Page 219 of The Anti-Heroes Collection

I pick up the envelope.

The familiar handwriting stares back at me.

With a deep breath, I pull it open.

I need to know what he said.

Inside is the kind of lined paper a kid uses at school to draft an essay. I imagine my father in the prison library with a pen and paper, looking down at the lines and thinking about what he was going to write.

The ink looks to be thicker over the T . . . As if he placed the pen down and couldn’t find the words to continue.

Or maybe it was the strength.

Could that be it?

Was he searching for the strength to contact me?

I shake my head.

There’s no use speculating. I have never understood my father. And now, I never will. Instead, I read it.

Trent,

You probably won’t open this. I don’t blame you. I don’t deserve your attention. I don’t deserve anything from you.

Another family visitation week passed today. I was alone, watching from the corner of the rec room because I couldn’t bring myself to miss it. Just in case you came. In case Ivy did. In case your mom did.

I’m a sick bastard for holding on to hope I haven’t earned.

I sat there, just watching. Seeing everything I missed out on and knowing I damn well deserve the misery. I was getting ready to leave after it got to be too much. Had one foot past my table in the corner when a rubber ball rolled forward and hit my shin.

A kid came up to me, hand out. I gave him his toy back. He asked me why I was alone. For the first time, I told the truth.

It’s my fault I’m alone.

It’s my fault I have no one.

It’s my fault I hurt my family.

I am sorry for everything I did to you and your sister. You will never understand the pain I feel knowing I ripped apart my own family.

All I have is time.

Time to think.

Time to regret.

I realize now, I was every bit the monster you said I was. I wish I could go back. I wish I could take the blinders off and realize what I was doing, how warped my view was.

I thought I was in love.

But I was blind.

Blind to the truth.

I have no excuse for what I did to Ivy. Or to you and your mother.

I was a fool.

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