Page 96 of Voracious

Freckles: I want to fix this. Please.

She can fuck off.

Stacey cheated on me. She fucked Jason.

And now I’m going to kill him.

While I speed through the roads, nearlykerbingit multiple times, I punch my steering wheel until my knuckles bleed, my eyes and cheeks soaked, and pathetic tears spill onto my top. I’m so fucking mad and disgusted and goddamn hurt.

Stacey cheated on me. She actually fucking cheated on me.

I punch the steering wheel again and slam the brakes on, pressing my forehead to the wheel while I attempt to breathe, trying to calm my rage. I try to not think about all the times we’ve had together, all the firsts and I love yous and even the excitement that we were going to become parents.

I’ve never felt so betrayed in my life.

I pull out a joint I hadpre-rolled in myglovebox– it burns my lungs on the first inhale.

I close my eyes and count to three, my forehead still pressed to the steering wheel. My jaw tenses, my chest fucking burns and it’s not from the joint. My hand grasps at the back of my neck as I try to control my emotions.

I’ve never been good at control, but right now, with all the violent thoughts running wild in my head, I need to.

When I told Jason Stacey was pregnant, he was so fucking proud of me. I wanted him to be the first to know. Yet he fucked her.

Fucking bastard.

I stare blankly – images of my girlfriend and brother screwing, kissing, fucking all over each other like they knew each other.

They looked comfortable.

I grab my phone from my pocket and watch the clip again, torturing myself even more as I keep pausing it on their faces, nearly crushing my screen under the pressure of my thumb against her smile.

I hate her. I fucking hate her. Both of them.

She made me believe she loved me. She made me fucking believe we had a future and a plan. I stopped doubting myself, doubting what we had and how to deal with each emotion.

Was the baby even mine? How long have they been fucking?

I call Jason, but he rejects it, putting me tovoicemailinstead. She keeps fucking calling, and no matter how many times I reject the call, she keeps going.

Just fuck off.

I feel numb both physically and mentally, and the psychological wall is slowly starting to drop. That black veil of nothingness threatens to swallow me whole as I toss the joint out the window and start the engine.

Shivers snake around my arms and crawl up my chest as I pull into his street.

Jason’s lights are on when I reach his house.

I don’t hesitate to get out of the car, and as I reach the door,Giana, with swollen red eyes and a suitcase rolling behind, stops in her tracks.

“You know,” is all she says, her lip trembling.

I nod, my anger hitting new levels when I hear him calling after her.

“Gi! Fuck. Please listen to me.”

Monotone and blocking out my brother, she stares at me and says, “He told me he slept with your girlfriend. In our bed, where we’ve been trying for a baby.”

She glances at Jason. “You’re a vile piece of shit. Not only was she your brother’s girlfriend, but she was a teenager!”

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