Page 102 of Voracious

I’m just done.

“Hey, dickhead. Are you even paying attention?”

I look up at Base as we sit in the airport, waiting for one of his grandfather’s men to escort us to our flight. “Sorry, I zoned out.”

He tuts. “While you’re visiting your dad, I’ll go to this meeting with the old man. He wants me to take over one of his businesses, and I kind of want to decline.”

“Then decline,” I say, looking down at my phone, scrolling social media. She hasn’t posted at all – hasn’t been tagged in anything from her friends or the studio, andGianahas completely deleted all of her accounts.

My phone vibrates, and a message pops up.

Mum: Are you sure you want to go?

Me: I feel okay.

Mum: I want to give you your space, but I worry. All of your drawings are ripped up on your bed, and you left one of your letters on the kitchen counter too. When were you going to tell me you were moving away to study?

Me: I’ll talk to you later about it.

Mum: Okay, sweetheart. Safe flight. I love you.

I close off the messages and click on Stacey’s social-media account, hovering my thumb over the block button.

Then I turn my screen off.

By the time we get on the business-class flight and reach the States, Base is itching to get out for a night of clubbing. I don’t want to go. I’ve barely spoken, and the last thing I want to do is pretend I’m enjoying myself. But since it’s his birthday, I need to try.

He notices that I’m off and quiet, but instead of asking me what’s wrong and forcing me to give him an answer, he tries to cheer me up with shots and banter.

I eventually tell him that I split with my girlfriend because she cheated with an older guy, dodging saying her name, and his response is that it sucks and I need to get laid.

I definitely don’t.

My phone vibrates while we’re in the hotel, getting ready to go out, and my heart stops when I see her name, even though I should be pissed off and should have blocked her by now. I can hear my blood rushing in my ears, and I hesitate before clicking on it.

Freckles: Luciella said you’re moving out. Where are you going? Please talk to me. I love you.

After reading the last part, I take my first line of coke at a party Base drags me to, and the buzz knocks me on my ass, all thoughts of Stacey temporarily gone.

I take another. And another. Until the hours start blurring together.

Our bender lasts four days – four fucking days of going from party to party, club to club. I don’t think I’ve slept a wink. My nose burns as I take another line a blonde neatly stacks, but I tell her to fuck off when she tries to put another line out, this time on her chest.

Luciellacalls me on day four, and I struggle to listen to a word she says. I do lie in bed while Base gets ablowjobfrom two people, too exhausted and drained to move or even tell my sister to hang up when I drop the phone on my chest and fall asleep.

It’s day five, and I nearly kiss a girl, but it feels wrong. She presses her petite body to mine, but I excuse myself and vomit my guts up in the alleyway of the club.

If I can’t fucking kiss someone knowing how much she messed up, then how can she do that behind my back when we were good – when we promised ourselves to each other forever?

My friend claps my back, and we catch anUberto the hotel to smoke a joint or two.

Base offers himself up on a plate – offers himself to me to keep my mind occupied while we lie on the bed, both stoned as fuck and trying to realign with reality. For a split second, I actually contemplate going for it.

I fall asleep somehow, with Base’s head on my chest while he tells me that he thinks he’s in love with my sister and only fucks around to keep her off his mind, so I should do the same.

I nearly text back so many times though – I only stop myself by thinking about what she’s doing. Probably with Jason.

On the way to the institution, I eventually block her, and it makes me feel ill.

---