Page 64 of The Lies of Bryn van Doren

“You’re right. It’s not. I hate seeing her sick like this.”

“I know you do.” They arrive at the corner and stop at the traffic light. He reaches over and takes hold of the back of her neck, massaging her muscles as he goes on to press, “So, howareyou holding up?”

Jessica furrows her brow, suddenly aware this is the first time she’s stopped to really think about it. Life has been coming at her too quickly, too forcefully. She’s simply been trying to handle it without overthinking it. Considering her answer, she doesn’t think of money or her obligations; she ponders the physical existence of her mother, in the same hospital bed she’s occupied for the last almost two weeks—no end date in sight. Her heart seems to swell as she draws in a breath, the ache that accompanies her exhale weighing the organ down in her chest.

Concentrating on the feel of Stefano’s fingers working her neck, she tries to keep her emotions in check as she admits, “I’m scared.” Saying the words out loud triggers the burning sensation behind her eyes, but she blinks to prevent herself from crying. “I remember when she first got diagnosed with COPD. I remember how terrified I was, not knowing what it would mean for her. The uncertainty of it was daunting. But we got used to it. We were handling it. Now—her in that hospital—it’s my worst nightmare. The waiting. The uncertainty…”

Her voice trails off as Stefano’s hand disappears. He slides it down to the small of her back and applies the necessary pressure to make her legs start moving. She sees the walking man lit up and the crowd of people crossing both ways only after they step into the street. As if the movement pulls her out of her vulnerable frame of mind, she shakes off her previous thoughts and rakes her fingers through her hair.

“I’m dealing,” she declares, squaring her shoulders. “Most afternoons I’m with her. I’ve been dancing. Not much, but I’ve been to three classes in the last couple of weeks. I justify the time away from mom and the investment because I think it’s helping to keep me sane. It’s something for me. Something I haven’t had in a long time.”

“Jess, it’s not selfish to spend a little time doing what you were born to do. You heard your mom. She doesn’t want you to stop living.”

“Yeah,” she murmurs, certain he’s right. Just the same, she clings to the excuse.

“And—what about your deal with Morgan?”

Jessica doesn’t realize that at the sound of his name, she pulls her bottom lip between her teeth. She remembers the scent of him; the feel of his morning stubble against her lips; the way he smoothed his hands around her wet body, like he couldn’t get enough of her. She’s so distracted by her thoughts she doesn’t hear Stefano when he calls her name. It isn’t until he steps in front of her and she almost collides into his chest that she looks up at him, remembering his question. Rather than answer him, her breath gets caught in her throat at the expression she finds in his hazel eyes. She recognizes the guilt and the concern that warms his gaze as he studies her, forcing her back into reality. A reality that seems more complicated now than it was upon first waking—or the day before—or the day before that.

“Are you falling for him?” he asks bluntly.

“What?” Jessica jerks her head back in surprise. “No. I—no. I barely know him.”

I wasn’t enough.

She hears Khalohn’s voice, and her heart rate picks up speed.

“You forget, he’s got a reputation. A long standing one. There’s a reason he only ever beds a woman twice. There’s a reason every one of them hopes to be the exception to his rule.”

“What, you think his dick is magic?” she scoffs. Even as she says the words, she knows—in a way—it definitely is. At least, his ability to use it is. Nevertheless, she shakes her head at her friend and continues, “You think sleeping with him will make me fall under some spell?”

Stefano works his jaw left to right before he says, “I think when I brought him up, your head took you someplace else. I think I’m your fucking best friend, I know you better than anyone, and this whole fucked up scenario is changing you.”

“Huey,” she begins with a frown. Taking a step closer, she insists, “I’m still me.”

“Yeah, well, how do you explain the way your face went soft when I mentioned his name?”

She blows out a sigh, tearing her gaze away from his as she tucks a bit of hair behind her ear. “Huey, I…” Looking down at their feet, it only takes her a moment to come to grips with the fact that she can’t lie to him. He’s right. He knows her better than anyone. Besides, it does neither of them any good to lie. In fact, he’s theonlyperson in her life she’s not lying to, and she can’t start now. It would only prolong the conversation from which she’d rather be free.

She looks at him through her lashes and confesses, “He makes me feel good. And he’s nice to me.”

“You say that like you’re some desperate woman who’s only known dipshit men.”

Coughing out a laugh, Jessica quirks an eyebrow and challenges, “Are you saying my ex’s are saints? Because I’m pretty sure any guy I’ve screwed since high school would be accurately categorized as adipshit. Especially the last one.”

Speaking in a harsh whisper, Stefano reminds her, “He’spayingyou for sex.”

Unappreciative of the way he’s thrown it in her face, Jessica bites her tongue in an attempt to reign in her frustration. The last thing she needs is a fight with her confidant. She takes a deep breath, willing herself not to say something she’ll regret.

“Stefano—I’m well aware of what I’m doing. I know how much you hate it, but it is what it is. It’s done. It’s happening. And you know what? I don’t regret it. It’s like I said. He makes me feel good. There are worse things than getting paid for the most mind-blowing orgasms I’ve ever had in my life.” She starts to step around him but then changes her mind. Glaring up at him, she goes on to say, “And you know what? You may have heardrumorsabout him, but you’ve never been with him. And somethingIknow that none of the women in Bea’s collection know, is that he’s more than a good lay. He’s a man. A successful, intelligent, thoughtful man. It’s—it’s complicated.”

Khalohn said that very morning what they have is exactly the opposite, but she’s convinced it’s only what he wants to believe. He said as much when he explained why his wife left him. While she doesn’t imagine she can fix him—even more, she’s not entirely sure he needs fixing—she’s still determined to be everything he wants. She endeavors to live up to what he’s paying for. Whatever Stefano believes, sheisthe exception. Whatever that means.

When the man in front of her doesn’t respond but merely stares down at her, Jessica returns the favor. After a minute, he breaks. His hands tucked into his jean pockets, Stefano leans down, pressing his forehead to hers before he shakes his head.

“I need you to be careful. This can’t end well. I’m worried.”

Her defenses fall immediately. Pushing up on her tiptoes, Jessica wraps her arms around his shoulders, pulling him into her. He returns her embrace, and she tucks her chin into the space between his neck and shoulder. “I love you,” she whispers. “Thanks for always having my back. Always.” He tightens his grip around her, and a small smile helps ease the tension now rolling off her shoulders. “I’ll be fine. I promise.”

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