Page 54 of The Lies of Bryn van Doren

Lifting her head, she props her chin against the mattress and looks up at Beth. In sleep, she seems peaceful, and Jessica is grateful for the oxygen that makes it easier for the woman to breathe. Just a few hours ago, her cough had been so bad she could hardly speak. Until a few hours ago, neither of them knew hercoldhad turned into pneumonia, a virus that is quite dangerous given her COPD and the state of her already compromised lungs. Now, drugged and sleeping, Beth is quiet; but according to her doctor and the X-rays taken shortly after she was admitted into the emergency room, it’s pretty bad. She should expect to be in the hospital for at least a couple of weeks.

Jessica reaches for Beth’s hand, and the warmth found in her touch soothes her. It soothes the stab of reality. Soothes the ache of fear. Soothes the bruises left by shame and guilt. Staring at her mother, she knows what she has to do. She knows how much she’s needed—not just financially, but physically, emotionally. It’s all she’s been able to think about for the past several hours. With the Medicaid plan they’d chosen, most of Beth’s medications are covered, but not an extended hospital stay. They’ll have to pay for her first entire week before Medicaid will pick up the slack; even then, only a percentage of her hospital residency will be covered. They hadn’t seen this coming. Even if they did, Jessica knows the policy they chose is barely in their price range as it is.

Isn’t that how life goes?

Shaking off the thought, Jessica acknowledges they’re not in a great place—but that very afternoon, she’d been offered a job. A job that will give her the flexibility to be at the hospital most days; that will help ease the financial blow of hospital bills. It’s a job she’s already agreed to. An opportunity she can walk away from as soon as her mother is better.

When Jessica’s phone rings from within her purse, she jumps. Hoping not to wake Beth, she’s quick to retrieve it. At the sight of his name lighting up the screen, she swipes her thumb to answer and gets up to make her way out of the room.

“Hello?” she murmurs in greeting. Jessica wraps her unoccupied arm around her middle as she props her shoulder against the large window looking into Beth’s room. She stares at her mother, the distance between them reawakening the worry that’s settled in her belly.

“Hey. How’s your mom? How’re you holding up? Sorry I can’t be there with you,” says Stefano, his tone laden in regret.

Remembering it was Stefano who had the presence of mind to hail a cab when she was a trembling mess outside of the coffee shop, and Stefano who held the cab when she raced inside their apartment to help her mom down the stairs, and Stefano who paid the fare upon arriving at the emergency room, Jessica is quite certain he has no reason to feelregret.He’d stayed with her while Beth was admitted. He waited with her when Beth was carted off for X-rays and testing. It wasn’t until Beth was put into her own room that he gave her space. Hours later, night having fallen, Jessica knows he’s in the decadent bowels of Clandestine’s.

“I’m okay, Huey,” she whispers. “Mom’s sleeping. They tried to kick me out earlier, claiming visiting hours were over, but I refused.”

“Jess…going home to get some sleep yourself isn’t the worst idea.”

“I’m fine,” she insists, staring at her mother’s body in bed. She’s not sure if the bed is large or her mother has grown smaller in the last couple weeks; either way, she guesses if she gets tired, she can curl up next to Beth. That’s the only thing that’ll get her to tomorrow’s dawn—the nearness of her mother. “I don’t want her to be alone. Not tonight. Dr. Montgomery says she might be here for a couple weeks. I just—I don’t want her to be alone.”

A beat of silence passes between them. Jessica knows he wants to talk her out of her decision, but he’s smart enough to bite his tongue. He can’t change her mind, and they both accept it in the voiceless exchange they share.

Finally, he says, “The afternoon took a turn. We didn’t get a chance to talk.”

Jessica’s eyes lose focus as her mind shifts away from her mother, taking her to unit 601. Walking into the space was so much like walking into Clandestine’s. Godrik—Khalohn—took her to an alternate world. A fantasy so vivid her whole bodytastedit. As she remembers the kiss they shared, she’s aware, with the day’s events, that fantasy has been cracked. Now it’s not a promise of escape, it’s a necessity tangled in a bed of lies she can’t escape. The decision she made before her mother called, her choice to say no, Stefano will never know about it. Things are different, now. She only has one choice.

“He made me an offer I can’t refuse,” she admits, her voice barely louder than a whisper.

“Dove—”

She reads his tone right away, closing her eyes as she cuts him off. “I’m serious, Stefano. I need the money. Now more than ever. Besides, where else am I going to find work that allows me to be around for my mom? Hmm?”

“Jessica, I know you don’t want to hear it, but if you need money—”

“I don’t wantHugh Thompson’smoney,” she insists.

There’s no forgetting how much he hates his old name. The name of a boy he never was, from a family into which he never fit. The name he ditched as soon as he could afford it. Hugh Thompson is the one tied to his outrageous trust fund—the money he only touches if he has no other choice. For this reason, and a host of others, she hates it when he even implies he can help her out with said money. It’s too much of a sacrifice for him. It’s too much to ask, so she never does. And she never will. He isn’t that boy. Not anymore. He’s a man.

He’s Stefano Neal, and she won’t be responsible for allowing him to go back on that.

From now on, I’m Khalohn. Khalohn Morgan.

Her grip around her phone grows tighter as another name circles around her brain. Of all the things he offered, all the things he promised, hisnamewas so real and honest an admission, it’s almost enough for Jessica to imagine part of what they have can be real. Even if only a little. Even if it’s only one sided. The longer she ponders it, the easier it is to convince herself—for her to make her decision palatable.

Khalohnis real. His desire for me is real.

She pulls her bottom lip between her teeth and bites down hard, shoving aside the thought thatherdesire forhimis just as real. Deep down, she’s aware she can’t rely on his longing as a source of income forever. But for now, her mother is sick, the insurance they thought was enough a couple days ago feels like a joke, and it’s time for her to be responsible. It’s time she take care of her mother, like her mother did for her for so long.

“I have to do this, Huey. Okay? Until she’s out of here, this is my best option.”

Another round of silence is exchanged between them before Stefano murmurs, “I love you, you know that? You drive me fucking crazy sometimes, but I love you.”

The truth of his statement is enough to cause a small smile to pull at the corner of her mouth. “I love you, too, Huey,” she whispers.

“Call me if you need me?”

“I will.”

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