used to it, to be honest.’ She stopped tapping her fingers and met Elspeth’s gaze. ‘Dad isn’t the sensitive type. I thought Fraser was nothing like him, but I was wrong. Dad’s had numerous affairs and my mother always turns a blind eye. I’m ashamed of how blind I was to Fraser’s faults, but I liked how he needed me. I made him feel good and that made me feel good. But true love is a two-way thing, right? One person can’t be doing all the emotional work. It has to be balanced.’

‘I couldn’t agree more,’ Elspeth said. ‘I’m so sorry for deceiving you. As soon as I met you I liked you. And when I met Fraser, I was worried you were going to be unhappy in the long run.’

Sabine gave a twisted smile. ‘I’ll be all right. Plenty more fish in the sea and all that. But how about you? It can’t have been pleasant being slut-shamed by the press when you were completely innocent.’

‘Yes, well, Mack made sure I was out of the firing line for a few days.’

There was a little silence.

Sabine’s eyes began to twinkle. ‘So, how was that?’

Elspeth could feel her cheeks heating enough to froth the milk for a cappuccino. ‘It was...actually, I’d rather not talk about it. I’m sorry.’ Tears stung at the backs of her eyes and a thickness in her throat made it hard to breathe. She could barely think of those few days with Mack without breaking down. She missed him so much. Her body ached for him. Her life seemed so empty and lonely without him in it. Was he missing her? Or had he moved on already by now? Going back to his playboy lifestyle as easily as taking his next breath.

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