Page 29 of No Perfect Love

“Thanks for that,” I tell her brightly. “You know I’ve got tons of curves, so it’s not always the easiest for me to squeeze down onto a bench.” The truth is that I love to eat and hate to exercise, but I don’t think I need to say that.

Instead, she reaches down and takes my hand in hers, squeezing for all she is worth. Admittedly, that isn’t much. Not with the state she is currently in. Usually, I can’t stand to be touched by almost anyone. The panic doesn’t come. In fact, all I feel is calm, and her desolation—which I have to fix.

“Did you know, Mrs. Matthews,” I go on like nothing has happened. “I used to sneak over here in the summer when the boys were out playing sports or doing whatever they were doing, and I used to lie in your field in the summer. You and the Johnson farm are the only places in Birch Harbor where the Bellworts grow. At least with yellow.”

I ramble, but I ramble for a reason. She needs me. Otherwise, I wouldn’t be there. I believe in fate and fate tells me that Mrs. Matthews needs me.

“Amy,” she coughs, clearing her throat when she stumbles on her name. “You’re an adult now, Avery. You can call me by my name.”

I squeeze her fingers lightly as she releases the tight grip she has on my hand, encouraging her to keep hold of my hand. “Of course you knew. You always knew everything. And one year, there was a path, right to the middle of the field for me.”

“Carter did that,” Mrs. Matthews whispers. “Deacon came to the house, worried up a storm because you’d gotten covered in ticks. And your mother wasn’t going to let you come over anymore. The next day, Carter went out before the sun came up, and he mowed down a path before he went to school.”

“What? Carter didn’t even know who I was in school. It made no sense that he’d do something like that. For me.” Disbelief fills every pore of my being, and I struggle to even think of an alternative.

“Of course he did.” She leans her head on my shoulder, throwing me off completely.

I expect revulsion, to panic at the increased touch. But I don’t. She doesn’t panic me or worry me in the slightest. Being able to enjoy someone’s touch, without initiating it, means the world to me. Except, even as I think about it, I remember that not once the night before had I panicked with Carter.

“That boy of mine always saw you. Just don’t tell him I told you that. He’d lose his mind.”

“I won’t,” I whisper conspiratorially. Part of me doesn’t believe her, though. “I’m so sorry about Keegan, Mrs. Matthews.”

Keegan was in my class in school. But just like his brothers, he’d been one of the golden boys of Birch. Elite, untouchable, and so far out of my orbit it isn’t funny.

“You know he cheated from you in school, right? And I told you to call me Amy, young lady.”

I laugh, unable to help myself. “Of course I knew. I had to make sure to leave my tests on the edge of my desk for him to see every page. How did you know?” I won’t be calling her Amy, either. If my mother ever heard about it, she’d wash my mouth out with soap.

“He told me and asked if he should tell the school. Does it make me a bad mother to admit that I told him not to? Keegan’s the smartest out of all of them.” Her breath hitches. “Hewasthe smartest. But he always froze when it came to taking tests.”

“I know,” I whisper. “He knew all the answers in class. That’s why I didn’t mind him copying. Half of my notes for those tests came from answers he gave during the regular classes.” The admission hurts my chest, and with my free hand I rub the ache, trying to make it better.

“He’s gone.” She starts to cry, letting the tears flow unchecked. “He’s gone, and I can’t even ask for revenge or vengeance, because the man who took him is dead, too.”

“Hey.” I reach up and put my hand on her cheek. “You know Keegan wouldn’t want that, Mrs. Matthews.”

Her eyes flash with anger, and I find myself happy she feels anything.

“He really wouldn’t,” I go on. “And Keegan? Keegan wouldn’t want any of the others going after him either. And if the man hadn’t died, that’s exactly what would have happened. You might have lost more than one child. Either they would have died in the pursuit, or they would have lost a piece of their soul. And trust me, that’s a lot worse than anything you could possibly imagine.”

Now I’m crying too. But neither of us move. Even as the sounds of someone stirring in the house behind us grow louder, we hold on to each other.

“Don’t you dare break my boy’s heart,” she whispers. “He lies to himself, putting up walls and rules all day long. But you have the power to walk right through them. You always could, Avery, even before either of you knew a thing about life. If you hurt him, I don’t think I’ll ever be able to get him back.”

My throat constricts, and I swallow reflexively, trying my hardest to find the words.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I lie.

I saw the look in Carter’s eyes the night before. The desire written on his face. The adoration that doesn’t belong there when he looks at me. The hunger.

She pats my hand with hers. “That’s a load of shit, Avery. But like I let Bria lie to herself, I’ll let you lie to yourself, too.”

The door to the kitchen opens and Mr. Matthews sticks his head out and smiles at us. “Avery James, as I live and breathe. It’s nice to see you, dear. Will you be having coffee with Amy this morning?”

“Yes, she will,” Mrs. Matthews answers for me. “She’ll be in for breakfast with us too.”

“That’s good,” Mr. Matthews supplies. “Because I just got a call from Casey talking about how some little hoodlum stole his truck from Carter’s house.” He glances pointedly at the massive black Ford sitting outside their house. “Do we know anything about that?”

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