Page 4 of Voracious

I’m not sure if the need to see her, speak to her or even fucking smell her is an obsessive trait, one that may turn into a dangerous need for control or make me manipulative. I can’t wake up without her on my mind, and when I go to sleep, all I can think about is her.

When I’m not with her, I check my phone every five minutes, intentionally going to the kitchen when I knowLuciellais there to see if Stacey is with her. I’m always on her social media, her tagged pictures and checking if she’s following anyone new.

My heart literally sinks when she takes forever to respond to me. But it also explodes in ecstasy when she smiles at me, when she cuddles into my side and tells me she doesn’t want to go back to my sister’s room.

I haven’t heard any noises from the other tent in a while. Would it be psychotic of me to sneak in, kidnap Stacey and drag her to the woods to kiss the living daylights out of her?

Debatable.

I sit up in my sleeping bag and grab my phone.

Me: Still awake?

Three dots appear, and I internally sigh with relief and lie back, holding my phone up to my face while I wait for her reply. I pull the strings of myhoodie, tightening the hood around my face.

Freckles: Yep. I can hear Ewan snoring from away over here! I would’ve suffocated him with a pillow by now if I was your mother. Wait. Is that Ewan or Aria?

Could be either of them. In all fairness, Stacey snores as well. I won’t say that to her though. She’s in denial about her singing voice – imagine I commented on her snoring too? I’d be the one suffocated with a pillow.

Me: It sucks being so close to you and not being able to do anything. How is it possible to miss you, yet you’re right here?

Was that too forward? Fuck it, the message has already sent. Dad told me to be honest, so I’m being fucking honest.

Freckles: I miss you too.

I smile and type a reply.

Me: I have a question…

Freckles: You may ask.

How the hell do I ask about exclusivity without asking her to be my girlfriend? I reckon the latter will scare her, considering how secretive she wants us to be, so I won’t mention us being in an actual relationship.

Me: I know we spoke about this when I was in America, but do you want to see other people?

She types. Deletes. Goes offline. Comes back online and types. Offline. Online. Types and deletes.

Freckles: Ummmm…

Fuck me, my heart is rattling in my chest. What if things have changed since London and she’s been seeing other people, and I’ve completely read this wrong?

My left eye twitches, an unsettling, violent feeling sinking into me at the thought of someone else kissing her. Seeing her smile. Hearing her giggle. Watching her dance and falling asleep with her in their arms.

I’ll find out who and I’ll hurt them. Threaten them.

Wait, no, fuck. No.

Freckles: Have I misjudged this? Without sounding needy, I only want you. But if you’re wanting to see other people, then please tell me. I’m not into sharing.

Is the heavy weight lifting from my chest what relief feels like?

Me: I only want you too. Come here and I’ll prove it.

Freckles: Do you forget the part where you’re sharing a tent with your brother and friends?

Me: They’re drunk and asleep. Come keep me company.

I shut my screen off when she goes offline, and I check to make sure they’re definitely asleep. It’s three in the morning – I doubt anyone will be awake. Base has his arm over his eyes, mouth open with deep, sleepy breaths, mumbling in Russian.Dezis face down and keeps twitching in whatever dream he’s in. Jason is motionless, a sure sign he’s in a deep sleep.

---