Page 12 of Bad Pucking Roommate

At first, I thought that was an extension of the wholeplaying with your childhood herothing he has going on. He’s admitted to studying me over the years, and he’s always asking me to help with his game, so it’s sort of obvious he wants my approval. That’s actually the reason I didn’t want to involve him in my bullshit. I didn’t want him internalizing my issues and emulating me off the ice. But when he locked eyes with me, I knew in that instant our connection had nothing to do with hero worship, and everything to do with true affection and unconditional support.

Like Noah, Justus seems to intuit what I need, and doesn’t judge me for it. But unlike Noah, he didn’t just go through the motions, letting me create whatever narrative helped me in the moment.

Justus looked atme. He sawme. He could’ve focused on what was happening, or how it affected him, both of which would’ve fed into my need to be the phenom people expect me to be. Instead, he concentrated onme, and crazy as it sounds, I felt seen for who I am instead of what people expect me to be. Because of that, I didn’t evenlast long enough to fuck Staci. I blew within minutes. And the next day I played a phenomenal game. My best all season. So, yeah, I’m not entirely convinced the voice in my ear is selling me good information about how superstitions don’t work.

Already, I’m wondering if we can do it again. The problem is, I have no idea if that encounter had the same impact on Justus as it did me, let alone if he’d consider a repeat.

The way we locked eyes made it seem like it was just the two of us in the room, and while I’m not trying to suggest I forgot about the woman sucking me off, somehow that was secondary.

Don’t get me wrong, I needed it the same as I always do before a game, but it was the penetrating stare from Justus, the one that seemed to say he was with me even though he was sitting across the room, that tipped me over. Almost like the emotional support from him outweighed the physical sensation I was experiencing. Or worked in tandem with it, giving me the fuel I needed for the game the next day.

Jesus, Luca. Do you hear yourself? On top of being superstitious, you’re suddenly some kind of sex philosopher?

I’m being ridiculous. First off, I have no reason to think Justus remembers that stare the way I am. For all I know, he just wasn’t sure where else to look, and I’m projecting emotion into something that could be chalked up to what I’m pretty sure is his first voyeuristic experience. Second, he doesn’t know about my pre-game ritual, so there’s no reason for him to connect the dots between what happened in my room with my performance on the ice. Lastly, he acted like things were normal the next day and played just as well as I did, and since he’s been playing well all season…

Yeah, he probably chalked the whole thing up to the wild and wacky world of hockey, and considering how good and fucking genuine he is, I doubt he’ll want to open that door again.

***

“That was a great game.” Noah’s voice echoes from the earbud in my ear as I recline on the hotel bed. “How come you don’t stop shots on goal like that when I’m in the net?”

“Because you’re in the net and I know you’ll block them.”

“I appreciate the vote of confidence and all, but the whole idea is that the goalie is thelastline of defense. Not your failsafe.”

“Well, Justus seems to think you being out will make us all tighten up our game to compensate, so by the time you get back we’re even more badass. If he’s right, maybe I’ll be blocking shots left and right when you’re back in the net.”

“Smart kid,” Noah sighs appreciatively. “So, given the way you played last night I’m afraid to ask, but should I assume you found another solution?”

It’s on the tip of my tongue to lie, but when—if,stupid self-help bullshit—I don’t play well tomorrow the truth will come out. “Ah, not exactly.”

“Wait, are you saying you didn’t find a new solution because you don’t need one anymore?” The excitement in his voice is truly disheartening since he’s got it all wrong.

“No.” I blow out a frustrated breath. “I stumbled into a temporary fix.”

“How temporary? And what sort of fix?” The wary tone in his voice makes me pretty certain that while he may not know specifics, his guess probably isn’t too far off.

“I doubt it’ll happen again.” I pick at an imaginary piece of fuzz on my pants, as if that mundane action will make my voice sound equally nonchalant.

“And the solution? Please tell me Staci brought a friend.” It’s not surprising to me that he assumed Staci was part of the deal, she usually is in Seattle, but the fact he’s hoping she brought a friend tells me he’s really not going to like what I say next.

“She didn’t have anyone to bring. I asked.” That’s actually true. “She, ah, showed up ahead of schedule and I already had someone in my room. Unexpectedly.” It feels really important to add that last part.

“Who?”

I can just imagine the grimace on Noah’s face as the word leaves my mouth. “Justus.” When there’s nothing but silence on the other end I rush to explain. “He needed a place to hang out while Niko talked to Xander, and I fully expected him to be gone by the time Staci got there, only she was early, and you know how she is. She bulldozed in and sat him in a chair even though we both tried to explain he wasn’t supposed to be there, then suddenly she was on her knees and… You can guess how it went from there.”

Noah’s heavy sigh crackles over the line. “Is it really smart to involve Justus? You don’t want him saddled with the same superstition you have.”

“Trust me, I know. But it only happened once, it’s not like he’s saddled.”

“It’s onceso far. After the game you played, are you really going to let it go? We both know you don’t want to.”

I hate being so predictable, especially about this. “Of course, I want to ask him again. But I’m not going to, especially since I doubt he sees a connection between what we did and how I played.”

“But you do, and if you tell him that’s why you want a repeat, he’ll probably do it. He’ll probably do anything you ask since you’ve been his favorite player since childhood.”

“You know about that?”

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