Page 98 of Voracious

I get in my car, staring into nothingness as I somehow make my way home. The organ in my chest squeezes every time I picture them together.

I bite my lip, and the burn in my eyes nearly buckles me.

No wonder Dad lost his mind over love. It sucks the life out of you.

A life I don’t fucking want.

I don’t remember being in the medicine cupboard, or grabbing the numerous bottles stored within it. I want to stop – it’s like I’m being controlled by someone else. They want me dead. They want me gone. They want to eliminate the middleman.

Everyone wants me dead.

I guzzle every last pill then toss aside all the bottles – the glass of water smashing on the kitchen floor.

It’s like a demon is sitting on my chest, telling me to go to the boat, to lie on it and watch the moon and the stars.

It rocks beneath me.

The stars aren’t visible with the clouds. The moon hides behind trees.

This really isn’t what I had in mind, but the dizziness and nausea is starting to take over. I’ll fall asleep, and it’ll all be over.

She was my girlfriend, and now she’s not.

He was my brother, and now he’s not.

They’ll blame me.Luciellawill blame me. She always does. They’ll say I’m just like my dad.

Everyone thinks I’m the broken son ofTobiasMitchell, and I proved it by beating the shit out of my brother after finding out he was sleeping with the girl I’m in love with.

How many hours has it been? Why am I not dead yet?

My eyes close, and I try to sleep. Sleep will help. Maybe it’ll calm the voices in my head that are egging me on.

Jump into the water.

No one loves you.

You ruin everything.

Drown yourself.

She prefers him.

She blames you for losing the baby, and this is her revenge.

Die.

You deserve this.

It’s your fault.

It’s all your fault.

I vomit while I’m lying on my back. The boat is spinning, and I struggle to tip myself to the side. Air fails to reach my lungs as more vomit gathers in my throat, suffocating me.

My legs don’t move when I try to get up, my spine ramrod straight, and the only thing I can move is my left arm as I choke on my own vomit.

I want to breathe.

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